When she says “I have a boyfriend”…

Guys may ask: What does she really mean by that?

Is she telling the truth? Is she lying – to reject you or to see if you’ll try harder?

And I may answer:

Watch her intentions

There’s a saying.

Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.

Sometimes, she may have a boyfriend but wish you’d steal her from him.

Other times, she’s not into you and either is lying to let you down easy, or she actually has a boyfriend.

If you cold approach a girl, show intent, and she’s quick to say “I have a boyfriend”, she’s not into you and wants to let you down easy. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

The right thing to do there is to let her know it’s all good and politely say goodbye. “I have a boyfriend” right at the start = a no-questions-asked rejection 99.9% of the time.

“That’s alright, you take care,” is my go-to goodbye when this happens.

And here’s a video showing the WRONG thing to do. When she objects to your advances right from the start, you don’t want to keep pushing, don’t keep trying to win her over, because 1. You don’t want to reward non-compliant behavior, and 2. You don’t want to position yourself as needy and supplicant, trying to win her over. She should be trying to win YOU over.

Your attention is more powerful than your words, which is what some guys miss. Don’t give her attention she hasn’t earned. Don’t assume you can say some magical Right Thing™ that’ll win her over. Women are attracted to your energy, not to your words.

If she isn’t positioning herself in ways that give her potential to be with you, she ain’t into you.

If she talks highly or neutrally of her boyfriend, odds are she ain’t into you. She’d rather be with him.

When she IS into you…

Like I said, she may wish you’d steal her from her boyfriend. If she’s bored with him. If you’re a better option to her than the guy she’s already saddled with.

Often, she chooses to spend time with you over him. This is usually when you’re already familiar; she’s bored of her relationship and testing the waters with you to see if you’re worth it as a branch swing, under the guise of just trying to be friends. Some girls won’t leave relationships until they have a better guy lined up.

(Or if your testosterone is low, she’s legitimately just trying to be friends)

She could also tear down her boyfriend and imply he isn’t man enough for her. Women don’t like to communicate directly. Subcommunication is their preferred channel. Think not about WHAT she’s saying and doing, but about WHY she’s doing it, about WHAT SHE’S TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH with it.

“I have a boyfriend” right when you show interest = “I’m not into you”

“I have a boyfriend, but I kinda want to break up with him” = “I’m attracted to you and I want to see how bad you want me, maybe even have a regrettable hookup with you. Are you a better option for me than he is?”

“My boyfriend makes me feel sooo happy” = “My boyfriend makes me feel sooo happy”

“My boyfriend and I like to go for hikes and watch movies together” = “I’m bonded with this guy, you can’t steal me from him”

“My boyfriend is so annoying when he… My boyfriend is so indecisive… My boyfriend is so immature…” = “Please be a man and steal me from this weakling who doesn’t deserve me, who I’m only with for the social benefits”

*Emotionally vents to you about her boyfriend-related neuroses* = “I want your attention, nothing more” (if a guy really makes her feel something, positive or negative, she’ll get addicted to those feelings)

If she really wants to be with you, SHE’S ROOTING FOR YOU. SHE WANTS YOU TO GET HER. She wants you to be the guy who’ll sweep her off her feet and lead her into something amazing. She’ll give you opportunities to do just that.

But she won’t make it easy for you.

She’ll test you to see what kind of man you really are.

So if you’re faking yourself in any way, even the best game in the world won’t keep her interested in you. The incongruities will show and she’ll go back to looking for a guy who actually walks the walk. Female intuition is a hell of a thing.

Plenty of dating coaches out there only teach you the talk. This can get you some girls, but only retain ones that are similarly all talk.

For a higher calibre of lady, let me teach you the walk.

Git sum gorlz,

– Ben

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