The real reason you made her uncomfortable

Think of times women have acted in these sorts of ways:

She made a bullshit excuse to leave a date early (ex. “my friend needs me”). She frustrated you with her games and/or being unwilling to meet up. She was “maybe” about going all the way in the middle of making out with you, then that “maybe” became “no”, and she dashed outta your place.

Must have infuriated you, eh?

You didn’t know what you did wrong! Things were going alright, then BAM, she lost interest in you for seemingly no fucking reason!

Wondering why?

It’s because you made her uncomfortable.

Not with your sexuality. Women wouldn’t want you if you weren’t sexual.

You made her uncomfortable with your TRANSACTIONAL MINDSET.

Even if she’s consciously seen some value in you, you can’t hide your true self from her unconscious. Even if you execute your “alpha male game attraction system” perfectly… Little, subtle, uncontrollable things about you will subcommunicate your truly needy self.

It’s not just women. Don’t YOU want to feel genuinely wanted, not objectified or bargained with?

Too many men approach women in a frame of “she has something I want. How do I manipulate her into giving it up?” BAD MINDSET.

It always shows itself in subtle ways, no matter how well you conceal it.

Guess what types of women it attracts. Women who think “men have something I want (attention). How do I manipulate them into giving it up?”

This leads to dating experiences where you just can’t be yourself. And the woman can’t be vulnerable with you. You’re hiding behind personas, fighting for dominance over the frame. And she always wins. Women are masters of psychological warfare. If a gamey woman notices she’s losing, she’s outta there.

And the ladies who want a secure, healthy connection with a gent are REPULSED by being objectified in this frame. A transactional mindset is poison for your relationships with women.

Don’t YOU also want to be wanted for better reasons than “I’m bored and he isn’t ugly”?

Here’s my personal rule:

If I ever find myself feeling the itch to bargain with a girl, I don’t scratch it. I take my attention away from her and do other things with my time. If we’re in a social situation together, I’ll sooner chill and be silent than try to be gregarious and win her. I’d rather have her fantasize about what could have been with me than get too much of me too fast.

Don’t bargain, gents.

Any time you find yourself doing something in the interest of earning a woman’s approval instead of making yourself happier, CUT THAT SHIT. DON’T GIVE HER ANY OF IT. This includes anything from the first meeting to the first date to the first kiss to the first fuck and beyond.

Yes, you may lose her for it.

But the alternative is way worse: Wasting time trying to win over a woman who doesn’t actually desire you. You’re best off identifying and ditching these women earlier than later.

We can’t control what any specific woman chooses to do, nor which women desire us, past the work we do on ourselves. We can’t bargain with her so she changes her behavior towards us. Bargaining makes us lose our power, and consequently, her respect for us.

Plus, objectifying women, seeing sex as something you win from them rather than something you freely, enthusiastically share, is a toxic mentality.

What we can control:
  1. Our level of self-respect
  2. WHICH women we interact with

So 1. Put your focus onto winning as a man, not onto winning a woman. Your higher purposes always come before getting some puss. Success is not getting a woman. Success is being a valuable man. Failure is being with a woman who’s only using you. Success is settling for no less than a woman who genuinely desires you.

And 2. Refuse any woman who doesn’t genuinely desire you. If you’re observant and have high standards, you know the signs. If she’s playing games or being “maybe” about things, be quick af as fuck to cut her off. This will even sometimes turn “maybe” girls into “yes” girls, because your lack of bargaining subcommunicated strength.

Also refuse any woman YOU don’t genuinely desire. If nothing about a woman really catches your eye, you’re best off leaving her alone. Women CRAVE being desired, but they want a man to do it out of strength and appreciation, not out of neediness and lust. And of course, YOU want to be wanted by a woman who genuinely appreciates you, not one who just wants to use you.

Again, remember what success with women truly is and isn’t.

You have to approach her in that frame – you’re a strong man who desires her, but you’re gonna walk away if she acts shitty (and you gotta actually do it when you gotta!).

But when you can’t walk away, and you’re stuck bargaining for her approval, your masculine strength fades, and she gets uncomfortable being around a weak man.

No tactic will win her over, unlike what some guys think. Trying to do so will just look pathetic.

She’s won or lost before a word is even spoken, gents.

So learn to read the signs.

Cheers,

– Ben

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