How to have presence when you’re a short guy

I’m 5’7″. Some girls with a “tall guys only!” standard have made exceptions for me. I get mistaken for being closer to 5’10” or 5’11”, even by taller guys.

Short stature isn’t an excuse for lack of success in dating or in life. It doesn’t make you a genetic dead end or someone who’ll always be ignored in favor of tall Chads. I’ve seen women get all tingly and obsessed over 5’4″ men!

Image result for daniel radcliffe with girlfriend
You too can have a relationship like this for a daily payment of purpose, growth, and sacrifice.

If you call bullshit on this, here’s my counter-argument to your lame one:

Unsuccessful and resentful short guys define their identity by their height.

Successful short guys define their identity by their behavior.

To learn how to be the latter instead of the former, just keep reading.

Detach your identity from your height

This comes before anything else.

This is one of my favourite quotes

Like Eddie said, what do you do in life? What do you create? What do you add to the human existence? That’s what matters.

If you don’t want to be judged for your height, don’t judge yourself by it. Pick a better metric, like how well you take care of your body, the positive change you create in the world, or anything you have direct power over.

I often see this kind of exchange happen, especially on internet forums like Reddit:

Short guy: “I hate being short! Women only like tall guys! If only I was taller, then I’d have the life I want!

Stranger: “It’s okay, man. I know plenty of short men who are dating or married to beautiful women! Just be yourself, be confident, and the right women will come to you!”

Short guy: “I call bullshit! Women are incapable of desiring short men! Every woman I’ve ever thought I had a chance with passed me over for a taller guy!

This short guy’s problem isn’t his height as much as his identity and his values. He doesn’t have standards for women besides “isn’t ugly” and “willing to give me attention”, then he measures himself as a sexual partner by the same standards. He’s needy, not selective.

The answer to “do women like short men?” is the same answer as “do women like tall men?”

Yes and no. It depends on who the man is. Honest, confident men attract better women than self-effacing, insecure men do.

You attract women who reflect your traits as a man.

If you constantly attract superficial, inhibited, manipulative, anxious, or boring women, that isn’t bad luck. Something about you is attracting those women and filtering out higher-quality ones. So if every woman you go for rejects you for your height, you’re valuing yourself in the wrong ways too.

To be a person of value, find your value in how you behave, not in how you think the world treats you.

Improve your looks

Genetics aren’t the be-all-end-all of your physical appearance. Much of it is in your control.

  • Give your body purpose and definition by building muscle and losing fat.
  • Eat whole, nutritious food so your body is aligned with nature, not filled with processed chemicals.
  • Dress with purpose, not like a middle schooler.

Upgrading your looks will give you an advantage in every part of life, but your change in appearance will only be genuine if it’s a reflection of your internal character and sense of purpose.

If you upgrade your looks as a bargaining tactic with the world, people will sense your desperation. Your improved appearance will be taken as peacocking more than as a reflection of your value.

Looks matter, but they’re most powerful as a consequence of intangible forces.

Presence is purpose

Most women prefer taller men to shorter men, but height is a symptom of a larger cause of female attraction: Status. Women want men who win at life.

That’s why 5’5″ Daniel Radcliffe’s dating a good-looking taller lady up there, but 5’5″ Bobby-Joe the internet troll’s only chance at sexual success is picking up a drunk sloppy girl who’s more desperate than him.

I’ve met taller guys who lacked presence. I’ve met shorter guys who had plenty of it. Height augments presence, but it doesn’t cause it. You can be 6’4″, needy, and lacking in identity. You can be 5’4″, confident, and with a solid identity.

To build your social status and identity, behave with purpose. Create things and experiences that improve the world. Your character and creation will eclipse your height.

Do you notice how some people can make heads turn without saying a word? Or how they can get anyone to listen to them no matter what they say? While other people fade into the background and no matter what they say, they aren’t deferred to? That’s social status at work.

Higher-status people are more attractive than lower-status people, both to men and to women. Thankfully for shorter men, status exists in plenty of forms. Different women have different ways of judging status.

Attraction is emotional and irrational, not logical and mathematical.

Tall, rich, and socially successful men engage status-seeking women’s emotions.

Caring and stable men engage care and stability-seeking women’s emotions.

Men of character engage character-seeking women’s emotions.

That’s the biggest secret to attracting women right there: It’s an emotional process, not a logical one. If you engage the emotions she like to feel, her heart is yours.

Women are just as diverse as men are, so instead of whining about how you don’t fit a conventional Hot Guy archetype, build your purpose as a man. Offer honest value to the world. You’ll attract the women you deserve.


One thought on “How to have presence when you’re a short guy

  1. I’m 5’4 and dating someone shorter than me. Doesn’t bother me. Doesn’t bother him. I get annoyed when people have a checklist of physical traits they “need” to date someone. I understand being attracted to someone physically, but, sometimes when you give someone a chance, it comes naturally because they are a wonderful person.

    Liked by 1 person

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