I’ve been thinking recently about what masculinity and being a man mean to me. Not to redefine it for myself, as I intuitively understand this energy very well. Just to put it into words.
Three concepts came to the forefront: Strength, potency, and responsibility.
But before we dive into those, especially into strength, I wanna say – There’s no one perfect way to be a masculine man. Men can channel their masculinity into a variety of things: Athletics, art, music, education, having a harem of women, committing to one woman, living a fast-paced lifestyle, living a calm lifestyle, etc. As long as your life is lived through following your masculine energy, not through suppressing it.
Being a masculine man isn’t about ticking certain boxes on a “manliness checklist”. It’s all about recognizing and embodying your natural masculine energy and everything it drives you to be, do, and have.
But going into all the details of masculine energy is a little esoteric for a blog post. Let’s save it for coaching.
Responsibility obviously manifests itself in any pursuit a man takes on. You don’t need me to explain to you why men should be responsible for their own purpose and sense of direction.
Now let’s talk about
Strength is THE central masculine attribute. Look at what testosterone does to us: It strengthens our bones and our muscles. It toughens our skin (you have no idea how many times I accidentally cut or stab myself when I’m cooking. No bleeding. No noticeable cuts or wounds. And when I used to do contact sports…) It gives us drive and a sense of moving forward. It gives us the vigor, virility, and vitality we need to face life’s adversities with. It makes us emotionally resilient and able to take on storms and demons in the spiritual, immaterial world.
Think “masculine man”, and you likely picture a tall, rugged, muscled man who’s grunting and lifting weights and beating other guys up or some shit.
Those are masculine traits for sure, but by far, they’re not the whole picture. Gentlemanliness AND savagery make a man masculine, not just one or the other.
Every man who’s truly a man is potent. Weak, impotent men are unattractive, uninteresting, and unvalued on a primal level. Might hurt to hear, but remember that you don’t have to be a millionaire barbarian to be an attractive man. You just gotta cultivate your masculine potency in the domains that make you feel most alive.
It’s possible for a man to be successful but impotent, interestingly enough. He can be useful but unmasculine. But let’s not go too far into that subject. We’re here to talk about strength, not for a SOYBOY CRINGE COMPILATION.
Masculine strength is both violent and benevolent, a force of destruction and a force of creation, not just one or the other.
Your masculine potency manifests itself not only in what you can do to lift yourself up, but in how you can lift other people up.
The guy who’s boasting about how tough he is, exaggerating his true potency, embodies IMMATURE masculinity. (I bet you’ve known a guy like this)
The guy who doesn’t talk shit, who lets his potency speak for itself, embodies MATURE masculinity. (if that’s you, hoo rah)
What you DON’T say or consciously put into your persona says PLENTY MORE about you than what you DO say and consciously put into your persona.
Contrary to what some heavily socially conditioned people and wannabe alpha males think…
Your masculine nature isn’t a performance or a persona or a social construct. It’s who you genuinely ARE. And again, masculinity can manifest itself in various ways.
See what I’m getting at?
Masculine archetypes vary between men. Some men are fighters or sportsmen, others artists or musicians or creatives, or problem-solvers, or educators, or patriarchs, or hunters, or casanovas, or family men, or one with nature, or tradesmen, or whatever masculine purpose they feel a calling to. Again, there’s no one true way to be a masculine man.
But the underlying principles behind these masculine purposes don’t vary – Strength, Potency, Responsibility.
Men need STRENGTH to:
- Not break against life’s adversities
- Push themselves in life and to push other people to be better
- Assert themselves against evil and to uphold good
- Not be swayed into decay by evil forces
Men need POTENCY to:
- Have the proper energetic fuel to achieve what they gotta
- Attract women on a primal, visceral level
- Be driven to succeed, to have that fire within them that drives them to do great things
Men need RESPONSIBILITY to:
- Provide something beneficial to society
- Be purposeful and self-directed, instead of aimlessly drifting through life
- Rise up in the world and really make a name for themselves
- Have avenues through which to connect with other people
Now let’s get into the antitheses of these traits – weakness, impotence, irresponsibility. Not exactly what you’d see in a strong, competent, masculine gent.
Weak men break easily. They’d rather tear others down than build them up. They’re easily swayed by evil and temptation. They can’t resist any force that comes their way, especially evil forces.
Impotent men lack energy and vitality. They’re only utilities to women, not rocks they can lean on. They don’t want to do anything but survive, feel pleasure, and escape from their dreary existence into fantasy.
Irresponsible men don’t do much for others, nor for themselves. They lack direction and either stagnate or decay. They lack opportunities to rise up in the world because they don’t seek them out.
Sounds like anyone you’ve met?
Or sadly, yourself?
Don’t beat yourself up, as long as you’re self aware, high-functioning, and taking steps to get better. But also, don’t expect to go from 0 to 100 real quick. Becoming a man who’s worth something ALWAYS has its trials and rough patches. You can’t have your victories without getting some defeats.
Maybe you’re a man who’s at 0 and doesn’t want to do the work to get better. You’d rather blame other people and the world for your malaise and inadequacy, than take the necessary responsibility to forge yourself into a better man. In that case, fuck off and let the real men mingle amongst themselves.
But if you’re a man who was at 0 but is doing the work to get to 1, then 2, then 3, then 4, etc, read on. You’re exactly who I want to work with. But truth is, you don’t need me to get you to 100. You CAN get a kickass dating life without me.
But how long will that take?
I’m not here to do anything for you you can’t already do for yourself. I’m only here to speed up the process. What would be years of work and personal growth for you – accomplished in a few months instead – sounds great to me. Few people regret spending money. That’s easy to make back. But lost time is one of life’s most painful regrets. You can’t get that back once it’s gone.
If you want a little guidance in figuring out YOUR masculine archetype…
In getting acquainted with your masculine nature smoothly and naturally…
Then enjoying it as the ladies see and smell it on you, and drift magnetically towards you…
Be a better man every day,