Your game is your positioning in the moment.
A quick definition of “game” – It’s behavior that communicates your status as an attractive man, and creates an enjoyable experience for both you and the girl. It can be deliberate or unconsciously driven, usually a mixture of both.
When to amp up your game and when not to
When you meet a girl in a situation where you aren’t strongly preselected (ex. cold approach, a night out where you’re alone or just with one friend, a social gathering where you know only 1-2 people out of 30+), your game needs to be on point for you to come off as high-status and attractive, and also inversely proportionate to your preselection.
You can’t cold approach a girl and just make mundane nice guy conversation. Even if you’re actually a fun, dynamic guy who takes what he wants in other scenarios, her first impression of you won’t be aligned with that. In these cases, game is necessary. There’s no other way for you to make things exciting for the girl.
Weak preselection will kill your chances with almost any woman, no matter how strong your game is. You can’t get her excited through your game if there’s absolutely nothing about your image or vibe that hooks her in. At the very least, have your biochemistry and clothing in check.
Weak to moderate preselection + Weak game = Weak perception as an attractive man. This will attract almost no women.
At the bar when there’s dozens of men around and many of them are taller and bigger than you, you still can’t just make mundane nice guy conversation with the girl or else she’ll easily get bored with you. Your energy must be slightly higher than the energy of her surroundings.
At a party where you know the host and are in with a decent few other people there, you still need attractive behavior to seal the deal with girls who could be into you. Your moderate preselection will do some of the work for you, but your game must fill the void left by the also-moderate preselection you lack.
Moderate preselection + Moderate to strong game = Moderate perception as an attractive man. She’s so-so about you and could go either way. It’s your job to get her imagination going in the right direction.
These are the cases where your behavior is EVERYTHING. The girl hasn’t seen your social body and where you fit into the world, so all she reads is your looks, behavior, and overall vibe. Those tell a story about you, even if you’re unaware of it.
You need strongly attractive behavior to seal the deal. You can’t sit back and let her do all the work in chasing you. Without game, without making a move on her, without getting her imagination going, you will be forgettable or she’ll have no overt reason to invest in you, even if she finds you attractive.
When you are strongly preselected, you can give your game a rest because you may run the risk of overgaming and coming off as tryhard.
This could be in a social environment where you’re “top dog”, a time when you’re the most physically attractive guy in the room, or during an activity where you’re a high achiever or on your way to it (simply watching a man work can turn a woman on).
Also, tall, good-looking guys don’t need to rely on game so much in any context. Their outer appearance strongly preselects them in any environment. This makes some guys think “that’s unfair, why do those guys get all the girls while the other guys don’t?”
Remember, height and good looks are only preselection factors. They can pique a girl’s interest at first impression, but if the guy has little substance beneath those, he’ll bore her and she’ll move on from him (unless the girl also lacks substance beyond her preselection).
You should have good looks and physical presence, but they’re only one factor in your attractiveness, not the entire picture.
Strong preselection + Weak to moderate game = A great foundation for her to be attracted to you and to want to see more of you, but you will still need to amp up the game a tiny bit to seal the deal.
In those cases, mundane nice guy conversation can work, especially in low-key, calm, stable social environments, as she’s already very likely attracted to you. You don’t want to be 100% that way though. You still need to communicate your desire to her through a bit of game. Not too much game, because your preselection is already doing a lot of talking.
When you get to know a girl a bit, what sometimes happens is that your interaction will “run out of steam”. You assume that her being won over is a foregone conclusion, so you put only the bare minimum energy into your game and get stuck in the motions with her. This is a bad move, as predictability kills sexual tension. When things start to get predictable, that’s when you have to amp up your game or risk boring her.
Strong preselection + Strong game = Most useful when she’s already familiar with you, and/or when she’s strongly set on being with you, and you want to put some excitement into the vibe between you two.
If you’re not familiar with a girl who’s already attracted to your preselection, making your game too strong (especially in pre-date texting) can kill your mystique and your place in her imagination. In these cases, backing off a bit, withdrawing your attention, and letting her imagination run wild will be the necessary calm before the storm.
Game is necessary, but it’s not everything
Some guys assume that game is the be-all-end-all of attraction, and I disagree.
“Say these lines, perform these behaviors, then she’ll be into you” dating advice is flawed because it ignores the energy within those lines and behaviors.
Two different men can say the same things and act in the same ways, yet one can come off as cool and confident, and the other can come off as needy and tryhard.
Game doesn’t generate attraction by itself.
It simply escalates pre-existing attraction. It’s a vehicle for your energy, a means of communicating who you truly are without being boring and mundane. It’s the conduit through which your energy reaches the woman’s.
Girls are attracted to your holistic self, not to your game. Your game just communicates your holistic self efficiently and excitingly. Game doesn’t get her excited, but it keeps her excited.
