In part 1, we went over some fundamentals of psychological attraction – Aligning emotional worlds, self-perception, emotional wounds.
That’s all about how your psychology naturally selects ladies with aligning psychology.
Now let’s go a step beyond that, deep into YOURSELF.
Here, we’ll be going over a few key concepts in your personality integration. That’s about the opposite of personality compartmentalization.
Integration = Uniting all aspects of your personality as one, accepting your entire self for who you are, creating your persona as a REPRESENTATION of your genuine self
Compartmentalization = Repressing certain parts of your personality, consciously or not, denying your authenticity, creating your persona as a MASK over your genuine self
Maturity demands integration. Healthy relationships with yourself and other people demand integration, especially as you get older. You can get away with some compartmentalization in your youth. I mean, then, we’re all still figuring ourselves out. But golly gosh, at least be working on yourself and moving towards full integration.
A compartmentalized personality can create the ILLUSION of a healthy relationship with someone if your persona’s on point, but beneath the surface, your frame will still be one of hurt, scarcity, and antagonism.
Light and darkness
Traumatic things have happened to us all. Perhaps we’ve lost loved ones, grown up in harsh circumstances, been abused by parents or loved ones, been raped or molested (let’s not overlook that guys experience this), faced social ostracism, developed poorly, been abandoned, had a major physical/mental health issue, lost relationships and maybe even our lives to addiction, not grown up learning the skills we need to take responsibility for ourselves and face harsh realities of life. Etcetera. There’s a ton I could put here, because none of us go through life without facing SOME SORT OF major bullshit at some point.
These experiences put a certain darkness into our personality and our energy, even if we’re otherwise good people. Believe me, girls and observant guys intuit this on you, even if they’re not consciously aware of it. It’ll repel girls (and likely also potential friends) who aren’t also embodying this darkness. It’s not just aligning emotional worlds. It’s aligning ENERGY.
They could even lead to demonic possession, as woo woo and unrealistic as that may sound. And this possession can lead us to hurt ourselves and others, even if we’re otherwise good people.
You have to RECOGNIZE these parts of yourself but not BECOME them. Depending on who you are and what you’ve experienced, you’ll have more or less of this darkness within you than the average person.
Removing this darkness from your energy is very much about understanding the WHYs behind it. What emotional needs of yours is it trying to fulfil in a twisted sort of way? Attention? Affection? Achievement? Respect? Intimacy?
If you’re emotionally wounded, then demons (you can take this in a metaphorical or literal way) can feed on those emotional wounds and perpetuate them. The hurt and darkness are fuel for them, and vice versa.
So you gotta exorcise those demons.
First, you acknowledge the darkness within you. But you dissociate your sense of self from it. Give yourself a sense of purpose unrelated to it. Recognize which parts of you are YOU, and which parts are bullshit.
Then, you shine light onto it. Refuse to feed the demons. Fight darkness with light. We’ll talk more about this in the next section.
These demons may trick you into thinking they’re a true part of you. Wrong. You can waste and destroy years of your life believing that.
Traumas have their upside though. Leveraged properly, they STRENGTHEN you. Like a torn up muscle gets bigger and stronger, your psyche, when acutely torn up, also comes back stronger. Trauma is great for expanding one’s consciousness, assuming you’ve overcome it and integrated it. Otherwise, the resultant darkness will only hold you back in your psychological development. Trauma doesn’t define you as a person – you can have either stunted or accelerated psychological growth because of it.
We all have a lighter side to us too – The side that seeks to have fun at no one’s expense, to help others and enjoy their company, and to really make a positive mark on the world. Some of us may deny or compartmentalize this part of ourselves, and it’s sad if we do. We may misinterpret it as only a persona covering our darker desires when really, it’s a normal part of being human.
Even if it counterbalances something that’s just as human…
There’s another type of darkness I want to draw attention to here – The primal side of your brain. That’s the purely biological, survivalist side of things. It’s the part of your brain that craves murder, sex, merciless conquest, and all that fun stuff. And you can’t deny it exists, or else you suffer. It’s the part of your being that redpill advice gets very right, but it’s not the whole picture of who you are.
Integrating it with your higher-consciousness, lighter side of being is a MUST if you want the best dating life you can get.
That means finding light ways to satisfy your dark desires. Ex. Joining a fighting gym instead of repressing your aggressive instinct, safely roleplaying your sexual fantasies with a partner instead of watching porn, finding ways to dominate the world PRO-SOCIALLY (becoming powerful, then giving back to others) instead of just for dominance’s own sake.
We’ll get into all that in this series’ conclusion.
