Pron and basturmation – better in abstinence or moderation?

Porn is awful for the spirit.

It conditions your brain to accept cuckoldry and inaction as the norm in your sex life. Instead of getting off to being THE MAN and having sex with a girl, you get off to your sexual inadequacy + watching another guy fuck her.

Sad.

Then when you get with a real girl, you can’t get hard! Or you can, but it’s a half-assed boner that quickly goes limp again. The pornographic thoughts in your head get you off more than she does, and even then, you can’t get fully hard.

She’s sitting there, wondering if fucking you is even worth it if you can’t get hard for her.

Does that sound like an ideal sex life to you?

If it is, God help you.

If not, just keep reading.

Can you consume porn in moderation without much consequence?

In my experience…

NO.

I used to watch porn only 1-2x a week, and it still affected me negatively. I didn’t think I was addicted or doing much harm to myself because I wasn’t watching it compulsively or every day, but…

* I had next to no motivation to approach girls outside of parties or on dating apps

* I lacked healthy male sexual energy with the girls I did approach, so I naturally gravitated to girls who lacked healthy female sexual energy (Not always though, my sexual energy would rise if I was around a girl who had hers in check, but that’d only be if she initiated things with me)

* The nights I did watch porn, I sometimes did it for a couple straight hours (yikes)

It’s like when I was addicted to alcohol – I didn’t drink every day, so I assumed I was fine BUT I’d drink excessively, I’d wreck friendships while under the influence, and the neurological impairments would last beyond my hangovers. The days when I didn’t drink wouldn’t entirely balance out the ones when I did.

Plenty of addictions can fly under your radar – but not that of someone who’s observant – like me. If a guy watches porn or masturbates, I CAN TELL. If he doesn’t, I CAN TELL.

And girls can tell too. Maybe it’s all unconscious, but they smell it on you.

My take: The only healthy relationship you can have with porn is no relationship at all.

How else does porn harm you?

It sexually stimulates you in ways that a normal sexual experience just can’t. You have endless novelty and variety that’s as easy to access as any other website. You get the dopamine reward without the real-world movement.

The dopamine overload leaves you burnt out after it passes. You may feel brain fog, comfort (NOT GOOD), or a craving for more porn and wilder sexual fantasies.

THIS KILLS YOUR MOTIVATION TO MEET REAL WOMEN.

Why do the work to approach a lady, make her feel your energy, and get her to invest in you when she might *gasp* NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU???

To those of us who don’t watch porn and have a healthy view of women, approach anxiety is half the fun of meeting them.

If you watch porn, then why go on a normal, mundane date with a flesh-and-blood girl when “Hot barely legal teen BBW in Ninja Turtle costume gets gangbanged by aspiring Asian computer scientists” is just a few clicks away?

The date won’t excite you, but the video will. CAUSE YOU’RE A DEGENERATE CUCK WHO’D RATHER WASTE HIS SEXUAL ENERGY ON PIXELS THAN EXCHANGE IT WITH A FLESH-AND-BLOOD GIRL.

SHAMEFUL.

Your brain literally shrinks because of porn. Even if you have sex with flesh-and-blood girls, that sex won’t stimulate you like “Horny college girl rides dildo in movie theater bathroom” does.

After you quit porn COMPLETELY, your sex life will get much, much better.

You’ll have more energy for the girls who actually care about you, whose pleasure is your pleasure.

Plus, you’ll have an advantage against other guys whose sexuality is entirely in their heads.

They don’t take action around attractive girls.

You will.

They don’t radiate masculinity, even if they’re obviously male.

You will.

What about masturbation by itself?

As far as I can tell, it’s not nearly as bad as porn, but it can be just as addictive. You still get a dopamine rush, then a crash from doing it. It still gives you sexual pleasure.

(But still, masturbating to a fantasy in your head is a hundred times better than masturbating to a video)

Abstinence from masturbation isn’t always realistic. It’s not like quitting alcohol or porn.

To quit alcohol, you stop marching down to the liquor store and buying it. You stop going to places where everyone around you is drinking.

To quit porn, you stop watching it. You delete anything you’ve downloaded, delete your bookmarks, and stop going to porn sites.

But you can’t exactly detach your dick and lock it away. If you’re by yourself and the sexual tension in your loins overwhelms you, what else is there to do but release it?

I’ve got you covered if you masturbate to an unhealthy degree.

My step-by-step plan to getting a grip on your sexual energy

Your semen is a physical manifestation of your sexual energy. Women crave feeling it physically, and they crave feeling it on an intangible, emotional level.

If you have plenty of it in you, women will unconsciously feel it on you and it’ll attract them to you. They want to be filled with a man’s energy, and if you don’t have that energy to give, they’ll be indifferent to you and they’ll find a guy who does have it.

Nofap guys have it right when they preach not masturbating. The effect some of them talk about, where women notice them more during nofap streaks, is absolutely real. It isn’t placebo.

For me, it’s been a while since I’ve quit porn completely. I can’t remember the last time I watched it. I find it disgusting now. It’s soulless and perverse. I never crave it.

I can’t give you any real advice about quitting it besides “just stop watching it”, because that’s literally how I quit. I decided “I don’t want to be a guy who jacks off to pixels” one day, then went from there.

As for quitting masturbation, that’s more nuanced. It can be healthy for you IF it doesn’t control you and you only do it once in a while.

