How you REALLY fucked things up with that girl

Ever been getting on well with a girl who’s genuinely interested in getting to know you better?

Then done some innocent little thing that BRUTALLY MURDERED her attraction to you? Made her suddenly cold, unreceptive, withdrawn with you?

I’m no stranger to that.

I was neurotic as hell in my early dating life. I agonized over the first few girls I dated, who all coldly rejected me after one date.

“I wish I’d done that date differently so she stayed into me”

Then with the next few girls…

“I don’t want to fuck things up with her”

“What if I fuck things up with her?”

“Yay, I have a date set up, now I just gotta wait for the part where I fuck things up with her”

At one point, I had plans with 4 different girls in one week. After months without a date or a lay, I felt pretty good about myself.

Was this ethical? I thought. Do they prefer me to be a player like that or not?

Then all 4 of those girls bailed on our plans. and I went into a week-long alcohol bender because that (and not getting a job I really wanted) made me feel worthless. My hangover from that was pretty gnarly.

“Why didn’t they give me a chance? I’m sure if they got to know me a bit, they’d like me more”

How absolutely naive.

Why I really fucked things up with all those girls

I was needy and blind to it.

And neediness is the major attraction-killer behind all unattractive behavior. This may not be PC, but sexual relationships only work when the woman needs the man more than he needs her. Both parties should enthusiastically WANT each other, but if the man NEEDS the woman, the sexual polarity goes out the window.

You know why I went into that alcohol bender after all those girls bailed on me that week?

Because I NEEDED them to validate myself. I didn’t cultivate energy from within myself like a guy should. I expected to take it entirely from my environment and from other people, LIKE A GIRL.

Then when I didn’t get my release from girls, I tried and failed to get it from excessive alcohol.

That’s the thing about us gents and masculine energy. We NEED release. Our energy can’t stay within us for long. It builds up within us, then it has to go SOMEWHERE.

Weak, low-tier men expend their energy on masturbation, chasing low-mediocre-quality women, alcohol and drugs and other escapes, and pure fantasy. As soon as they have the impulse for release, they take it. Because of this, they’re consistently low-energy and low-vibration, and only attract people and experiences on that level.

Strong, upwardly mobile men cultivate their energy and control their releases. They expend it on building themselves and their lives up, real-world adventures and relationships, and never on women who don’t serve their higher self. This puts them on a higher level of energy and vibration, and they attract people and experiences on that level.

If 4, 5, even 10 girls rejected me today, I’d just brush it off and go back to doing what I normally do.

Yet back then, my motivation, conscious or not, for everything outside the gym was getting a girlfriend (I was getting swole for myself because being swole is fucking awesome, not to get girls). I wasn’t my own “mental point of origin”, as some guys put it.

My main goal in life was to prove myself as a worthy man THROUGH WOMEN. 


And girls unconsciously picked up on my motivations. I may have AFFECTED non-needy behavior at the time and some girls did buy it, but beneath it all, I was needy. Then when that neediness made itself apparent in even the slightest behavior, girls’ attraction to me died.

It’s not just about APPEARING non-needy. It’s about ACTUALLY BEING non-needy. Then, your subtle, unconsciously-driven behaviors will ATTRACT girls because they communicate that genuine self-direction.

Again, if a girl rejects me today, I just go back to doing WHAT I NORMALLY DO. My sense of purpose comes from my lifestyle and from what I choose to do, not from anyone’s external approval.

My life doesn’t revolve around girl-getting anymore, though that’s still part of it.

The true purpose of rejection

“Why did she reject me?”, “What could I have done to not fuck it up and keep her around?” are the wrong questions.

The real question I should have been asking myself in the early days of my dating life is “why did I go for a girl who wasn’t right for me?”

That’s the thing, gents: Rejection exists to keep people apart who aren’t right for each other. It’s better that incompatibilities and friction surface sooner than later with girls who are wrong for you, then you’ll have to expend less time, attention, and energy on those girls. You can more readily save it for girls who are right for you.

The real lesson you should learn from rejection is: WHAT PARTS OF YOU ARE MISALIGNED WITH WHO YOU SHOULD BE?

If you’re in alignment with your masculine purpose, then your energy will naturally flow into it, and you’ll gain energy back from that purpose. It’s a positive feedback loop of masculine energy.

Because you already get a release and a return of energy from self-actualization, you don’t need women as much to generate your energy. If your mindset is right, you’ll save your energy only for women who measure up to your standards. This permeates every aspect of your being and naturally attracts women who want to receive your high energy.

But if you don’t have a masculine purpose, your life goal will naturally default to sex, or even just earning women’s approval. This also permeates every aspect of your being, and naturally turns off any woman who’s worth something. You’ll go for some lower-quality women just for validation and release. And plenty will reject you.

When a woman rejects you, it’s because you wanted her for the wrong reason.

Maybe you didn’t actually desire her and you only went for her because there was no one better around.

Maybe you had a bad read on her energy.

Maybe you wanted her to create your life, not complement it.

In any case, remember this: a woman who’s truly right for you will ENTHUSIASTICALLY choose you too. You shouldn’t settle for women who are “maybe” or unenthusiastic about you.

And if those “right women” are beneath your standards, you have work to do on yourself.

You should only be going for women who make you feel a certain type of way.

The more aligned you are with your ideal self and higher masculine purpose, the better-quality women you’ll attract.

If you’re not attracting high-quality women, it’s because you lack that higher purpose.

Developing it starts with gaining control over your energy.

So if you consistently find yourself pursuing women who are only “maybe” about you or completely disinterested in you, never ones who are “fuck yes” about you…

If you agonize over things you could have done better with women who’ve rejected you, whether they gave you a shot at first or not…

Get your energy right.

Then better women will naturally be drawn to you. You’ll love being yourself and doing what you do, whether you have women around you or not.

I can help you achieve that.


– Ben

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