The dark side of sexual deprivation

In a previous post, I talked about whether sex is a need, which it is both for men and women.

Now I’ll get into the consequences of this need being unmet, which it sadly is for too many people.

Let’s start with the most socially prevalent one.

Sexual shame

Some people believe that sex is a force of evil and destruction outside of procreation.

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And these people are partially correct.

Sex is destructive when you have it for the wrong reasons, which extends to having it with the wrong people: people looking to use you, people you aren’t attracted to, cheaters, accomplices to cheating, etc.

This doesn’t happen accidentally, by the way. If you have sex with a low-quality partner, that’s because something in YOU is broken. Healthy, integrated people don’t settle for bad sex. They know what they can get.

This is also why some men complain about all women being sluts who are ready to cheat at the drop of a hat, because the only women who give them any attention, and the only women they feel worthy of are sluts and cheaters.

Alternatively, if you believe women are generally good people who have more to them than fuckability, you’ll screen out the sluts and cheaters, and attract healthier women who exist on higher levels of consciousness. And this starts with believing in yourself as being a man who has higher purposes than having sex with women.

Sex is constructive when you have it for the right reasons, with someone you share trust, attraction, and a real connection with.

For some people, this means saving themselves for marriage, or for a serious relationship. For others, it can simply mean getting to know someone a bit and determining basic compatibility before having sex with them.

People may understand this distinction on a logical level, but not on an emotional one. To some, even expressing sexual interest in someone is a source of shame.

Directly or indirectly, guys get told by the media that showing real interest in a girl is what only a creepy, pushy, sexually unworthy guy does, and girls get told by their social body that having ANY sex or maybe even dating a guy makes her a slut.

For every guy out there who’s scared of making a girl uncomfortable by honestly revealing his interest, there’s a girl who’s been attracted to a guy but wasn’t properly receptive to him because of her own flawed beliefs about sex.

Realizing that wanting sex is normal and healthy can be a game-changing mindset shift.

Some guys’ success with the ladies improves drastically when they internalize the belief that women are SUPPOSED TO ENJOY SEX AND SEXUALITY, not just passively accept it.

Because of that, their shame around their own sexuality fades away. They naturally screen out girls with flawed internal schemas about sex, and naturally are drawn towards girls with healthy ones.

And if they’re not slutty themselves, they never date or fuck sluts.

Promiscuity

Many people think promiscuity and sexuality are the same thing, leading to heavy sexual shame.

Wrong.

Your sexuality permeates every part of you and is a creative force. Having sex with someone when both your sexual energies are strong raises those energies further.

Promiscuity is having sex just to have sex. It’s a destructive, nihilistic force that steals your sexual energy and leads you into entropy.

Sleeping around without standards is destructive to both men and women. Without sexual energy, people don’t grow into better, more sexually polarized men and women.

When they’re sexually deprived, sex with ANYONE seems like a good idea, because their sexuality wouldn’t be validated or justified otherwise.

Sluts, both male and female, lack a certain sexual energy that more sexually selective people have in abundance.

This is because they don’t cultivate their own, preferring to release it all the time for any reason. They identify not with their God-given sexuality that should flow through their veins, but with the physical act of sex (even if it sucks).

With their low sexual energy, they naturally vibe most with people who have similarly low sexual energy, perpetuating their cycle of sluttiness and keeping them on a low level of vibration.

People with high sexual energy aren’t attracted to people with low levels of sexual energy. Why give someone so much of it and receive nothing in return? There’s no value in someone whose energy doesn’t match up to yours.

Sluts don’t understand: It doesn’t matter HOW MANY people you have sex with. What matters is WHO you have sex with and WHY.

To an emotionally healthy, integrated person with their values about sex in check, sleeping with one high-quality partner is waaay better than having mediocre sex with 10 mediocre sluts.

Sluttiness is one extreme of identifying with the act of sex because you’re sexually deprived.

The other extreme here is completely repressing your need for sex and choosing to exist without it, but that’s unrealistic. You can’t repress your need for sex forever without bad consequences, one of which (for severely psychologically unhealthy people) is…

Sexual violence

When someone’s unhealthy sexual energy is combined with the instinct to sadistically hurt others or to please oneself at their expense, rape can sadly happen.

