Ouf, this is something I think to myself all the time.
About girls – If I knew what I know now earlier, then I could have easily dropped the ones who were bad for me and been more confident with the higher-quality ones. I had more to offer the dating world than I used to think.
About fitness and health – If only I knew the real reason I’ve been so fatigued in the gym all year – I was deficient in carbs, tanking my insulin 24/7, preventing my body from getting nutrients to my muscles even if my testosterone was fine. If only I knew all the nuances about micronutrients earlier instead of learning them all this year. If only I knew everything I know now about nutrition back in high school, so my gains could have been so much damn FASTER.
About my aspirations in life – If only I strongly pursued what truly makes me feel alive a few years ago, then I’d be so much more successful now. I’d have made the same mistakes, only sooner.
Here’s the thing about life
Your true competence is forged through properly leveraging your times of dumbassery.
Because we’re all dumbasses sometimes. That’s just life.
I have my blind spots to my own dumbassery that I’m working to uncover. For example, what I said earlier about insulin. I tried everything to get my workouts to where they used to be – various supplements, quitting coffee, drinking more olive oil, eating more protein, sleeping better, etc.
Turns out it was about my insulin, which I was completely ignoring. Eating almost entirely carnivore wasn’t as glamorous as I used to think.
But there’s a plus to this dumbassery of mine – Before I knew my frequent workout fatigue was due to 24/7 low insulin… I did a SHITTON of research into natural testosterone-boosting methods and other biochemistry stuff. So I exited that problem a better man.
And even after that, a few of my workouts were shite cause guess what… LOW CORTISOL! More learning and growing!
Now I’m not a fitness coach, so let’s cut the fitness talk. I’m a dating coach.
So let’s talk about dating.
Flip the script
Stop telling yourself “if only I knew then…”
Because you didn’t! You didn’t know then what you know now!
If only you were less needy with that girl…
If only you had the balls to make a move on that other girl…
If only you didn’t waste months or years dating that girl…
There’s no changing the past, so let go of that.
Think of your future self. What will he wish he’d have known today?
Where are you currently going wrong with yourself? And what can you do to put yourself on the right course sooner than later? How can you learn through gentle foresight rather than through brutal error?
Think of the man you want to be, and what about your current self is misaligned with him.
Is he sober? Free from porn; actually fucking instead of jerking off? Financially successful? Jacked and/or ripped? Moving up in the social world? Dressed a certain way? Successful in a certain domain?
What is that man doing day by day, week by week, month by month? He’s the sum of his habits, so why aren’t you practicing all of them?
Learn to learn pre-emptively.
Now, I’m not a life coach, nor a fitness coach, nor a sobriety coach.
I can’t tell you what to do as a career, what sorts of financial mistakes you’re making, and my knowledge of fitness is basically “lift heavy, eat these foods, and you’ll turn out fine”.
However, it’s obvious what I AM here to help you with.
I know all the patterns various guys run into in the dating world, which they’re unconscious of.
Then they look back at their mistakes and think “if only I…”
(And I’ve felt that pain quite harshly)
No more of that.