We all understand sexual attraction on an intuitive level.
Hot, popular guys get with hot, popular girls.
The scrawny geek guy with pasty skin gets with the fat geek chick in the Doctor Who t-shirt.
No girl wants to be with the guy who does nothing with himself besides playing video games and writing internet rants about how no girl likes him.
Girls want to fuck good-looking asshole guys, then marry good-hearted, financially successful ones.
Strong, muscular men get beautiful, aesthetically pleasing women.
Men with very masculine essences get women with very feminine essences.
People with more androgynous essences date each other.
People of status and success are more attractive than people who lack it.
What truly makes people attractive and unattractive to each other?
It’s time for you to consciously understand this, not just keep it unconscious and intuitive.
There’s plenty of things that influence attraction – looks, personality, status, money, hair, eyes, age, height, size, voice, sense of humor, youth, life experience, situational factors, demographics, variable individual preferences, sexual preferences that don’t vary, playfulness, drinking real olive oil, intelligence, having a dog, professional success, etcetera.
I could write posts about the nuance of how every single one of those things affects your sexual attractiveness, but I group them into three categories: Biochemistry, positioning, and psychology.
Everyone knows looks matter.
But it’s not just about the superficial stuff. Your biochemistry plays a major part in shaping your looks, and it’s the underlying cause of why some people are just naturally more sexually attractive than others, why you get the “I NEED to fuck her” vibe with some attractive girls but not with others.
Girls don’t just look at you to determine how attractive you are. They SMELL you. They FEEL you.
Your pheromones subtly emanate from you, communicating your genetic strength (or lack of it) to people around you.
Can’t seem to get ANY girl viscerally attracted to you? It’s probably because your pheromones and overall biochemistry are off. They make or break your vibe, the visceral feeling a girl gets about you through her intuition.
Your biochemistry isn’t set in stone. It’s malleable. Optimizing it is a MUST if you want the best women for you, or else they’ll be turned off just smelling you, even if you have the rest of your life in check.
This is your position in the world, your lifestyle, the direction you’re moving in, your status in society, and your connections to other people.
It should be a no-brainer that girls find social status attractive. They don’t just want you, they want your position in the world.
Having your biochemistry in check facilitates positioning, but the two still operate independently.
You CAN get attractive girls with your positioning but not biochemistry in check, but your sex will be worse than it would be otherwise. It’s likely that they’ll just use you, not adore you.
Inversely, you CAN get attractive girls without social status, a social circle, or a bountiful lifestyle, but it’s way harder than it has to be, you’ll have minimal opportunities to actually meet them, and it only leads to hookups and short flings at best (unless you’re moving up in the world).
Biochemistry turns a girl on and may make her want to hook up with you by itself, but positioning is what makes her want to openly associate with you.
An attractive man with no place in the world won’t be attractive to a woman for long.
This is your emotional, spiritual, intellectual world.
Your psychology works in tandem with your biochemistry and positioning, but still has its own corner in your frame and overall life.
Optimizing your psychological and spiritual world is necessary for healthy long-term relationships, and it makes the short-term stuff much easier for you.
The better you know how you and other people work, the less neurotic you’ll be about dating, the more socially adept you’ll be, and the less needy you’ll be.
The more psychologically developed and healthy you are, the more psychologically developed and healthy girls you’ll naturally vibe with.
The more solid your values are, the more solid the values of the girls you attract will be.
When you meet a girl you just “click” with and could spend hours with talking about anything and not getting bored, whether or not you want to sleep with her, that’s psychological attraction at work.
Pure psychological attraction is a great foundation for an emotional connection with a girl, but without biochemical attraction, this connection will not be sexual. You’ll just be friends. Any sex you have will be regrettable.
Strong psychological attraction can make up for a lack of positioning, but positioning augments it by a lot and facilitates meeting girls you’re psychologically and biologically compatible with.
How these affect each other
In an ideal relationship, all 3 of these fundamentals are in check in both partners. Their bodies are healthy and functioning optimally, they’re self-actualizing and moving up in the world, and they’re psychologically healthy and compatible.
You can call this a “power couple”.
In reality, plenty of sexual relationships lack one or two of these fundamentals. (Without any of the three, it’s almost impossible for a sexual relationship to happen in the first place) And those relationships are usually flings, casual things, failed (or amicably split) long-term relationships, or pure learning experiences.
You could be with a girl you’re highly psychologically compatible with, but be turned off by her body.
You could sleep with a girl whose body turns you on like crazy, but not have any common ground beyond wanting to fuck each other.
You could date a girl of similar social status to you who likes all the scenes you like, but be “meh” about her body and not really vibe with her on a personal level.