Anyhoo, here’s that step-by-step plan:

1. Stop watching porn

Delete anything you’ve downloaded, delete your bookmarks and your internet history. Stop going to porn websites.

If you’re going to masturbate, do it without porn. This may underwhelm you, but it’s a necessary step. Do it to images if you have to.

Here, you want to condition yourself to have an active role in your sex life. not outsource your fantasies to a computer screen, not get off to the idea of girls fucking other guys.

When you fantasize about a girl, think about leading her. Think about touching her and making her submit to you and crave you. Think about orgasming inside her or onto her. As long as you do this once in a while and not every day, it can do good for your energy.

2. Go days on end without masturbating

If you masturbate every day, limit yourself to doing it once every two days. Then when you’re comfortable with that, once every 3 days.

After that, go for once every 4-5 days.

Masturbating once every 7 days is the bare minimum of success here. It’s where your habit goes from “degenerate” to “understandable”, but don’t stop at 7 if you can. You want to regularly go as many consecutive days as possible without it, and that’s not your endgame.

Your endgame is to never masturbate, and to only orgasm during sex.

If you have the urge to do it on a day you’re not supposed to, remind yourself that you can do it in x days, then kill the urge.

If you’ve been masturbating regularly since you were 12-14 like many guys have, you won’t erase 5-10-15+ years of that habit with just one decision. Small steps will be your only way forward.

As long as you abstain from orgasming and edging, your brain will heal from the damage you’ve given it through porn and excessive masturbation as the days go by. Just give it time. Let yourself have the relapses you do. As long as you’re straying further from the habit, you’re winning.

The more you abstain from porn, the less you’ll crave it.

3. Get yourself moving

With your energy and attention withdrawn from your masturbation, you’ll have more in reserve, and they’ve gotta go somewhere.

Exercise, play a sport, create something, have some adventures. Anything to get your mind off busting a nut. Sure, you can go somewhere and hope to meet a girl you’ll really like, but that shouldn’t be your primary intention.

The goal here is to rearrange your value hierarchy, to give yourself purpose in the world and letting that overshadow your need to bust a nut.

The more you experience and move within the real world, the less value you’ll place on fantasies and escapism. You won’t be inclined to masturbate unless you’re unbearably horny.

4. Pay attention to flesh-and-blood girls, really feel what they’re like

They’re not like the girls you seen in porn or on Instagram. You can have porn-level sex with them (which I know from experience, just flexing), but there’s more to them than the fact that they’re fuckable.

They have passions outside of getting dicked (at least healthy ones do), they have imperfections and insecurities and lessons they have yet to learn, and they might find YOU interesting.

When you quit porn and masturbation, you stop seeing girls as sex objects so much. Your goal with them becomes not to get them in bed, but to learn about them. Escalation and patience feel less daunting because you see your interaction as an exchange of energies, not you trying to get something from her.

For that reason, you’ll be more comfortable around them and they’ll be more comfortable around you.

Porn stars and girls you’ve only seen in images will become less attractive than the girls you meet face to face.

Flesh-and-blood girls stimulate ALL your senses, not just sight and sound. You’ll start to crave their PRESENCE AND ENERGY, not just their image. Interacting with them won’t be a worship ritual, it’ll be a real, human connection.

And that feeling of holding in your sexual energy, then getting to know a girl who loves feeling it on you (even if you don’t fuck her) will feel SO much better than jacking off to pixels. Plus you’ll naturally lose interest in girls who aren’t really interested in you.

Even getting rejected by a girl will excite you, because you were in movement and you shot your shot like a man should.

Because you’ll have detoxed your brain from porn and compulsive orgasming, you’ll start to notice and appreciate little nuances about girls. How soft and smooth their skin is, how lustrously they glow when they’re healthy and happy, how their inner worlds manifest in the outer one, how pretty their eyes are, and all sorts of things that pixels and choreographed sex just can’t do justice to.

Your sense of sexuality won’t be confined to the bedroom. You’ll feel it in the air, in the subtle sexually polar dance you do with girls you meet, and in your entire body, not just your genitals.

You’ll see that sexuality isn’t just something that happens when genitals touch. It’s present in every interaction you have. It’s present in your appearance, your movements, your speech, and your creations. Knowing this, you will become more present in the world, not so confined in your head.

5. Have sex with a girl you like who also likes you

You should try to go as long as possible without masturbating, but you’re not trying to become asexual, and “went xxx days without masturbating” won’t be close to the highest achievement of your life.

You’re doing this to have a healthy masculine sexuality and to control your energy more than it controls you. You’re doing this so you can have a healthy sexual relationship with a girl who appreciates you and who you appreciate!

Busting a nut inside or onto a girl feels so much better than doing it into a tissue.

Masturbation drains your sexual energy.

Healthy sex with a healthy girl RAISES both parties’ energy.

If you’re lost in your dating life, you’re not quite sure how to meet or get to know the girls you want, or you want to learn how they REALLY operate so you can choose the best ones for you, I got you.

Work with me, and I’ll get you out of your head. I’ll teach you what to expect in the flesh-and-blood dating world. I’ll help you generate the masculine energy within you that women crave more than a man’s height, humor, or social status.

And of course, feel free to shoot me a reply to this email or to DM me on Twitter if you have any questions or comments about my work or your dating life.

Take care!

– Ben

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