You’ve started seeing a girl, or talking to her, or you’ve spotted her at a bar or a party. Maybe you’re out and about, saw a pretty girl, and now you want to approach her.
You know what you think of her so far. She’s cute, you want to take her out on a date or to your bedroom.
But you don’t know what she thinks of you.
You think there may be something there, but…
“I don’t want to bother her by approaching her out of nowhere”
Here’s the truth: Girls LIKE IT when guys talk to them, even if it’s an approach out of nowhere. As much as guys wish they could talk to the pretty girls they see when they’re out and about, girls wish the cute guys they see would talk to them.
And guess whose responsibility it is to make the first move.
After the first move, the interaction becomes a verbal and spiritual tennis rally.
If she hits the ball back to you, keep playing.
If not, that means she’s forfeited the game. Find another girl to play Spiritual Hormone Tennis with.
“So how do I show her my interest without coming on too strong?”
Look, unless she’s super socially incompetent, she knows guys want her. You don’t have to completely hide your feelings. Flirting is a socially acceptable way of showing your interest without coming on too strong!
Flirting = demonstration of sexual interest + recognition of social and personal boundaries
ALWAYS go for the escalation if you’re feeling her. It’s better to get rejected than to wonder what could have been.
If she isn’t manipulative or overly anxious, and if you aren’t overly invested in getting with her, she’ll welcome and respect an overt expression of your interest, even if she isn’t that into you.
“I don’t want to make her Uncomfortable™ by coming on too strong”
There’s only one type of guy who makes girls truly uncomfortable: Guys who hide their intentions. Otherwise known as “creepy” or less often, “weird” guys.
Creepiness = behavior that escalates an interaction + hidden intentions or lack of emotional awareness
Attractive flirting = behavior that escalates + overt intentions + emotional awareness
So if you aren’t needy AND you’re socially competent, it’s near-impossible to make girls uncomfortable or to be creepy no matter how you behave. Girls, at least the ones you want to be with, aren’t so fragile that any potent move you make will cause them to get wrongfully anxious.
Ironically, the more you worry about being creepy or weird with a girl, the more likely you are to come off as being creepy or weird.
The more you don’t consider the possibility of that, and the more honest you are about what you want, the easier it’ll be to make moves, escalate, and come off as an attractive, valuable, socially competent guy.
Women aren’t social skills goddesses, so it’s not entirely on you to keep the interaction stable. Sometimes, she’ll be the one getting anxious and stagnating the escalation, even if she likes you. It’s not because you’re creepy or weird, it’s because HER values and perceptions aren’t optimized.
So as long as your values and perceptions are in order, don’t worry about making her uncomfortable. Your interaction will be a learning experience at worst.
“I’m waiting till she’s Comfortable™ to X”
X could be “have sex”, “take her out on a date” or even “ask her out”.
That’s some pussy shit, gents.
I’m Not Comfortable With You Yet™ really means “you’re my ‘if I settle’ guy.”
If you’re her “if I settle” guy, she’s not that enthusiastic about you, but she’s not too repulsed. You aren’t boyfriend material unless no better option comes along. And spoiler alert: A better option will ALWAYS come along.
You deserve better than that.
If she’s attracted to you and feels secure around you (that’s if she feels protected and knows your intentions align with your actions), she’ll be comfortable with you. Having sex with and/or dating her won’t be a future “maybe”, it’ll be a present “fuck yeah!”
She doesn’t string along the guy who REALLY gets her fired up. She doesn’t make the guy she does herself up all pretty for wait to “maybe” have sex with her or go out with her someday. She’s already comfortable with him because she’s attracted to him and feels secure around him, therefore their relationship will escalate how HE wants it to as much as how she wants it to.
This may be a tough pill to swallow for guys who haven’t experienced a girl’s fiery, hormonal attraction to them, but it’s a necessary pill.
For a girl to want to be with a guy, two conditions must be met:
- She must be sexually attracted to him.
- She must be secure enough with herself to properly be receptive to him.
To meet the first condition, you must level up as a man.
The second condition is out of your control, but you can vet out girls who don’t meet it. Don’t escalate with girls who are too insecure with themselves to be properly receptive to you, even if they like you. You’ll save yourself the headache of being a victim of her insecurities alongside her.
In any case, remember this:
You’re allowed to approach, you’re allowed to escalate, and being rejected isn’t that bad. There’s no unwritten social rule where you’re prohibited from talking to girls you don’t know. Just read her enthusiasm, be conscious of your own spirit, and you’ll be fine.