Our date was shit… Then she kissed me???

A few years ago, I went on a date with a girl from Tinder. She wasn’t girlfriend material. I simply wanted to get to know her a bit, then take her to my apartment I shared with 2 roommates then freak it.

Our date started out lukewarm, quickly turned to shit, then I rose the vibe from the dead at the very end.

I met up with her downtown, dressed in my favourite jeans and my “I hope this red will get me laid” sweater.

I could tell she was somewhat attracted to me but quickly losing interest because my neediness and undeveloped personality radiated out of me.

We got our drinks and sat down outside a Starbucks. The conversation was boring and I just wanted to smash. I did what I could to save the vibe: chuckling at a vehicle that was loudly beeping beside us, asking her questions and making statements, and offering to move the date to another venue (either the local park or my bedroom).

Buuuuut she wasn’t getting any more interested. She just wanted to take her bus home.

As a last-ditch effort to save the date’s vibe, I waited with her for her bus. I kept chatting with her, hoping to find something that she’d enjoy talking or hearing about.

Nope. She didn’t get any more receptive with me.

Then I started to playfully tease her about something just for the hell of it, and she lit up.

When her bus came, I kissed her goodbye and she reciprocated enthusiastically.

I didn’t see that coming, but I felt the energy between us rise.

So what happened there? How did I turn the date’s vibe around at the very end?

Was it because I got playful and teased the girl?

That’s part of it.

“So if I get playful with a girl and tease her, that’ll work to get her more into me?”

Fundamental problem with that way of thought: The idea of something “working on” a girl.

At the time I saw that girl, that was my mindset in dating: Having to say and do the Right Things to get and keep a girl’s interest. And sadly, I had a vague idea at best of what those Right Things were!

Here’s the truth:

In the end, I turned the vibe around by being genuinely exciting and self-directed.

It wasn’t WHAT I was doing, as much as WHY I was doing it.

The girl didn’t just pick up on my overt behaviors. Consciously or not, she picked up on the INTENTIONS behind them.

When I was making conversation, acting amused about the vehicle beeping over our conversation, and trying to salvage the date, it was with the intention of WINNING HER OVER. There, HER APPROVAL was the motive behind my behaviors, and consciously or not, she sensed that.

Then when I got playful, MY ENJOYMENT OF THE DATE was the motive behind that. And again, she sensed that and saw me as a strong man who can lead, which triggered excitement and attraction in her.

THAT is what a girl really wants from a guy

She doesn’t want the guy who’s concerned with winning her over, who’ll say or do whatever it takes to get her sucking his hand or holding his dick.

She doesn’t want the guy who expects her to lead, because he fears her disapproval and/or he has little sense of self.

She wants to be a complement to the guy who’s self-directed, who knows what he wants and goes for it, who leads himself and his girl, and doesn’t expect any other dynamic between her and himself.

She wants the guy who’s PURPOSEFUL.

Most dating advice for men is focused on the woman.

“Do this, be this, then she’ll be attracted to you”

“To get a girl, follow these steps”

“Go out, approach 100 women, and at least one of them will be interested in you”



This advice is all about bargaining: Doing stuff around a woman with the expectation of a reward from that woman.

Reality is more complex than that.

As a man, you must be self-directed, led by the Divine Masculine, not by your lust. Redpill/PUA guys play at being self-directed men, but it’s always the same story: They’re still heavily invested in women, just covering up that neediness and channeling it in new ways.

Women STILL LEAD THEM. They just pretend otherwise. Maybe the woman buys it for a bit and thinks the man’s leading like he should, but the true nature of their dynamic ALWAYS becomes apparent in the end.

Women and observant men can smell a truly self-directed man. He doesn’t need to convince anyone of anything. He just is who he is.

Then there’s the typical redpill advice, making a mockery of how a man should operate:
“Don’t put the pussy on a pedestal!””You’re the prize!”

“Spin plates!”


“Women can’t love men how men want to be loved!”


* A model of dating where you select women based on YOUR VALUES, not on how much you hope you fit theirs

* An understanding of male and female psychology that goes beyond evolutionary psychology and self-interest (women can be awkward too, people aren’t purely sexually driven, spirit and emotional energy matter more than you may think, among other insights)

* How to TRULY tell if she’s into you by reading JUST ONE THING in her body language

You don’t have to work with me to know this stuff, just reply to this email with your questions or DM me on Twitter and I’ll tell you everything you need to know.

You want advice about women, sex, and dating?

Message me anytime! I’m happy to help you and walk you through whatever you’re dealing with, free of charge!

But simply text chatting isn’t the full extent of how I can elevate you. We can discuss ideas and situations over text for sure. I’d enjoy that.

One-on-one coaching is deeper than that.

It’s not just chatting and problem-solving.

It’s an upgrade to your energy and your spirit.

It’s a relationship with someone who knows his shit about men, women, sex, and dating. It’s not just my ideas that’ll rub off on you, it’s my energy, my drive, my Divine Masculine.

I won’t simply teach you how to be a self-directed man. You’ll GROW into one as a result of working with me. Being a divinely masculine man and having women smell that on you isn’t something you practice. It’s something you just are. And working with me will develop that in you.

Are you in?

Catch you later,

– Ben

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