A young king named Tell wrote a thread yesterday about how “women who dislike social media are based af and wife material”
I get what he’s thinking. Like any guy with his head on straight, he wants a woman with good values who isn’t overly concerned with her image. A woman who’d rather enjoy a sunset than stare at her phone. A woman who worries more about living in the moment at the party than the Instagram pictures she takes at it.
Is this a realistic thing to expect? – A woman who DOESN’T enjoy social media? A woman who stays away from it because it doesn’t appeal to her?
“Just marry a man,” one of the replies said.
And honestly, I agree with that.
No disrespect to Tell; with the moves he’s making, he deserves a quality woman who supports him in anything he does.
But guys like him have to really drill this into themselves – You can’t enjoy a woman’s desirable feminine traits (nurture, joy, life-bringing, etc) without also occasionally handling the undesirable ones (hypergamy, image-consciousness, subterfuge, etc).
Plus, if you’re on social media yourself and you expect to date women without it – That’s a bit hypocritical, eh?
Women’s relationship to image
Social media is a godsend to women, who are highly image-conscious by nature.
Men exist partially sovereign, partially in social body.
Men are mostly utilitarian and partially sexual.
Women exist entirely in social body and are entirely sexual.
To a man, his image is only the outer layer of his being.
To a woman, she IS her image.
While men compete with each other in terms of who PERFORMS the best (strongest muscles, smartest intellect, highest income, most sexual success, etc), women compete with each other in terms of who LOOKS the best (prettiest face, most voluptuous body, most preserved youth, hottest boyfriend, most successful husband, most high-energy places she’s been seen at, etc).
Social media didn’t create this instinct in women. It’s only a channel for it. Even the most righteous women will have it, with or without social media. Therefore, expecting an attractive woman to dislike social media is unrealistic.
If you want a truly feminine woman, you need to accept the fact that she’s highly image and status-conscious by nature, even if outwardly, she seems like a good, wholesome girl next door.
Guys can take offense to this part of female nature, “Well, what about character and values and liking me for who I am, not just for what I provide?”
All that just comes AFTER a woman secures her social status with you. When she attaches herself to you, your status and lifestyle become hers. She won’t pursue you if you can’t give her a higher position in the world. Hypergamy and all that jazz.
Like any instinct, image-consciousness can manifest in high-vibration and low-vibration ways.
It’s like men’s instinct for conquest can turn away high quality women when we channel it into playing video games all day or bedding “easy” women. But it attracts them when we channel it into self-betterment and creation.
Or how they feel about our logic-biased brains when we argue with them (don’t) vs when we’re at work (they’ll get hot for that).
It’s not about WHETHER a woman has that image-consciousness. It’s about how she manifests it.
It’s not about WHETHER she’s posting photos of herself looking pretty on Instagram. Which demographic of man does she want to attract with her photos?
It’s not about WHETHER she competes with other women based on image. What values of hers does she manifest in her image-seeking?
Does she GIVE to the world through her image, or does she simply TAKE?
As women mature, they can learn to transcend the lower-vibration attitudes in their image-consciousness (most have a mix of both higher and lower-vibration attitudes there).
A high-vibration woman will use her image (both on social media and in person) to attract men who are similarly loving, abundance-minded, and giving.
A low-vibration woman will do the same to attract men who, like her, are fearful, scarcity-minded, and take more than they give.
Reconciling the two sides of women
In my last newsletter, I talked about your “light self” and your “shadow self”.
The former embodies your more desirable traits, the latter your less desirable traits.
What happens with some men and women who’ve been burnt by their own mistakes in the past is – THEY SEPARATE THEIR LIGHT SELF AND SHADOW SELF, REFUSING TO INTEGRATE THEM.
“That’s not me anymore!”
Counterintuitively, by trying to dissociate themselves from their shadow self, they define themselves more by it. They can’t move on from the darkness until they learn to integrate it, to transform it into fuel for achieving their higher ideals, for reasons beyond “I don’t want to be that way anymore”.
You gotta accept that there’s parts of you that crave a whole range of dark things – sexual domination, self-numbing, destruction, violence – and learn to integrate them into your personality in healthy ways. Identify the dark, primal desires you want to fulfil, and find righteous ways to satisfy your shadow.
This “I want a wholesome girlfriend who’s not like the mediocre Instagram thots” mentality is a way of consciously rejecting your shadow self. It’s a way your conscious virtue signals to your unconscious.
I went through this phase myself last year. I had enough of my old bad habits and the mediocre thots I used to associate with, so I set my sights on a wholesome trad gf.
And you know what – I never found her. She doesn’t exist. And even if she does, I don’t actually want her. In practice, girls who are unaware of their shadow self (or deliberately self-distancing from it) can be as much of a liability as girls who are entirely driven by their shadow self.
As much as some of us masculine-minded guys like to believe that the best girls for us are super-wholesome girls who don’t use social media at all, want to stay virgins till they meet you specifically, and wear cute sundresses unlike how the other girls dress…
Know that girls like this come with their own issues, and these may not be issues you’re down to deal with. Sexual repression can be as destructive and conducive to unhealthy relationships as sexual overindulgence.
Instead, find girls who embody light while being conscious and accepting of their shadow. You can’t have a healthy relationship only knowing one of those two sides of you, or knowing both but separating them.
And you start by embodying your own light while getting comfortable in your own shadow.
Plenty of girls out there wear short shorts instead of sundresses, tank tops instead of blouses, and leggings as pants… They’re not virgins… They use social media… They gossip… And they’re as “good girl” as they get. They’re ready to be the feminine complement to your masculine endeavors, with little drama and plenty of fun.
Plus, in your masculine frame, their feminine energy will grow. Your masculine strength will mold them into better women.
To get them and mold them, you must get yourself and mold yourself.
Work with me, and I’ll teach you more about what’s really making you and the women you want tick.