The following is an excerpt of The Three Fundamentals of Attraction – What REALLY makes men chick magnets:
Movie trailers, movies, and dancing
Girls are ALWAYS creating stories in their head about you, assuming things about you because of how you look, act, smell, fit into the world, and make them feel. The goal of GAME is to make that story a favorable one. Your biochemistry and psychology set its foundation, but game makes the plot progress.
Social proof, the archetype you dress as, the environment you meet her in, the dates you take her on, and many other things work for that same reason – It gives her imagination a more favorable story about who you are and what kind of world you can bring her into. If you’re framed as a socially valuable guy, she’ll be more inclined to feel comfortable around you, be curious about you, and get to know you, as you’ll raise her status by association.
Mystery is the greatest aphrodisiac.
My favourite analogy for the true role of game is that it’s a MOVIE TRAILER.
You’re a movie, and for her to want to see more of you, the trailer has to be both EXCITING and ACCURATE to what happens in the movie. Don’t show her a trailer for a comedy if you’re actually a horror film. Don’t spoil the entire plot in the trailer, or else she’ll have no curiosity about the actual movie.
Game, properly done, is honest but not boring. You’re not trying to win the girl over. She’s won or lost before the game even starts. Rather, you’re showing her bits and pieces of your genuine self in fun ways without giving away everything about you. Instead of laying all your cards out on the table (boring!), you’re dancing with her and teasing her. You’re pushing a bit, pulling a bit. Adding a bit of value to the interaction, then pulling back and letting her add a bit of value. You’re gently leading her in the dance. You’re not forceful about it. If she doesn’t want to follow your lead, you let her go and find another dance partner.
The idea that women are naturally submissive like that is commonly misunderstood as weakness and forced servitude. And in past emotionally-repressed societies, this was sometimes the case.
Men should obviously not force or coerce women to do anything they don’t want to do. This isn’t what male dominance and female submission are about; being a submissive woman doesn’t mean being an anxious/avoidant doormat who does everything her man tells her to without question. That’s not a loving, healthy, mature dynamic.
Women actually have complete agency over their submission. It’s not like being a slave to a man. It’s more like being a dance partner, and good game puts the woman in that role. You gently lead her in the dance, she gently surrenders to your lead and trusts your direction. Real femininity is not without its backbone. You both direct yourselves, but you, the man, are the dominant force of you two.
Game, improperly done, is dishonest. It’s done with the intention of bargaining for the girl’s interest, thinking “I’ll do x so she does y”. That’s manipulative. It can be too heavy on the pushing and not give women any room to breathe or be themselves. Rather than teasing your genuine self, you’re hiding under a fake persona that will always crack in the end. A ton of pickup artists think this is what game should be about, and it can work – for a few dates. It may TEMPORARILY fool a girl into thinking you’re a cool guy, but unless you ACTUALLY ARE that cool guy, you won’t hold up the persona forever and the girl will inevitably wizen up to who you truly are. Buyer’s remorse ensues.
Her imagination – Your #1 tool in game
Plenty of guys struggle with a little something called “being boring around women”.
It’s frustrating when no matter what you say or do, no matter how much you tell her about your career or your fun hobbies or the places you’ve traveled to, girls seem to brush you off and look for a better option. You didn’t give them that feeling of “he’s an exciting guy and I WANT HIM”.
Didn’t all the dating advice tell you to be…
…with the ladies?
How can you pull that off when no matter what you say, you’re just plain BORING? You have a world to bring her into, so why can’t she see it?
The answer to this problem is, to create a world inside her head first.
Let’s say you’re talking to a girl on a dating app. She’s responsive. Time to go for the meet-up.
So you say, “let’s meet up, see if there’s chemistry”
“What are you trying to do? Go for a walk or something?” She says.
“Just hang out and get to know each other at the local coffee shop.”
BORING. It’s not her job to set the date up. She wants you to come ready with an adventure to take her on, a story to add to her catalogue of life experiences.
“I met a guy from a dating app and got to know him a bit over coffee” is not one such story. It’s barely a story. She won’t remember you in a month.
She’s responsive. Time to go for the meet-up.
“Let’s grab coffee to get our hearts beating, then take a walk by the canal. Don’t piss me off or else I’ll push you into it”
Some guys get the “honest” part of getting to know a girl, yet they miss the “but not boring” part.
“What do you do for work?”
“What do you study?”
“Do you like it?”
“What do you do for fun?”
“I’m just about to shower and do laundry.”
“ I just went out and got groceries after work wbu.”
“Tell me about your trip to France.”
A cool girl wants to meet the guy who’ll give her a story to tell. Her entering your world begins before even the first date. It begins in her imagination. If there’s no tension, no uncertainty as the curtain rises on the set of your first adventure together, no anticipation of memorable moments… Why would she choose you? Why would she watch the movie you are if your trailer sucks?
“You have the vibe of an Engineering student.”
“I bet a lot of crazy stuff happens when you’re at your barista job.”
“What made you think ‘I really want to study Psychology?’”
“You seem like the type of girl who’d steal someone’s cat just to see if she can get away with it.”
“I’ve always wanted to try minigolf, and you seem like the type of girl who’d almost win against me. Almost ;)”
“A drunk girl at a party once told me I look like Daniel Radcliffe, and I really hope that was a compliment.”
“I once got 60 mosquito bites all over my body during a hike, so let’s not do that for our date.”
Your game isn’t a bargaining tactic to win her over by somehow saying the right words. It’s storytelling. It’s to get her imagination going, to show her you’re a guy with some real life to him.
A guy who just spits fact after fact at her will bore her. Her feelings don’t care about facts. They want to be taken for a ride. She wants to be the female lead in the story of your date, not just exist in your vicinity as you attempt to convince her to fuck you by taking her places and waiting for her to put out.
Any man who thinks women just want to manipulate men, steal their time, energy, and resources, and laugh dominantly at the poor guy they’ve mangled… Is a psychologically broken man who only dates psychologically broken women.
Emotionally healthy girls want to succeed in dating as badly as you do. They want to love and be loved as badly as you do. They want amazing sex, fun dates, and real connection with a sexually polar complement who really GETS them as badly as you do.
That girl you really want… She’s hoping a guy who’s strong and fun and full of vision will desire her and brighten up her mundane day!
Then when he turns out to be dull and overly predictable, addicted to porn, a low-empathy jerk, socially disconnected, or blind to certain emotional realities, she’s disappointed. She’s so so disappointed.
Where’s the man who’ll make me feel more like a woman? She thinks. Where’s the man with some real LIFE FORCE to him?
That man could be you. Is he?
She’s sick of all the boys who only pretend to be men.