A lot of dating advice out there is very game-focused.
“Say this, do this, then she’ll like you”
Game is necessary when dealing with women, but it’s only a vehicle for your masculine energy. It’s not the source of that masculine energy.
That’s why as a dating coach, I focus on developing that energy BEFORE worrying about the game and tactics.
Everything you hear about in the dating advice industry matters – looks, money, status, game, energy, psychology. You just have to take care of these things in the proper order.
What’s the difference between game that works and game that doesn’t work?
Here’s some of these dating advice guys’ and their followers’ problem:
They’re all about the image of being an attractive guy, not the genuine substance.
They’re about faking it, not actually making it.
When you teach a man with a weak sense of self how to appear as an attractive man, he’ll only get with women who lack substance themselves. Those are the only ones who’ll fall for his tricks and affectations. He’s not ACTUALLY FORGING HIMSELF INTO an attractive man. He’s a nobody just playing one. The women with real substance to them will see right through the tactics and set their sights on a man who’s ACTUALLY SOMEONE.
However, game-based dating advice does create real results with quality women, FOR CERTAIN GUYS.
The dating gurus and their followers who get results from focusing mainly on game and positioning already have some genuine masculine substance to them. They already had the looks, status, and lifestyle to pique girls’ interest. They just needed a little self-belief and a little mindset work, and voila – now they’re getting girls adoring them.
Their game is aligned with who they GENUINELY ARE, so it works.
But when I went down that path…
I couldn’t get ANY girls, even if I was doing everything objectively right with my game, positioning, and psychology. Being high-status in a social circle. Not chasing. Being cocky and funny. Etcetera.
Some guys I’ve worked with have already had a solid foundation for getting girls. At the start of working with me, they were doing way better than I was at my start. They were already a magnet to some girls, just not positioning themselves right and dealing with limiting beliefs.
These guys do benefit from game-focused dating advice, as they already naturally attract girls, so they can afford missteps in game and finding a form of it that works for them is easy, but they weren’t entirely able to capitalize on their opportunities in the past. Limiting beliefs and insecurities and all that jazz.
My past self would have benefited more from the substance-focused dating advice. Biochemistry especially.
I started from the bottom in being an attractive guy. Bad-looking and weak. No status and no social circle. No game. Few wins in anything. Poor psychological health packed with traumas and limiting beliefs. Didn’t have the right developmental experiences in my adolescence to make me “JUST GET IT” with girls, besides watching them go for seemingly any guy but me because those guys all had something I didn’t.
Then when I started to wisen up to how the dating world really works, getting into redpill stuff and working on my game…
I could get girls to want me on a logical level, but when it came time to seal the deal and escalate our relationship, they’d almost always be magnetically pushed away from me, naturally finding reasons not to proceed with me as a sexual partner.
Occasionally, a girl would flirt with me a bit, maybe even kiss me, but she wouldn’t be super enthusiastic like I’d see girls being with other guys.
That baffled me. I glew up as an adult. I dressed well. I wasn’t shy. I wasn’t overly nice or overly douchey. I had a sense of humor. I had goals and aspirations in life. I was so muscular that BMI classified me as borderline overweight.
Yet the girls still went for seemingly any guy but me.
It’s like other guys had a magnetism to them that made girls be like “FUCK YES I WANT TO BE WITH THIS GUY”, but I was only a “maybe if I’m bored” at best.
Was I cursed to be sexually undesirable because I wasn’t cool in high school and everyone could smell the loserhood on me?
So I kept searching for the right tactics, the right ways to frame myself as an attractive guy. And they worked, but not in the way I wanted them to.
I ended up convincing a lot of people that I was attractive. People always assumed I got lays and dates way more than I actually did. But I still rarely got any real results with girls after initially piquing their interest, and that hurt.
What was the point in everyone thinking I was getting girls when I actually rarely was? Besides an ego boost built on false pretense?
My real problem in hindsight
I used to think my problem was my looks or my height (I’m 5’7″).
I’d think – If only I was a taller Chad, then girls would have been FUCK YES about me. They would have enthusiastically begged for my presence instead of just leaving me as a “maybe” all the time.
And honestly yeah, a lot of girls didn’t want to be with me because I didn’t look a certain way or because I wasn’t high-status in certain demographics.
But I had more opportunities for sexual success than I thought.
I did attract some attractive girls back then. I just didn’t recognize my true potential. I failed to capitalize on those opportunities not because they weren’t into me (they would have enthusiastically given me a shot!), but because I wasn’t yet the guy who was worthy of them.
This was a harsh realization:
I actually failed with girls because I was failing at being myself. I was failing at being a self-directed man.
I had all these beliefs about myself that simply weren’t true, and they were holding me back from alignment with the man I should be.
So the universe denied me girls. It was like “Damn it, Ben. I’m gonna withhold pretty girls from you until you become the man who’s worthy of them”.
And that’s how it works for any guy. Women are your reward for growing into the man you should be. If you refuse to forge yourself into him, if you refuse true manhood, the universe will naturally deny you amazing relationships with amazing women until you become who you should be.
My life was all about faking it, not actually making it. I felt like my genes were cursed and destined for sexual rejection, so I operated based on that belief. I chose to FAKE IT, not MAKE IT.
If I couldn’t ever be successful in anything (WRONG), I thought the best I could do was give the impression that I was an “Alpha”.
And that’s why I didn’t get results with girls, even if I had the right image. Outwardly, I may have been a socially competent, sexually worthy guy, but my energy said otherwise. Beneath the charisma and social successes, I was still that scared, self-loathing, insecure guy living in scarcity. And people, especially girls, picked up on that, usually unconsciously.
Your intentions and truths are more visible than you may think.
You can’t hide your flaws and undesirable traits away forever. They always come out sooner or later. Instead of sweeping them under the rug and pacifying them, you’re best off doing the work to overcome them and remove them from your sphere of existence.
I didn’t naturally attract a higher caliber of girl until I did the inner, energetic work, until I repurposed myself. Until I let go of limiting beliefs, aligned my mindset with reality, discovered my masculine purpose in this world, and strengthened myself in every domain.
I know what I can get now.
Anyhoo, that’s my story.
What about yours?
Are you already getting opportunities with the ladies but you’re unsure how to capitalize on em?
Got some limiting beliefs holding you back?
Are you an absolute sexual failure like I used to be, even if you’re getting in shape, working on your lifestyle, and educating yourself about sociosexual dynamics?
Work with me, because you wouldn’t take financial advice from someone who’s grown up never worrying about money.
“Just save and earn” (and have high-earning parents who have no problem supporting you when you’re not making your own money)
Now how about a guy who’s always been attractive?
“Say this, do this, then she’ll like you” (when it’s not even the tactics that get him girls, but his holistic self)
No, you want someone who’s started from the bottom. Who had to learn it all through experience. Who went from no hope to being unstoppable.
I know all the intricacies of becoming an attractive man, because I HAD TO LEARN THEM OR STAY IMPOTENT AND SEXUALLY DESELECTED FOREVER. I’m literally obsessed with this stuff, because it’s helped me immensely.
I know how malleable your looks, positioning, and psychology really are.
I have INSANE knowledge about both big and little tricks that’ll improve your attractiveness in every domain.
Let me teach you everything you’re missing about getting and retaining the girls you could.