The following is an excerpt of The Three Fundamentals of Attraction – What REALLY makes men chick magnets:
Desire and comfort
Truth is, men and women have the SAME overarching problem in dating. We all want a partner who’s hot, sexy, in tune with their primal sexuality, who fulfils our fantasies, really turns us on, and makes us proud to be seen by their side in public. AND we want a partner who gets us on an emotional level, has great values, won’t leave us for other options, is “in our league” status and lifestyle-wise, and who we can introduce to our parents.
Men see women through the madonna/whore complex. For women, lover/provider, as we’ve already gone over.
Men tend to categorize women as either madonnas – sweet, nurturing, modest, caregiver “good girls” who make dinner for them as they return home after a long day’s work. Or whores – the seductive, alluring “bad girls” who they party with, and have mind-blowing sex with.
Women do that with men too. Providers – the reliable, hardworking, breadwinning men who make great stable husbands, live-in boyfriends, and additions to their social circle. Or lovers – the dangerous, unpredictable, dominant, exciting, adventurous “bad boys” who take them and their sexuality for a ride.
The key to success in dating for both sexes is to embody as much of BOTH archetypes as you can.
Men who are kind-natured, professionally successful, and socially successful will want to develop their “lover” side – learning to be more dominant and more of a leader around women and men, leaning into their savage side and finding activities that bring it out, ex. Martial arts, lifting weights, physically demanding sports, a high-risk career…
Men who are more disagreeable, in tune with their savagery, and who go their own way in life will want to develop their “provider” side – learning to be more in tune with other people’s feelings and emotional needs, seeking financial success, leaning into their social side and finding activities that require it, ex. Volunteering, starting a business, putting together a social circle, hosting social events, giving back to the community through charity or public service…
You may not have the most attractive face, you may not be the tallest guy in the room, you may not be financially successful just yet, but the more you can cultivate BOTH the lover and the provider within yourself, the better you’ll do with attractive women, and you’ll be more firmly in the demographic for women who already embody both the madonna and the whore.
These integrated women (they exist!) want the whole package of a man, and the closer you are to being that whole package, the more they’ll be willing to look past the things you’re lacking. An attractive, integrated woman would rather be with a man who’s sexy enough to turn her on and successful enough to make her comfortable, than with a man who’s uber-sexy but whose positioning makes her only slightly comfortable with him.
I imagine you feel the same way. Never settle, of course. Don’t compromise your standards. But if you’re like most men…
You’d rather be with a woman who’s sexy enough to turn you on and caring enough to make you feel truly wanted by her, than with an uber-sexy woman who you dread will leave you for a higher-value man.
The women who turn you on both sexually and emotionally get bombarded with male attention. You’ll always have a ton of male competition for these women. There’s no highly attractive single woman out there who ISN’T being competed over.
So to stand out among the competition, be as close as you can be to the integrated lover/provider man who integrated madonna/whore women want.
Make sure your game’s on point and apply the “secret of the hot guys” we’ve talked about to improve your “lover” archetype, and optimize your emotional health and positioning to improve your “provider” archetype.
You’ll be a shining beacon of light in the crowd to the most integrated women.
Is she a good girl?
“I just want a good girl with some good values.”
Guys say this when they’re in a transitional stage of their personal development. They’ve dated girls with poor character, gotten burnt and sick of it, now they’re leaving that pattern behind and they want a higher-vibration girl with good character.
Contrary to what these guys may think, this doesn’t always mean a girl who’s a virgin, doesn’t have any character flaws, dresses modestly 24/7, wears sundresses instead of shorts, never drinks or smokes or parties, and is always ready to cook and clean and listen to her man.
This is a “good girl” STEREOTYPE. Girls like these do exist, but they come with their own forms of psychological baggage. For most guys, this type of girl is actually a bad fit for them. She’s anxious and/or avoidant because she lacks life experience. She’s not secure in herself and she doesn’t have much of a sense of self. Good girl stereotype-seeking guys want her as a projection of their own wish to go back to their more innocent days, make better decisions, and undo the trials they’ve been through in the dating world.
Women have their lives. Not a single one of them was put on this Earth to be your Wholesome Trad Good Girl GF.
Girls who have good values and good hearts come in many different demographics. You can find them playing beach volleyball wearing bikinis, studying intently at the library or at a coffee shop, rehearsing with their musical groups, looking modest in their churchgoing clothes, doing scientific research, sculpting their bodies at the gym, serving tables at a restaurant, meeting new people at a house party, working with children or animals or her community, taking photos of herself looking pretty, and where freaking ever.
Girls who have bad values and bad hearts, same thing. You can find them playing beach volleyball wearing bikinis, studying intently at the library or at a coffee shop…
If you’re not too good at reading energy (like most men), you may fall for the images some girls with bad values put up, and miss out on girls who have good hearts because they don’t fit the “good girl” stereotype.
She can wear a cute sweater and a meaningful necklace, value her religion, say all sorts of things about love and happiness and respect, be sexually inexperienced, and be an ugly person on the inside.
She can wear short shorts and tank tops, have tattoos, be atheist, say polarizing things, be sexually experienced, and have a beautiful soul.
And vice versa.
Some girls LARP being good and wholesome and kind and feminine, but their auras and behaviors say otherwise. Some girls don’t fit a “good girl” archetype at first glance but are actually very smart, kind, interesting, and feminine.
So how do you separate the good girls from the bad?
Here are three questions that’ll determine the TRUE strength of her character.
- How does she treat people who can do nothing for her?
It’s easy to treat someone nicely when you get something out of it, or to keep a social situation stable.
But how you act around someone when you don’t get a reward for being nice to them… Oh boy, a lot of people’s true character shows itself there. People will always find reasons to bring their inner emotional worlds into external reality.
When someone doesn’t act how she wants them to, does she get pissed or insecure? Or does she accept them for who they are?
When someone disagrees with her views or lives in a way she doesn’t find ideal, does she demonize them? Or does she try to learn something from them?
Girls who lack character will always find reasons to bring down the world.
Girls who have character will always find reasons to raise the vibe.
- Who are her friends?
She didn’t make her friends accidentally. She doesn’t accidentally choose to spend time with certain people. Remember, we attract and bond with people whose emotional worlds align with ours.
If her friends are generally kind, responsible people, that’s a great sign to see.
If you see red flags in her friends but not in her, you’re probably trying to convince yourself she’s more ideal than she really is.
- Does she take responsibility for her problems?
We’ll get more into this in the next chapter, but a sense of personal responsibility is a non-negotiable trait in a healthy relationship.
EVERYONE has problems, issues, weak points, blind spots, anxieties, and insecurities. You’ll never find a man or a woman without any of these. The fact that we have them isn’t what separates or defines us.
What separates people of character from people who lack character is how they deal with life’s pains.
Do they endlessly blame the world, blow up on people who don’t deserve it, refuse to change for the better, and try solving other people’s problems for them?
Or do they take responsibility for their own problems, hold space for people whose perspectives don’t align with theirs, identify parts of themselves that need work or more love, and love other people and their imperfect life despite whatever shit happens?
Watch how a girl handles life when it gets tough or when something makes her uncomfortable. This’ll tell you everything you need to know about her soul.