In other cases, sexually deprived men have gone far enough to MURDER innocents because they were pissed about not getting laid.

 

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Sexually shameful guys may be scared of being wrongfully seen as one of these guys, even if they’d never commit sexual violence.

There is no positive justification to any sexually violent behaviors, rape or murder, but there are logical explanations to them.

People who do these things feel sexually powerless without them, as much as that belief does or doesn’t align with reality. The idea of a partner willingly choosing them as a sexual partner, or having a healthy sex life is near-impossible (even if again, that belief doesn’t align with reality), so they have to take their sexual pleasure by force.

Severely psychologically unhealthy people sublimate their sexuality into acts of violence and destruction.

(People who are less severely psychologically unhealthy often just write sad rants on message boards with no intent to commit violence though)

Psychologically healthy people (and even many people with mild to moderate psychological issues) sublimate their sexuality into acts of creation and giving.

That’s why one sexually deprived man can have the urge to shoot up a school, while another similarly sexually deprived man will put his energy into self-betterment and building up his social circle.

Sexual harassment, or being creepy

Sexual harassment is more benign than sexual violence, but it’s still an unhealthy behavior. It exists in the framework of sexual shame.

Almost everyone, male and female, has a “creepy guy” story, whether they’ve been creeped on or just witnessed the creeping as a bystander.

The difference between a rapist and a creepy guy is that the rapist is sadistic and willing to commit sexual violence, while the creepy guy is only socially disconnected, likely low-status, and doesn’t have his sexuality in check.

Whether the creepy guy is willing to be sexually violent or not, people (especially women) rightfully steer clear of him because he can’t be trusted. He hides his intentions with his sexuality, so what else is he hiding?

Here’s the difference between a man who’s creepy and rubs women the wrong way when he’s interested in them, and a man whose sexual interest is socially calibrated and flattering, even if the woman isn’t interested in him.

Creepy = Escalation + Neediness + Covert motivation + Disregard of social norms and boundaries

Confident = Escalation + Non-neediness + Overt motivation + Social awareness

The creepy guy is needy and ashamed of his sexuality. He fears disinterest from women as a personal attack. The confident guy is comfortable in it, and he doesn’t need external validation.

Sexually shameful guys fear being seen as “creepy” more than anything. And this ironically increases their likelihood of being seen as “creepy” or more commonly, “weird”. Law of attraction, people. Those guys focus on the possibility of being creepy, increasing its likelihood of coming true.

It’s not that their intentions or their actions are wrong. It’s that their intentions are misaligned with their actions.

If you nervously make small talk with a girl you’re sexually interested in, and you’re scared to demonstrate your interest or escalate the situation, you’ll come off as needy and low-status. Your sexual shame will carry over into her and make her uncomfortable with her own sexuality around you.

But if you straight-up say “I think you’re cute” or something like that, that actually communicates a LACK OF NEEDINESS. Openly expressing your sexuality in a way that demands nothing from her will make her more comfortable being sexual with you.

Outcome independence is important here too. NEEDING a certain reaction from the girl will make her uneasy around you, but being unfazed by her disinterest will keep her comfortable.

Even if she already has a boyfriend or isn’t into you for whatever reason, she’ll find your interest flattering when it’s honest and socially calibrated.

The only girls who will take your non-needy sexual interest the wrong way and freak out are girls whose own internal schemas about sexuality are flawed. You don’t want to win them over or be around them anyway.

Healthy girls are everywhere, gents. But you won’t get with any of them until your own beliefs about sexuality are in check.

If you’re dealing with sexual shame…

If you’re unsure how to rise above promiscuity and develop a healthy sexuality that attracts amazing women instead of mediocre sluts…

If you’re scared, not excited about the idea of demonstrating non-needy sexual interest…

If you fear being seen as a “creepy guy” when you honestly have no malicious intentions…

Work with me!

We’ll undo these knots in your psychological world and level up your dating life until you barely recognize your old one.

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