Grief over what could have been

Normally, I’m constantly on the move. Training, eating, writing, getting out.

I hate being idle.

As a young man who’s getting his testosterone up, I’m naturally full of energy.

But sadly, the Corona hysteria is in full force. Small business owners have lost their livelihoods. The economy has crashed. People have died, and not just from the virus.

I’m pissed. My energy isn’t flowing like it should.

We’ve overturned so many people’s lives, stolen their freedoms, for a virus that has a 99%+ survival rate.

With this lack of freedom, I’ve been introspecting plenty.

What else is there to do sometimes?

Major emotion I’ve been feeling: Grief. Especially over what could have been.

What if the lockdown hadn’t happened and I could have reached all my goals faster cause of that?

What if I’d made better decisions years ago? Where would I be now if so?

What if X thing hadn’t happened? Who would I… SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAIN

Better now than later

Overthinking gets you nowhere, as I’ve learned the hard way many times.

Being attached to the past and wishing I could fix it is a flaw of mine, and I’m working on overcoming it.

Meeting new girls instead of fixating on past ones is one such path for me, and for any guy who overthinks.

But that’s been hard during the lockdown.

So I’ve just been focusing on building myself up.

Action >>>> Thought

Action shapes the world much more than introspection does.

Better now than later is the mantra.

Better you do the work to improve yourself now than later.

Better you wisen up to the realities of yourself and the dating world now than later.

Better you have regrets now than have regrets later.

Better you regret what you did at 14 than what you did at 24.

Better you regret what you did at 18 than what you did at 38.

How to overcome past regrets

We all have our emotional wounds.

Things we wish went differently. Things we wish didn’t happen. Things we didn’t get to experience.

And you can decide how to feel about them.

Will they hold you back?

Or will you transmute them – channel them into better things?

Maybe you lost someone close to you.

Maybe you’ve always been a loser in the social world.

Maybe some horrible, traumatic thing has happened to you.

Maybe you made a bad decision, or series of them, in the past that still haunts you today.

In any case, what’s done is done. That’ll always be in your past.

But how can you leverage those bad things into greater ones?

Being ugly as a kid and teen inspired me to take major responsibility for my body. I’ve learned plenty about fitness and health through changing my body for the better.

My former failure of a dating life inspired me to learn plenty about intersexual dynamics (which I’ve enjoyed more than anything I’ve learned about in school), and even turn my learning into a business, so I can help other guys who are struggling with the ladies like I used to.

Growing up socially stunted and having almost nothing but unbalanced, unhealthy friendships has had its positives – I’m not tied down by any social group. I’m free to define myself and create myself without being beholden to any social body, while other people don’t know better than sticking with the same friends they’ve had all their life. I know every red flag in the book too, because I’ve lived them all.

All my failures in every domain have added up to competence and wisdom. I’ve gotten life experience through them that I couldn’t have gotten any other way.

You can’t change the past.

But you can change your present and future. You can reframe your reality so it serves you.

I don’t care if you’re 14, 18, 22, 25, 27, 30, 39, 41, 50, 53, 55, 60, 65, 68.9, or even 70 years old.

As long as you’re alive, there are always things you can do to improve your dating life, and your life in general.

What’s something you’ve been doing to make your future self happy? In dating and/or outside of it?

Reply to this email and tell me all about how you’ve been building yourself up.

I’m reading every reply.

– Ben

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