In the early days of my dating life, I used to binge online dating advice. I’d study for school at a library computer, and take breaks from that to study for my dating life.
As a young gent who didn’t get much experience with the ladies as a teen, I made my dating life into an intellectual pursuit like anything else I’d enjoy thinking about. I’d do my research day by day.
To disastrous results.
All this online dating advice actually made my dating experience WORSE.
When you over-intellectualize dating…
You’re taken out of the moment.
You assume you should analyze things that don’t actually deserve analysis, but just to be felt.
If you’re really inexperienced, you may be patronizing yourself and not knowing it. Have some self-respect.
Most of this advice like…
“Just be confident and be yourself!”
“Take her to multiple venues!”
“Sit across from her, not beside her!”
“Put these tricks into your body language!”
It’s not wrong, but…
Don’t you already know this stuff? Is it not obvious shit to anyone with a bit of social awareness?
I followed it, and could barely get or retain any girls. It was all surface-level stuff that didn’t address the real underlying issues that were fucking up my dating life – sub-optimal biochemistry, weak positioning, and poor psychological health. Get those in order, and everything else naturally follows.
Do the authors of those articles think you’re dumb, no matter how experienced in the dating world you are or aren’t?
I’d go on dates, apply that advice, then… “Nice meeting you” (Girls’ favorite polite way of telling you to fuck off)
But I was doing everything right, so why the fuck couldn’t I keep a girl into me? I was jacked and physically capable, well-dressed, well-groomed, a guy with personality, and moving up in the world, so I was an attractive guy on paper…
But the realities of who I was weren’t that simple.
And it’s these sorts of realities that I want to make guys aware of, so their dating lives become what they could be ASAP. So they don’t struggle harshly in the dating world longer than they should.
See, that aforementioned dating advice DOES work…
But just for guys with a bit of experience under their belt who already do decently, who already have good preselection and positioning, but could use a little reminder or a little motivation porn here and there.
It DOESN’T work when you’re a guy who has little frame of reference for success in the dating world, who has plenty of emotional baggage he needs to get past before having healthy relationships with girls, which is who I used to be, and one type of guy I want to work with.
It made my dating life worse because it inhibited me from fully expressing myself and all my rough edges, instead making me think being a PERFECT dater was the way to go.
Perfect is boring though.
And your rough edges are where REAL connections are made.
If you’re a guy like I used to be, you need imperfect, rough, disappointing dating experiences before you get the good, joyful, invigorating ones. Those will show you where you’re lacking as a man, and where to improve.
Don’t get stuck in those though. A horrible dating life (or not having one at all) now may seem like it’ll last forever, but I know for a FACT – No matter what type of guy you are, there’s always something you can do to improve yourself and your dating life. You CAN AND SHOULD settle for nothing less than what you deserve in the dating world.
The dating advice that DOES work, for any guy
Different guys have different problems in dating.
Some guys struggle with choosing a girl from their options to get closer with. Some guys struggle with getting even ONE girl.
Some guys could use some work on their attractiveness, to say the least. Other guys attract girls just by being themselves, but mess things up or don’t know how to capitalize on their opportunities.
Some guys want a healthy, secure, committed relationship with one awesome girl. Other guys would rather play the field and balance multiple girls instead of settling down.
Some guys date nothing but unhealthy, unstable, insecure girls. Other guys envy them because at least they’re dating someone!
Some guys have trouble finding a girl who wants to have sex while they’re only casually dating. Other guys have trouble finding a girl who wants to wait to have sex.
And you don’t solve most of these problems through platitudes:
Yeah, but how?
“By not caring what people think of you!”
So how do you stop caring what people think of you?
“Just have hobbies, do things that interest you, and make some friends!”
But I already do all that and my dating life’s still shite! Where am I going wrong with all this?
That’s exactly what I used to think when I was an inexperienced dater.
The best dating advice is advice that doesn’t tell you what to DO (because what works in one scenario, with one demographic, at one stage in your life, may not be right in/with/at another), but rather helps you UNDERSTAND THE MACHINATIONS of yourself, the other gents, the ladies, and the dating world.
That’s why I’m a proponent of “redpill” type advice, because at least that EXPLAINS WHY men and women act how they do instead of spitting a bunch of basic platitudes. It’s not the whole picture though, so don’t rely on it entirely.
From properly understanding the dating world, and all its harsh and pleasant realities, the proper behaviors and the proper mindsets will naturally come.
You won’t need to fake, affect, or angst about anything.
You won’t treat dating as an intellectual exercise, but rather as it should be: A fun little exchange of energies and emotions.
If you don’t understand the dating world as well as you could, I’m here to help.