I made a mistake last night.
I went rock climbing (not the mistake), approached a cute girl (opposite of a mistake), got on well with her (still not the mistake), and didn’t fucking close (that’s the mistake).
“Ah fookin ‘ell”, I thought in my best Conor McGregor impression as I saw the girl leaving the place with her friend.
I was going to approach her again and close, but she left before I could. Maybe she had somewhere to be, maybe her friend was jealous and dragged her out of there to sabotage her chances with me, or maybe she just wasn’t that into me.
How the hell was I supposed to know?
Still, I take full responsibility for that failure. I was the man in the situation. I did the right thing approaching her, then I sank myself waiting for the right moment to demonstrate my interest more overtly and ask for her number, then waiting, and waiting, until she left right before I was going to do it. Getting rejected by her would have felt better than that.
So why didn’t I close?
She was neutral with me, that’s why
Most guys don’t understand this aspect of female attraction: Women can feel neutral about a man. They’re not always immediately receptive or immediately unreceptive to him.
Us guys usually know from the start how we feel about a woman sexually. Either we want to take her to our penthouse then freak it, or we don’t.
Ladies need a little more time to decide how they feel about a gentleman. That’s because women look at men more holistically than men tend to look at women.
This used to confuse the hell out of me. I was jacked, athletic, smart, edgy, and well-dressed, but less objectively “alpha” guys would do better with girls than I would.
In individual areas of my life, I was doing well, but holistically, I was a neurotic mess.
Back to the present: With that rock climbing girl, I fucked up because I didn’t push the interaction. I didn’t know whether she’d become unreceptive or receptive with me because I was behaving neutrally with her.
If I’d pushed and polarized her more, she’d have reflected me. That’s the woman’s job: being properly receptive (or not) to a man’s advance,
What was I looking for in her?
I already knew she liked being physically active (non-negotiable for me). She was on a good career path. She was cute, and she seemed chill and sane so far. That’s most potential red flags out of the way.
Next came this question: Was she attracted to me?
I look at two things when I’m reading a girl I’m attracted to:
1. Her movement
2. Her energy
I don’t obsess over minor details like pupil dilation or hair fidgeting like some guys do.
I look at THE PURPOSE BEHIND HER MOVEMENT.
Is she trying to get closer to me and keep me around, or is she trying to distance herself from me? Does she want to connect with me, or to shut me out?
Next, I feel her energy.
Is she invigorated by me? Disgusted by me? Is my presence inspiring an emotional reaction in her?
Like I said, this girl was neutral. She happily talked with me, but she wasn’t subtly dropping hints she’s into me like highly receptive girls do. She wasn’t creeped out by me or uncomfortable at all or totally disinterested, but she also wasn’t heavily invested in my attention.
And that neutrality threw me off balance.
I should have pushed the interaction and let her know I was into her so far. Then that would have inspired an emotional reaction in her, and polarized her into being either overtly receptive or unreceptive with me.
Oh well, I won’t make that mistake with the next girl I chat up.
Does anything like the above situation ever happen to you?
Are you anxious about escalating your interactions?
Are you unsure what to do when you’re interacting with someone you’re attracted to?
Do you have a tough time reading women (or men)?
Work with me, and I’ll undo all these knots in your dating life.
As you can tell, I’m not perfect with women. I make my mistakes too. But perfect is boring!
Would you rather learn from someone who never gets it wrong?
Of course not! You can’t relate to someone like that!
You want a dating coach who’s imperfect, who’s still refining and forging himself, but who’s had his experiences and knows his shit about men, women, sex, and dating.
In a client/coach relationship, you won’t just learn facts and theory from me. You’ll CONNECT with me, and you won’t have to improve your dating life all by yourself.
You’ll learn from me not just through words, but through energy, spiritual transformation, and honest support.
And maybe I’ll learn a thing or two from you.
Catch you later,