Plenty of guys struggle with a little thing called “being boring around women”.
It’s frustrating when no matter what you say or do, girls seem to brush you off and look for a better option. You didn’t give them that feeling of “he’s an exciting guy and I WANT HIM”.
Didn’t all the dating advice tell you to be…
…with the ladies?
Maybe you followed prescribed strategies to come off as these things, but they only worked on the girls you DIDN’T want.
Here’s how to do it right:
Be honest but don’t be boring
To be truly assertive, you have to embody truth.
As Pat Stedman says, “power is alignment with truth”.
Guys fail in being charismatic and assertive when they try to ACT in those ways, not BE in those ways.
Think of the guy who’s bouncing around the bar or the party trying to win over ANYONE by acting funny and interesting but radiating anxious, needy vibes.
Think of the beginner PUA who chats up women with what should be the right things to say, but his delivery isn’t stoic as much as with the personality of a small rock reading from a script.
These guys aren’t saying the wrong words or performing the wrong behaviors. They’re putting up a constructed image, which gets in the way of real human connection. In other words, they’re tryhard.
Real human connection happens when you’re genuine and vulnerable.
And that real human connection gives you confidence and charisma. It makes being assertive so much easier.
That’s why I tell guys: Be honest but don’t be boring.
Speak your truths in a fun, exciting way. Be the hero of your story, not just a depository of facts and experiences.
Women don’t want to be lectured to like you’re a professor in a classroom.
They want to be immersed in the stories you tell, and to someday be a part of them.
Honesty sans boredom will screen out people who aren’t right for you and attract those who are. It’ll attract similarly honest, positive-natured women and give you some game around them that’s genuine and exciting.
Beneath our personas, everyone wants to feel understood and like they belong with other people. Interacting with genuine, vulnerable individuals inspires us to be more genuine and vulnerable ourselves.
But before you give that favor to other people, you must satisfy those needs for yourself.
Be aligned with what you want in life, and assertiveness will naturally come.
If you only act assertive to earn other people’s approval, they won’t buy it. If your lifestyle is the sum of what you think will get other people to like you, you won’t be genuinely assertive, confident, charismatic, or magnetic. Those things do not exist alongside neediness.
You need to recognize your truths and own them. Recognize your ideals and embody them.
Look at how kids talk
They say the dumbest shit sometimes!
And with such confidence!
That’s how you gotta be again.
Remember when you were a kid, some of the dumb shit you would say? And how revolutionary it sounded when you spoke it, even though the adults around you were like “well, duh”?
Kids say what’s on their minds because life hasn’t beaten their curiosity and adventurous spirit out of them yet.
Too many adults hold it back because they’ve been conditioned to fear external judgement. This is a bad way to be if you want genuine, honest, healthy relationships with women.
If you hold back what’s on your mind when you’re talking to a lady, you may very well blow your chance to make a real connection with her.
Timid, emotionally repressed men do not get beautiful women.
Too many times, I’ve regretted not saying “I think you’re really cute and I’d love to grab your number” to a girl I’ve gotten to know, because I was afraid to brave the unknown with her.
Those memories hurt 300x more than the memories of rejection (which barely hurt tbh).
If only I’d said what was on my mind. She would have loved it.
You don’t want a relationship that’s built on lies and false personas.
You want to lead yourself through the grand adventure that is your life, and get a pretty girl by your side.
You want to be intimate, at ease, sharing your honest self with your girl while receiving her honest self back.
Catch you later,