The mistake some guys make with game is wearing it as a mask, disconnecting it from what they’re actually thinking and feeling. Putting on an image that’s misaligned with their honest self. That’s bad game that’ll turn off high-quality women.
Good game is an extension of your honest self. It’s your authentic thoughts and feelings made fun and exciting. High-quality women love this.
You don’t ask her questions like you’re at a job interview or lecture her like she’s a student in a class you’re teaching.
The point is to HAVE FUN WITH HER. She’s sick of her mundane life and wants an exciting guy to distract her from it.
One example of game:
Many dating gurus promote the idea of cold reading – making assumptions about the girl instead of asking questions. This works.
It’s the difference between mundanely asking questions like “where are you from?”, “what do you do for fun?”, and being playful like “you look like you were raised in the countryside” or “with the way your legs look in those leggings, you seem like a hardcore gym bunny”.
Whether you’re right or wrong with your assumptions, you still make your interaction fun. Girls crave attention and to belong to a social body. Cold reading validates both those desires.
The most important thing to remember about game:
Bad game is cold and scripted, done with the intention of winning the girl over. This is low-energy, low-vibration behavior. It’s also not fun for the girl because it makes you predictable. She knows that no matter what, you just want to sleep with her without creating an enjoyable experience for her.
Good game is warm and natural, done with the intention of expressing your truths and finding out her truths without acting like you’re at a job interview. It’s fun for the girl and gets her investing in you more, because you’re not simply trying to use her and get laid. You want to enjoy her for who she is.
When you game, your energy must be higher than the girl’s. You’re not trying to take energy from her. You’re giving her yours. She’s a receptacle for your energy.
Too many guys make the mistake of expecting the girl to bring all the energy to the interaction. She should bring some or else she’s not worth it, but the bulk of the energy between you two needs to come from you.
Otherwise, the guy gives his opener, says his lines, but the girl coldly cuts the interaction because she isn’t getting the proper energy from him.
Here’s an example of absolutely horrible game:
Notice how none of the girls light up with the guy. He’s boring as hell. You can tell he doesn’t actually care about what he’s saying and is thinking “just give me a chance already”.
Proper game starts from within. It’s your authentic feelings externalized. You have to feel them about yourself before the girl feels them about you. Women are mirrors to men: how you feel is likely how they will feel.
Game exists not only to express yourself, but to more strongly attract girls who are receptive to your holistic self.
Guys get stuck in the trap of bad game when their self-perception, or the way they want to come off to others is misaligned with who they truly are.
Think of the guy who constantly makes asexual jokes and funny observations with a girl he really wants to sleep with. He’s making her laugh, so he thinks that means attraction. Wrong. He’s positioning himself as her personal jester. He’d get better results through communicating his sexuality with a bit of humor – being honest about his sexual desire without being boring.
Think of the socially awkward guy who wasn’t cool in high school reading all the “how to be a confident alpha male” tips online. Then he tries to fit this cool, confident image, but his eye contact comes off as creepy, not intense. His posture comes off as stiff and robotic, not strong and erect. He tries to befriend people he doesn’t even like just to have SOMEONE’S approval.
He may try moving in the right ways, but those movements embody the wrong energy. He won’t ACTUALLY BE a confident alpha male until he makes the right sacrifices year after year on the road to mastery.
He’d get better results with girls just owning his awkwardness and inexperience. Girls can find sexual inexperience and a bit of awkwardness endearing if the guy’s well-off in other ways (ex. fit body, certain talents, huge dick, he’s fun to be around despite his social inexperience).
And that’s one way the definition of “good game” varies between guys.
A sexually experienced, suave guy gaming in a frame of awkwardness and inexperience wouldn’t get good results with it…
But with that same game, that awko taco looking to self-improve may attract a girl who’s willing to play the part of the experienced girl who introduces an inexperienced guy to the world of sex. Or more likely, he’ll attract a shy girl who’s similarly inexperienced and is most comfortable with a guy on her level.
Inversely, the sexually experienced, suave guy would do best with that “dominant alpha male” game that’s a bad fit for more awkward guys.
Shorter men do best with aggressive, take-charge game to compensate for their deficit in physical presence, while taller men can afford to have more slow, subdued game. As a 5’7 guy, I do HORRIBLY with girls when I sit back and expect them to notice me first. I get much better results when I just fucking go for them.
Men who value intellect and abstract thinking in women are best off showcasing their own nuanced thinking to get those intellectually developed women relating to them, while women who don’t value abstract ideas so much would be turned off by that game.
Game is also context-dependent.
Personally, my game at bars is very physical – dancing with girls, spinning them around, and making out with them if they’re receptive, all without saying a word. But that would be out of place in a cold approach, where I demonstrate desire more verbally.
There is no objectively best game out there. Guys succeed when they find a version of it that works for them, and fail when they try being someone they aren’t with it.