Here’s what sorts of relationships to expect when one fundamental is missing:
Biochemistry and positioning, but not psychology – Typically leads to short-term relationships (<1 year), or just flings where the sexual tension and common ground are there, but differences in values or eventual divergent psychological development sink any long-term potential.
Biochemistry and psychology, but not positioning – “The one that got away”, situations where both parties enjoy each other’s company and have good sexual chemistry, but differences in social status, lifestyle, or life priorities get in the way and cause friction.
Positioning and psychology, but not biochemistry – Relationships that should work out in theory, but don’t. These tend to be relationships where one partner gives up on the dating game and settles for the other. The sexual polarity isn’t there. The man doesn’t feel like a man, and the woman doesn’t feel like a woman. Or they enjoy each other’s company on a personal level, but one partner is way more physically attractive than the other and wants to trade up to a better biochemical fit.
Also, different people prioritize different fundamentals in different scenarios.
The hot girl you made out with at the bar may have liked you on a biochemical level and she was actively seeking something purely physical, but if you want to date her outside that context, she’ll be turned off by you. You belong to different demographics and have differing emotional worlds. In a dating partner, she wants a guy who’s more in her demographic, who she can relate to more naturally.
You may go through a rough patch and find comfort in a girl who understands what you’re going though, then not find as much value in her when you overcome what you’re dealing with.
A girl may want to date you mainly to use you as a prop in her life, to show the world she’s worthy of dating Mr. High-Status And Successful. Then she’ll sleep with Mr. Hot And Exciting when she gets bored of you.
Most men and women are naturally strong in one or two of these fundamentals and weak or moderately developed in the other one or two.
Think of the bombshell of a girl with a decent social network who makes guys’ jaws drop everywhere she goes, but can’t talk about anything besides sex and fashion.
Think of the successful career man with the fit body who makes six figures but has no game with the ladies and lets other people walk all over him. He doesn’t see any value in himself besides providing money and good looks.
Think of the girl who’s sweet and loving and has lots of friends, but whose average physical attractiveness is decaying because she eats like shit and never exercises.
You may not want a long-term partner just yet, especially if you’re still young and don’t have yourself and your life entirely figured out. That’s fine.
Sometimes, you may just want sex or a fling. This may depend on the girl or on your life circumstances. (ex. you’re moving somewhere new soon and you don’t want to get attached, you’re broke and can’t provide for a girl but you’re still down to fuck)
The girls you meet will want different things from different guys, again, depending on the guy or on their life circumstances.
In any case, if you want to be the best, most sexually attractive version of yourself…
Maximize your leverage in the fundamental(s) you’re strong in, and build up the fundamental(s) you’re weak in.
If you’re an emotionally healthy guy who gets up to fun things, has a strong social life, and is on a good career path, but you find yourself being friendzoned by the girls you like, not feeling or understanding sexual tension, feeling like the sex you do have is completely random and not in your power, and not knowing how to properly create, manage, or escalate a sexual relationship – then developing masculine energy within you and letting it shape your biochemistry will be a game-changer in your dating life. You’re already flooded with opportunities to meet women who may be a good fit for you, but without the proper masculine energy and bodily chemistry, you’ll capitalize on very few of those opportunities.
(At the same time, don’t neglect the power of your social circle and emotional health)
If you’re a physically attractive, masculine guy who’s emotionally healthy and psychologically developed, but your social circle and overall lifestyle are lacking – then you may know the rules of the game and be a natural winner at it, but you’ll have very few opportunities to actually play it. The game-changer for your dating life will be putting yourself in a better position to meet women, through developing your social life and your place in the world.
(At the same time, don’t neglect your sovereign spirit)
If you’re a guy who has it all: looks and muscle, a social circle, social status, and an engaging lifestyle, but you’re psychologically damaged and your emotional world is full of toxic habits, painful baggage, and serious limiting beliefs – then despite your outer allure, any woman of true quality won’t entertain you for long. You may not even meet any in the first place. The only ones you’ll naturally vibe with are similarly psychologically damaged, unhealthy ones. Until you get your psychological/spiritual world in order, you won’t attract the best women you can possibly get.
(At the same time, don’t neglect your outer allure. You may have to ditch your social circle though. Emotionally unhealthy people attract emotionally unhealthy people)
If any of those descriptions matches you, then work with me!
I’m here to help guys who are already getting their lives in order, whose blind spots in dating are holding them back from having the relationships with women they deserve.
You don’t understand the dating game in its entirety? No worries! Let’s work on that together!
So tell me – which fundamental are you strongest in? Which ones could use some work?