The inner child
I like to say that your self-development journey isn’t about CREATING a new self…
It’s about rediscovering who you truly are beneath the things that don’t truly matter.
That’s where your inner child comes into play.
That’s who you are/were BENEATH all the bullshit you’ve accumulated throughout your life.
Remember when you were a kid? How curious you were? How exciting every new thing seemed? How you dreamed of the future and what kind of awesome person you’d grow up to be?
Rediscover that version of yourself! The purity, the joy, the curiosity you used to embody.
Now, you won’t undo your past at all. What’s done is done. But you can move on from it and focus on better things. Remember, integration, not compartmentalization.
Move out of any frame of fear, scarcity, selfishness, unearned superiority, unfulfilled desire, or any other low-vibration feeling.
Then once you’re in a frame of mid-vibration feelings such as boredom, fun, courage, acceptance, reason… Make the most of it! Build yourself up in those domains, then…
Transcend them! Live your life based on what truly makes you feel joyful and alive. Because isn’t that what you used to do as a kid? And it made you so damn happy, eh?
Your inner child may be hurt though, possibly because of past neglect, unfair criticism, shame, etcetera. So you may be reluctant about unleashing this part of you. But if you want to be truly happy in the long-term, to truly stop giving a shit what other people think of you, it’s gotta come out!
Darkness and heaviness may make you interesting in the short-term, but in the long-term, the same old story of hurt and serious shit like that becomes TIRING and BORING. Your inner child, with all its curiosity, will make you ATTRACTIVE and EXCITING in the long-term. No matter how attractive you are superficially, women will hate being burdened with your emotions. Girls just want to have fun.
Though being burdened isn’t always what’ll happen. Approach women in a frame of LIGHT and CURIOSITY, and your emotions won’t burden her. They’ll INVIGORATE her. After all, the women you naturally vibe with are like a mirror to you.
So gents, rediscover the simple joys of life! Don’t get too caught up in your responsibilities and heavy stuff! And share those joys with the people around you!
What’s polarizing about you? (but not evil, of course)
Certain traits of ours aren’t malicious in the slightest, but they’re POLARIZING. Some people love em, some people hate em. Some people can hate em then grow into loving em.
Ex. Intellectualism, sense of humor, spontaneity, extroversion, introversion, conscientiousness, classiness, trashiness, that ugly sweater you really like wearing, your accent, your height (or lack thereof), a physical imperfection of yours (which is only as much of a flaw as you make it!), your laugh, your third arm, your obsession with 1980s GI Joe cartoons, ETCETERA.
Leaning into these polarizing traits of yours is one of the most powerful things you can do for your dating life, and this ties into positioning.
Because beyond our primal lust, beyond our superficiality and social status games, we crave a companion, a sexually polar complement to us who understands and adores us on a high-consciousness level, and to whom we return the favor.
And we can only find this complement by leaning into what makes us unique. By letting our true values define our behaviors, our lifestyles, the places we go, and the people we befriend.
If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, why would you settle for anything less than someone who adores you for you? Why would you settle for anything less than someone who wants to see you live a life you love?
Psychological attraction happens smoothly and automatically when your true polarities align with a girl’s. Since we crave belonging, meeting a girl who really GETS us, who looks past our superficialities and our flaws into our SPIRIT, satisfies us not only sexually, but intimately, as a companion.
“I feel like I’ve known you much longer than I really have”
Finding a girl like this means projecting your TRUE SELF unapologetically and without shame. Otherwise, you hide yourself away behind a persona and deny yourself the opportunities to meet her. DON’T DO THAT!
Or worse: You could wrongly see your polarities as SHAMEFUL. That’ll MURDER your opportunities with girls who could genuinely want to be with you! Sadly, our upbringings and/or societal conditioning can cause unhealthy shame within us. And you can’t have a solid relationship until you decondition yourself from this shame, until you remove the barriers between your true essence and the world.
Think back to any girl you’ve REALLY connected with. Why did that happen? Is it because you gamed her in the right ways, said all the right things, performed all the right behaviors…
Or is it because something unseen between you two just CLICKED? That’s chemistry!
You two could have CLICKED because of biochemistry and positioning, and those do always play a part… But the strongest CLICKS happen when you’re not performing, when you’re in tune with your energy, and you naturally drift towards a good complement for that.
What happens when you integrate every side of yourself?
Self-acceptance and surrendering control to who you truly are, those are a hell of a thing.
They’ll severely mitigate, maybe even remove your neuroses and your problems in your dating life. You may not have to deal with a shitty date or a regrettable hookup or a dry spell ever again.
But we’ll get into that in this series’ conclusion. (COMING SOON)