I’m sad to admit I’ve been plagued by a deadly disease for much of my dating life.
“When I get this ONE girl, then…”
Then what? I’ll be happy? Fulfilled? Have a girl to show off to my friends? Have a purpose in life beyond myself?
Fuck’s sake, past me, have some respect for yourself. Are you a man?
Now let’s have some empathy for past me and all the other gents who deal with oneitis. Wanting to pair-bond with a woman is a 100% normal part of being a man. You’re not “beta” or “bluepill” for wanting a close relationship with a lady.
What DOES make a guy “beta” or “bluepill” is wanting one at the expense of his sense of self. Letting the woman be his sense of self. Revolving his life around obtaining (and keeping) the woman.
Let Dr. Foth diagnose you
Have you been experiencing any of the following symptoms for at least two (2) consecutive weeks?:
- Obsessive fantasies about your FUTURE relationship with a girl who isn’t ALREADY yours
- Looking forward to your blissful, loving, perfect future with a girl before, during, or right after your first couple dates together
- Ignoring all your other potential female options for a girl who only MIGHT BE an awesome future girlfriend
- You internally answer the question “where do you see yourself in a year?” with “with her <3”
- Assuming you’ll never, absolutely never meet another girl who’s for you as much as she is, whether you’re in a committed relationship or just crushing
- Tolerating disrespect or flakiness or disinterest from a girl because she might SOMEDAY change her mind about you and choose to be with you
If you have any of these symptoms, brother, I’m sorry to say, but I must diagnose you with ONEITIS. It’s deadly but curable. There is hope for all who are afflicted. I give you the rest of your life to live.
Oneitis is rooted in a SCARCITY MINDSET. It’s a lack of awareness about all the potential trajectories of your dating life. It’s the unconscious belief that you’re so low-value as a man that there’s only ONE half-decent girl at the moment who’d want you as a boyfriend.
If this is your mindset…
I remember my first few dating experiences. I’d obsess over the girl, fantasize constantly about how cute we’d be together, be terrified of her rejecting me or finding another guy… then we’d actually go on a date and all my fears would come true when she’d ghost me or “let’s just be friends” me.
And the one girl I dated who was genuinely interested in me as a person and wanted to see me more than once… Was turned off by that neediness and my redpill mindset, even if I didn’t overtly show them… too much
I didn’t believe in my own value as a man. I didn’t truly have a life purpose above sex and making up for the traumas and disappointments of my teen years. I unconsciously viewed girls as the solutions to all my malaises, not as unique individuals to get to know holistically. That’s why I couldn’t beat my oneitising, no matter what game I pulled. The only way out of that was inner work (my absolute SPECIALTY with my clients) and uncovering, embracing who I am when I’m NOT chasing validation, sexual or otherwise.
The truth about soulmates
I believe there are many ladies out there who you could potentially have a good relationship or fling or sexual thing with. Some will be better fits for you than others, but there is no perfect girl out there for you. There is no ONE girl who was divinely created to be yours.
Do you believe that your life purpose is to find yourself through a woman?
If so, this is a recipe for oneitis. It’s a lack of awareness about the true potential of your masculinity. The problem isn’t that you haven’t found the right girl yet. The problem is that you aren’t fully aware of yourself as a MAN yet.
Gents, it’s 100% normal to want to love a woman and bond with her and learn new things about yourself through being with her, but she can never be your #1 life purpose.
Hardcore redpill and avoidant-attachment guys take this to an extreme with “plate spinning” ideologies and avoiding any sort of emotional intimacy with women. For men who are used to being emotionally needy and overinvested with women, this can be a necessary step in the journey, but it’s only an endgame for broken men. At some point, the avoidant man who’s working on himself by himself needs to integrate his need for real connection with a woman again.
Then he can find a lady who’s important to him, but never as important as his life purpose as a man.
Some girls will stand out to you more than others, for varying reasons. Some are meant to teach you. Some are meant to fuck you and dump you. Some are meant to entertain you. Some are meant to love you. Most just aren’t for you.
Soulmates are created, not born. Your connection with a girl begins with biological and psychological/spiritual attraction, then endures with the love created when you live life together.
Attraction isn’t a choice, but love is.
If you’re ready to be the man who gives real love to women, starting with embracing everything worth loving about himself and his life…
Love each other,