Last time, we talked about the two types of attractive men – the Lover and the Provider.
Now let’s get into their female equivalents. This’ll be a valuable post for the ladies, not just the gents. And it’ll help the gents understand what they’re REALLY drawn to in women.
Because like men, women don’t always GET IT in the dating world. They’re not socially and sexually omnipotent goddesses. They’re imperfect people just like us who’ve grown up with all sorts of programming about what being a woman means, for better or worse.
Women don’t always understand what men really want, what men really find attractive in women, but here it is:
We’re drawn to two umbrella archetypes in women – the MADONNA and the WHORE.
(it’s a whole damn psychological concept)
Depending on how integrated we are in our Lover/Provider archetypes, we’ll attract and be attracted to women who are on varying degrees of the Madonna/Whore spectrum.
So…
The Madonna
The Madonna is the moral “good girl”. She’s the sweet and innocent girl, the girl we bring home to our parents, the devoted wife or long-term girlfriend, the generous girl who bakes cookies for her loved ones, the interesting and articulate girl we chat about love and life with.
She’s the girl who makes us gents feel appreciated and cared for. She embodies the nurturing, lively, and pair-bonding aspects of her feminine essence.
Physically, the Madonna is often very feminine and pretty, gorgeous even. But this isn’t a seductive beauty that makes us want to do all sorts of dirty things to her. It’s the same type of beauty we appreciate in our mothers and grandmothers – her warm, nurturing femininity.
The Madonna is driven by feelings of care, connection, bonding, and loving servitude. She finds purpose in supporting the people around her and giving to them.
The Madonna prefers to hold out for one special man to come her way, rather than actively seducing her options. She’d rather have the attention of one committed man than the attention of many.
If you’re a gent seeking a long-term relationship with a girl you can bond deeply with, the Madonna is the girl you want. She’ll be your cute little partner, have wholesome fun with you, and support you in whatever you do.
However, a pure Madonna is lacking in SEX APPEAL. She’s stable but boring. If you want a girl who really satisfies you in the bedroom, and makes you feel like a brave, daring, savage conqueror, a pure Madonna won’t satisfy you at all.
The Whore
The Whore’s attractive femininity comes from her seductive side, not her ladylike side.
She’s the girl who makes us gents feel turned on, lustful, hungry, and ready to conquer. She embodies the destructive, chaotic, competitive aspects of her feminine essence.
The Whore is the sexy “bad girl” we have fun and sexually charged flings with, the girl we want on her knees for us, the girl who oozes sex, the girl who gets many men’s heads turning wherever she goes, the girl who unapologetically breaks hearts and mercilessly tests the manhood of every man who desires to be with her.
She knows what turns men on and weaponizes it – her feminine assets and curves, her youth, her fertility, her chaos, and her luster. Unlike the Madonna, whose beauty is wholesome and kind and agreeable, the Whore’s beauty challenges the world – “are you man enough to make me your whore?”
While the Madonna shows off her body and dresses how she does for utilitarian reasons – ex. Style, comfort, it’s hot out or she’s exercising, so of course she’s in a tank top and shorts instead of a sweater and baggy pants – the Whore frames her body to “sell it”, which is one way to put it – wearing outfits that subcommunicate “I know what my assets are”.
The Whore constantly has men vying for her attention, and she likes it that way. She actively seduces the men she REALLY wants.
A pure Whore is great in the early stages of dating, but isn’t the girl a man with options will be locking down. She makes a bad long-term partner for most men, as she lacks the nurturing and pair-bonding qualities of the Madonna.
Balancing the two archetypes
If your Lover and Provider archetypes are developed and integrated, it may be tough for you to decide what type of girl you want more – a Madonna or a Whore. You want a sweet and caring girl who’ll stick by your side, AND a sexy girl who brings all your fantasies to life.
The obvious solution here: Find a girl who’s conscious of BOTH her Madonna and Whore sides. Date the girls who are sweet AND sexy, not just one or the other. They exist!
The ideal man for an integrated woman is the savage gentleman – the guy who’s potent and dominant AND kind and giving.
The ideal woman for an integrated man is the seductive good girl – the girl who’s alluring and destructive AND caring and nurturing.
One last thing!
Some women aren’t conscious of the full spectrum of their feminine essence, so their archetypes show up in weak, unhealthy ways.
The unhealthy Madonna is an anxious doormat. She doesn’t have a backbone. Like the weak “nice guy”, she’s more people-pleasing than truly kind. She’s a wallflower who’s scared to speak up. She dates men because she’s scared to be alone or doesn’t have a sense of self without them. Or she self-sabotages with the men she’s attracted to because of her anxieties and insecurities, and stays chronically single. These unhealthy Madonnas often desex themselves into an androgynous role and may see femininity as purely cosmetic and performative. They know they’re women on an intellectual level and they’re fine with that, but they dissociate from their nature-given feminine gifts.
(immature men mistake these women for healthy Madonnas just because they don’t embody the Whore so much, which is NOT the case)
The unhealthy Whore is the girl who thinks sex is all she’s good for. She’s the girl who treats herself and her sexuality like a commodity. She boosts her ego through male attention and can’t bring herself to connect on an emotional level with a man for more reasons than his body and his status. These women hook up, but they don’t commit. They’re usually broken and gravitate towards men who treat them poorly, and their beauty decays quickly.
Now, just because a girl’s in tune with her Whore side doesn’t mean she’s literally a whore, just like being a Madonna doesn’t automatically make her a famous singer. It just means she understands what makes men tick on a primal, seductive level. Whore qualities are important in long-term girlfriends and wives too, just like Lover qualities in men.
Plenty of high-quality girls out there fit the Whore archetype, so don’t assume a girl’s entirely superficial, uncaring, and status-obsessed just because she’s seductive. She’s got her Madonna side too! Guys go wrong when we assume Madonnas are entirely good and Whores are entirely bad, or that a girl can only be one or the other. The girls who’ll make us happiest are dynamic and multi-dimensional just like the savage gents I aspire to make out of my clients.
So if that’s who you want to be, your next step is right here.
Be kind with a backbone,
– Ben
