The truth about female friends – AND THE FRIENDZONE

I have a personal rule about befriending girls – I DON’T.

I’ve learned the hard way that girls do NOT make good friends for a guy (with some exceptions), so why would I subject myself to that again?

I have 4 exceptions to this rule. I recommend any guy follow them:

1. You have sex together

If you have chemistry and like spending time together outside the bedroom, go for that friendship.

As long as the sex and your treatment of each other are healthy. That means you’re both enthusiastic about sex (WITH EACH OTHER, I don’t know who needs to hear this), and you don’t manipulate, coerce, abuse, etc each other, obviously.

2. You work together

You gotta be friendly with your coworkers. If you’re familiar with a coworker, a “work friend” relationship can develop.

Or maybe she’s a competent professional who can generate big $$$ working with you. If so, get that bread with her.

3. She’s your token “shoot the shit about our dating lives” female friend

Girls love to gossip, especially about the guys they’re seeing. This can work in your favor.

Befriend an attractive girl you genuinely have no intention of getting with. Listen to her talk about the guys she’s seeing. Talk to her about the girls you’re seeing. She’ll be a major asset to you.


Because you’re uninvested in getting with her, you’ll learn firsthand how a non-needy guy should act around a girl, if you don’t already have that frame of reference. Your natural masculine instinct will override any insecurities you have about how a girl perceives you, at least you better hope it will.

Because you talk with each other about sex, you’ll have an easy time realizing just how sexual girls truly are. And more importantly, you’ll lose some inhibitions about being openly sexual around other girls. They love sex more than anything in the world, and they’ll feel it on you when you understand that fact.

As for getting dating advice from her, don’t listen to her words. Don’t ask her “what should I do when Ashley does this?”, “what should I text Sarah?” You’re the man here. You’re supposed to already know how to treat a lady. Instead, tell her what you plan to do with those girls and watch her (literally or figuratively) eat her popcorn as she enjoys your stories and comments on them.

Observe how she treats the guys she talks about. Who are they to her? What do they add to her life? What do they have in common? Why does she like them?

She won’t answer those questions like a guy would. It’s up to you to figure out how she works from what she shows you about herself.

Enjoy her presence! This is the best type of female friend to have!

4. You’re in the same social circle

If social circle game is your main means of meeting girls, you don’t want a sausage fest of a social circle.

Let’s say you meet a girl you like through your friends. Awesome! Let her know you’re into her!

Or you’re not that into her. She’s still an advantage to you, as SOCIAL PROOF. Let’s say you’re with her and some male friends. To other girls, her presence will communicate the fact that you’re a guy girls are comfortable around, and this feeling of comfort is NECESSARY for a girl to escalate sexually with a guy.

Aaaaand girls always have friends you can meet through them. They can get you into parties. They can be welcome additions to your social gatherings, and you can be so at theirs. Plus, you don’t have to want to bang a girl to enjoy her friendly company.

However, you don’t want to be a guy who hangs out mostly with girls.

Why guys with close female friends are LAME

Seeing a guy hang out with girls purely as friends rubs me the wrong way, unless they’re all part of a larger mixed-sex social group.

Why would you be close friends with a girl if you’re not having sex, working together, or bonding over your dating lives? I just don’t get it. What are you getting from her?

Girls can’t forge you into a stronger, more capable man. Only other guys can.

Girls lack male virtues, like honor and sovereignty. You can’t count on them to act like you and your bros should when things get tough.

Girls lack the testosterone to kick ass. They won’t have your back if you get jumped together. They’re much less resilient to stress than guys are.

You can’t relate to girl stuff or girl thinking. Maybe you kinda enjoy it, but doesn’t it grate on you? Wouldn’t you rather be doing guy stuff with other guys, rather than sitting and gossiping with girls? Or if you’re with girls, wouldn’t you rather be leading them than be lead by them?

If you’re a guy who hangs around girls like they’re your bros, you look like a DORK. People look at you and think you’re a DORK.


Because you’re a DORK.

Why aren’t you hanging around other guys and banging or dating girls when you’re not with your bros?

Why do you settle for friendship from girls? Not sex?

Why would you rather assume the role of a girl in the social world, not the role of a guy?

Girls CANNOT be your bros. Only your bros can be your bros.


Guys who naturally relate better to girls lack masculine self-direction.

Masculine self-direction is one of the most important principles I teach my clients, in all its nuance.

In soooo many cases, it’s the difference between a girl seeing you like “he’s the guy girls go to for attention” vs “he’s the guy girls go to for sex”.

It also pays off immensely in every other part of your life: work, hobbies, self-development, friendships.

Anyhoo, a man who is directed by women is no man at all, even if he’s in shape and professionally successful.

You’ve read all the theory about how men should lead themselves, then women. But how exactly? Putting it in practice may be awkward to you, but learning masculine self-direction from me will make your leadership much more smooth and natural.

Male/female friendships rarely work out long-term


Sex ALMOST ALWAYS gets in the way.

Either the girl gets a boyfriend, attaches herself to him, and has no more use for her platonic male friends… (THIS HAPPENS A LOT)

Or one party catches feelings for the other, then the level of investment between the two becomes unbalanced and kills things. But in some cases, healthy relationships do start out as friendships (don’t count on it though).

Or things just fizzle out. Differences in values and priorities kill the chemistry between the two.

In any case, strong male friends are a much safer and much more rewarding long-term investment than female friends.

The “friendzone”

You know the story. Guy meets girl, forgets he has a penis, becomes her “friend” with hopes of her seeing him as boyfriend material someday, gladly takes on the role of a cuck listening to her whine about the jerks she dates who get to shoot their boyfriend material in her unlike him, “if only she stopped dating jerks and chose me to treat her with niceness and half-limp-dick sex”, dramatically reveals his feelings to her one day, then she’s all like “but I don’t want to ruin the friendship” or just cuts him off.

I’ve never had this experience. I’ve always firmly separated my social life and my dating life. But if you have, you don’t have to be this guy forever. I hope you’ve already wisened up to why the “she’ll see how great I am someday” fantasy is NOT realistic.

Any guy who gets into this situation is a dumbass who I really hope learns his lesson and stops being a dumbass. I have nothing more to say about this.

However, another type of “friendzone” experience exists, and it’s more forgivable.

When you befriend a girl initially expecting to just be friends with no ulterior motive, then




Be a man and let her know how you feel, like you do with any other girl you’re into. That’s the only thing you can and should do. If she likes you too, date her. If not, get out of your rut. Bust your nut into another slut.

“But what if it ruins the friendship?”

That’s you operating in her frame. She sees you as beneath her if so. You even see yourself as beneath her.

Having feelings for her is only as awkward as you make it.

Feelings don’t ruin friendships. DISHONESTY ruins friendships.

There, now you have something cool to say if she’s concerned about the friendship being ruined. Take back the frame, boyo.

And even if the friendship is ruined, you don’t want to be close friends with a girl anyway, especially one who only wanted you as a desexed source of attention.

More importantly, guys and girls will respect you as a man if you value truth above comfort. Sticking to your masculine principles is so much more worthwhile than obsessing over a girl.

You do not live for her. You live for the principles you hold dear, then she takes you or leaves you.

Being “stuck in the friendzone” is a rationalization that cucked men use to avoid responsibility for their weakness.

If you have a hard time making male friends or defining your masculine principles, I got you.

If you’re unsure how to be a sexual being with girls while respecting their boundaries, I got you.

If you want that token “shoot the shit about our dating lives” female friend but aren’t quite sure how to get her, I got you.

If you’re sick of befriending girls and catching their cooties, and you’d rather fuck and date them like a man, I got you.



– Ben

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