The following is an excerpt of The Three Fundamentals of Attraction – What REALLY makes men chick magnets:
Some guys have low self-esteem, regardless of their external assets and successes.
These guys don’t fear missing out on what they truly desire. They fear GETTING IT, and particularly with women, they fear DISAPPOINTING IT. These men fear attracting a girl who they truly desire, having her be into him at first, then seeing his flaws (real or perceived), being disgusted at them, and leaving him.
Or they don’t think they can get a great girl to even consider them in the first place.
Instead of living by their true desires…
These guys settle.
Rather than picking a girl who excites them, who makes them feel proud to have her… They deliberately shoot below that and pick a girl who they aren’t proud to have, but having a girl who doesn’t please them is better than not having a girl, right?
Having a girl who’s too low-value to leave you is better than having a girl who’s high-value and may be so disappointed to have you that she leaves, right?
Settling is an incredibly demoralizing experience to both partners. The one who settled resents their partner for not meeting all their needs. Sure, they’re in control of the relationship, but at the cost of not being deeply satisfied with their partner and still fantasizing about better options.
The partner who’s settled for isn’t stupid. They know the relationship isn’t built on appreciation, but on using. On filling a void with something “meh”, not something amazing. But they stay in it because it’s better than being bored or alone.
Some guys who settle have a genius idea to make it work for them – they “buy low, sell high”. They date a fixer-upper in hopes of teaching her his ways and inspiring her to rise to his level, so she can be eternally grateful for him showing her a better way to live.
The problem with that plan is, girls aren’t stocks or old cars. They’re humans with normal human emotions. And they’re not stupid. A girl who you settle for knows why you’re really with her – because she’s a reflection of your own disappointment in yourself. And you feel that by changing her, you can get some fragile semblance of self-esteem out of it.
Hypergamy isn’t as simple as “he’s any degree of higher value than me, so I’m going to be with him and love it”. Women most readily go for and are happiest with men who are SLIGHTLY higher-value than them. A man who’s TOO high-value will make a woman feel insecure and keep her wondering why he’s really with her, not in a sexy way.
When he demands she change for the better, she doesn’t feel inspired to fall in line with his ideals. She just gets more insecure, feels less like herself, feels less innately good enough for a man. This counterintuitively makes her close up and discourages her from evolution.
Sometimes, showing a woman love means letting her go. It means letting her be who she wants to be, however non-ideal it may be for you.
Never settle for a woman, gents. Out of love for yourself. Out of love for her.
Women can learn and grow and become better humans, but they have to want to do it and make their decisions for themselves. You can’t force them into it. And many would prefer a slightly higher-value man who loves them for who they are over a much higher-value man with rigid standards for them.
When you’re selecting women, assume who a woman is RIGHT NOW is who she’ll be FOREVER. Treating a girl as a fixer-upper is objectification, idealization, and devaluation, not an attempt at a genuine, appreciative connection with her. If she’s not ALREADY working to better herself, assume she never will and instead, go for a girl who’s ALREADY doing the work and on a path of growth.
Only date, only approach, only fuck, only imagine yourself being with women who IMPRESS you in some way, whose scent turns you on, who aren’t perfect, but who still have a ton of great qualities. Don’t objectify women for the qualities that impress you, but remember that you can only ever be truly happy with a woman who meets your standards, who you’re proud to be with.
Don’t date girls who suck!
Don’t even give your attention to girls who suck!
Don’t date girls who don’t take care of themselves! Don’t date girls who’d assume the worst about you! Don’t date girls with low energy and no conversational skills! Don’t date girls who just drain the life out of the room wherever they go with their pessimism and their limiting beliefs! Negative energy isn’t a good look on a girl!
Aim high! Set your sights on the girls with some real life force to em, the positive, go-getting girls who really IMPRESS you! Because they’re the girls who’ll really make you happy, even if you shoot for them and don’t get them at first.
If you don’t already feel good enough for those women, you got some work to do on yourself.