Men have conquered societies, built empires, given their lives to high causes, created beautiful works, and fought other men with strength and fury.
Then there’s you:
You get anxiety over chatting up a woman!
What a disappointment.
I can’t respect a man who’s scared of women. I can’t respect a man who’s scared of rejection.
“I want to talk to her and make a move… B-b-but what if she rejects me?”
Then you’ll both move on with your lives, that’s what.
Your problem isn’t that women would reject you. Every man with the guts to talk to women (which is a minimum standard, not something exceptional) gets rejected.
Your problem is that you’re unwilling to face this reality.
Your problem is your rejection anxiety.
Why rejection hurts you and makes you anxious
Simply put, you tie your identity to what women think of you.
If you think she disapproves of you, you disapprove of yourself.
If you think she approves of you, you approve of yourself.
If she treats you warmly, you like the validation but your anxiety builds. You hope she’ll keep this up and not start treating you coldly out of nowhere.
If she’s treating you coldly, your anxiety pours out. What did you say or do to turn her off?
You’re living in her frame of reality, not yours. You bend your self-perception and image into what you think will get women to approve of you, not into what truly fires you up inside.
Women sense that, and they don’t like it. Men of neediness and uncertainty attract women like women with beer guts and bloated skin attract men.
Women want men with a strong sense of self, who value their self-respect and inner drive to succeed above fleeting external approval. Those men show strength, dependability, and potency.
Needy men can only be what they think other people allow them to be. They can only openly value what they think other people allow them to value.
Strong, confident men trust their own frame of reality around women. Needy men worry about making women uncomfortable with their normal masculine desires.
You can only approximate what she thinks of you through her behavior, but what do you think of yourself when women aren’t around?
That you wish there were women around so you could validate yourself? That’s needy.
That you’re disappointing? If so, unfuck yourself.
That you’re a decent, respectable man? If that isn’t for good reason, rejection will threaten your sense of self. However, if you’ve earned your identity by getting shit done in the real world, that’ll be near-impossible to threaten.
Overall, define your identity by what you do and by the moves you make in the world, not by outside approval or disapproval.
Rejection isn’t about you
When guys get rejected, we tend to blame ourselves.
“I wasn’t tall enough!”
“I wasn’t white enough!”
“I wasn’t lean or muscular enough!”
“I wasn’t confident/alpha enough!”
Truth is: Often, the reason she rejects you has more to do with her than you.
Maybe she’s loyal to her boyfriend or husband.
Maybe she’s moving away and would rather invest herself in a guy there.
Maybe you don’t fit her values.
Maybe she just isn’t feeling you for whatever reason.
So instead of worrying about how strongly you fit her values, define your values and select women based on them.
Stop asking yourself:
“How can I be an attractive man?”
“How can I tell if she likes me?”
“How do I make her enjoy my company?”
And start asking:
“What do I find attractive?”
“What do I like about myself and what I do?”
“Which women fire me up, and which ones are meh?”
When you assume the role of selector, not just selected, your agency in your dating life strengthens. You realize that as much as you feel women reject you, you unconsciously reject most women around you, and it’s usually because you aren’t feeling them. Your energies don’t create chemistry.
Rejection isn’t that bad
So what if some estrogen-driven stranger with boobs doesn’t find you that interesting?
She won’t burn down your home for daring to make a move on her.
There’s no laws prohibiting men from respectfully expressing interest in women.
What’s really stopping you is social conditioning. You think rejection is a source of shame, not a natural consequence of a diversity of values. You think overtly showing interest in a woman is creepy and lecherous, not bold or respectable.
The only solution here:
Because 1. Everyone gets rejected, even popular, attractive, socially competent people. Join the club.
And 2. It’ll desensitize you to rejection. The harsher the rejection, the better.
Rejection won’t kill you. Making a move on a girl who isn’t interested won’t tarnish your reputation. Maybe it’ll even be a funny story.
Most importantly, learning not to fear rejection will optimize your results with the women who ARE into you.
You’ll be less anxious about escalating or making moves.
You’ll come off as less needy.
RISKING REJECTION IS THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IF SHE’S INTO YOU OR NOT
Enthusiam can be faked. Signals can be misread. Receptivity can’t be faked and it’s hard to misread.
While enthusiasm is logical and of conscious values, receptivity is emotional and of immaterial energy.
That energy never lies. It unconsciously triggers receptive behavior in low-anxiety people, and increases anxiety in high-anxiety people.
MAKING MOVES AND MAKING WOMEN RECEPTIVE OR UNRECEPTIVE TO YOU IS THE ONLY WAY TO LEARN WHAT BEHAVIORS ARE TRULY RECEPTIVE OR UNRECEPTIVE
“If she plays with her hair, that means she likes you”
“If she points her feet towards you, that means she’s thinking about you”
Or maybe those surface behaviors are completely unconnected to her interest (or lack thereof) in you.
People don’t communicate receptivity through concrete behaviors as much as they do through emotional energy and the intentions behind those behaviors.
So make a move with overt intentions. Don’t worry about analyzing her behavior. Feel, don’t think.
If her energy’s receptive, she’s into you.
If her energy’s unreceptive, she ain’t feeling ya, bruh.
And if 2, 10, 50, 100, or 300 women reject you, don’t worry. There’s 3.5 billion more who haven’t met you yet.