I came across this Buzzfeed post while scrolling through Facebook just now, and I had to write a piece about it.
Quick summary: Guy’s live-in girlfriend is “sooo anxious about everything” and doesn’t want to get coronavirus from having sex with him, so she doesn’t. He wants to get her to see things logically like he does: That sex won’t make a difference as to whether she gets sick.
He just wants to have sex with his girlfriend like a guy should, but her anxiety’s in the way.
If only he was aware of the truth: “I don’t want to get coronavirus” is basically the same excuse as “I have a headache” here.
(Also, dating an anxietygirl is a veeery bad idea. I don’t know for sure whether that girl is an anxietygirl, but it’s highly likely.)
She’s not seeing things his way because she doesn’t want to. She literally can’t. It’s not in her nature to. Nothing the guy can do will get her to be like “Yeah, you’re right. I’m being too emotional and irrational. Let’s go fuck now”.
She doesn’t want to have sex with him because he doesn’t excite her. She’s not viscerally sexually attracted to him and will likely jump ship onto another dick within the year. But she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by outright saying she’s not attracted to him, so the current pandemic is just a convenient excuse for her.
If she really desired him, she’d be sexually submissive to him, pandemic or not.
Sexual polarity dies when men expect women to act like men
This isn’t very PC, but life isn’t very PC: Don’t take women’s words seriously. If she says one thing and does another, you trust her behavior, not her words.
When a man says something, his word is his bond. If he doesn’t follow through on it, he’s not much of a man. The same is not true for women. They don’t respect laws, they respect law-givers. They have no concept of honor outside of what’ll keep them comfortable or make them endearing to men.
The fact that women’s reality differs from men’s, that it doesn’t run on laws and rationality is a tough pill to swallow for some guys. Even I struggled with accepting this truth for years.
Women are meant to be loved and led. They’re not evil harpies who seek to destroy and emasculate men with their irrational hysterias.
Many modern guys’ problem is – they try to love women how women love men, not how men are meant to love women. They love women out of a needy sense of devotion.
Then they get dead bedrooms like this guy, and other unbalanced dynamics where they wonder what the hell went wrong. They wonder “why can’t she see things logically like I do?”, ignoring her emotional realities.
Men should love women out of leadership. They should make women feel secure, excited, and loved through strength, power, and self-direction. Their masculine nature should dance with women’s feminine nature, not be at war with it.
What do you do when a girl is being hysterical and irrational?
There’s only two things you can do, to be honest. And neither of them are “convince her she’s overreacting”. Hysteria is a normal part of being a woman.
1. Withdraw your attention
Do this when she isn’t sexually receptive to you. The last thing you want to do as a man is to be led by women. That goes against everything a man should be.
You define your reality. Women do not, unless you’re a weakling.
She may claim her feelings need to be validated, but you know better. Her feelings aren’t your responsibility. If she’s not giving you sex on tap, you can’t bargain for it by being kind and attentive just so she MAYBE lets you fuck her.
All you can do is leave her alone, let her do what she wants, and save your energy for better things and better girls.
2. FUCK THE IRRATIONALITY OUT OF HER
This is what you can and should do when she’s sexually receptive to you and you’re sexually attracted to her.
You shut her up and give her a good dicking. That’ll make her forget all about whatever she has anxiety over.
What about being attentive to her feelings and comforting her?
The article’s author suggested the following action for the guy with the dead bedroom:
Be empathetic to her anxiety, make her a meal, encourage her to turn off the news and watch some Netflix, help her find a therapist if she needs one, do it for her sake and not for the expectation of sex, let it go if she still doesn’t want to have sex after all that.
While that SOUNDS like good, healthy advice to those of us blind to intersexual dynamics, it’s really not. It won’t help the guy or his relationship at all. It’ll only create a false sense of power and security for the poor guy before his girlfriend jumps ship and he wonders what the hell went wrong.
Notice how none of it is about him. What the fuck kind of boyfriend is he if his very presence doesn’t put his girlfriend in order? NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.
Also, what about the guy’s feelings? What’s his girlfriend doing to make him feel any better? What if SHE’S also in the wrong here?
The one piece of advice up there I do agree with is “be empathetic to her”, but from a position of power, not from a position of supplication. You absolutely should treat girls with kindness and respect, IF they’ve earned it by being good to you, IF doing so raises both your energies and doesn’t drain them.
In a healthy sexual dynamic, the man gives the woman his masculine energy while still having plenty left over in him, then the woman transforms it and invigorates both him and herself with it.
In an unhealthy sexual dynamic, the man gives the woman his masculine energy without leaving much for himself, then she neutralizes it and doesn’t give him energy in return.
Don’t put up with a girl’s bullshit just to MAYBE get laid. If your relationship is unhealthy, withdraw your energy and attention, and save it for a girl who respects you. You gotta leave the draining girl alone. Do something (or someone) that makes you feel more alive.
What can the guy do to revive his dead bedroom?
The only real dating advice is self-improvement.
All he can do is work on himself, and if that doesn’t get his girl all excited and submissive, he should obviously break it off with her.
“Work on yourself” is easier said than done though. Getting in shape, getting your presentation in order, making money, and doing things you enjoy are only part of the whole picture.
Beneath that, your psychological profile permeates every aspect of your life, including every aspect of your dating/sex life. In sexual attraction, it’s more important than the superficial things.
And it’s normal to be blind to it.
But if you want to effortlessly attract girls who make you feel alive, and effortlessly repel girls who’d drain you of life, mastering your psychological world is a MUST.
And that’s what I’m here to help you with.
As a dating coach, I’m not about the pickup lines, canned routines, and platitudes. My coaching isn’t about teaching you the right bargaining tactics to win mediocre sex from mediocre girls.
I’m here to help you understand how women truly operate and how YOU truly operate as a man. We’ll rewire the flawed constructions in your psyche and spirit that are preventing you from having the dating life you could, and more importantly, preventing you from being the man you could be.
You’ll never deal with any dead bedrooms after working with me.
Catch you later!