Self-sabotage !

This is the most hurtful issue I’ve dealt with in my dating life.

Getting rejected, friendzoned, strung along…

I did everything I could in all those cases. Those girls weren’t truly right for me, and I have no regrets with them.

But today, the occasional cute girl comes my way, and I don’t approach, no matter how much I preach taking action.

Compared to how I’ve been before, approaching absolutely EVERY girl I was strongly attracted to…

(I even wrote a whole damn post about this!)

What gives?

I’m rationalizing, is what.

“I’ll just wait for the perfect moment to approach” (which never comes)

“She’s too far away”

“I’m too busy to do this”

I even pussied out of approaching one very pretty girl with a bright smile who was giving me major IOIs because of her shoes. BECAUSE OF HER FUCKING SHOES. Hell of a reason not to do it.

But WHY am I rationalizing? Like a competent doctor, I must address the root cause of my malaise, not just the symptoms.

I’ll be vulnerable here – I’m VERY hard on myself, and this extends to how I relate to girls.

And it’s gotten worse this year as I’ve been doing major inner work.

So why is this psychological GROWTH holding me back?

Well… As I’m getting more and more self-aware of what about me isn’t getting enough love…

I’m afraid of seeing her flaws. I’m afraid of her seeing mine. Because this will somehow recreate old patterns of unhealthy relationships, right? (it acrually won’t!)

Part of me believes the work I’m doing on myself will somehow erase my flaws. But we both know that’ll never happen. I can only improve myself. I can’t become someone else.

I’m afraid my imperfections will drive her away, or hers will drive me away. But that’s a hell of a way NOT to have a good relationship with a girl. How can I expect a girl to open her heart to me, if I keep my own closed off?

The lesson I’m currently learning is…

There is no perfect girl out there for you, brother.

There will be some GREAT ones. But no perfect ones. Absolutely no perfect ones. Even the great ones will fall short in some domains.

So let go of the burden of perfection. Only a perfect girl deserves a perfect guy, and neither of those exist.

Let yourself make mistakes. Let yourself be imperfect.

Every strong, genuine connection I’ve had with a girl in the past has been built on vulnerability, on us showing each other our true selves… And embracing each other’s shortcomings, not running away in disgust from them.

Why do I assume my future will be any different?

I’m writing this email partially for educational purposes, partially for accountability purposes. I need to hear these words just as much as you do. There is no solving personal problems if you can’t be honest about them.

So dear readers, hold me accountable for my own personal growth. As I hold you accountable for yours. One-on-one coaching requires radical honesty and transparency about, then responsibility for what’s holding you back from making your dating life what it could be. What kind of coach would I be if I didn’t practice what I preach there? 😉

This email is a taste of what you can get in coaching.

Not only will I teach you what to say and do when approaching, dating, fucking, dealing with relationship issues…

I’ll get down to the ROOT CAUSES of why you’re failing with women. Where is your sexual energy blocked or out of control? What psychological baggage do you have that’s holding you back? What about YOURSELF are you ignoring that’ll attract beautiful ladies who strongly desire you? What about you is compartmentalized, unintegrated?

Judging by all the clients I’ve worked with so far, I’m a pretty damn competent dating coach. Those handsome gents got their dating lives absolutely transformed after a month (or just one call) with me.

Will you be my next success story?

This self-sabotage of mine is only the latest in a long series of dating woes I’ve experienced. And now that I’m self-aware about it, I’m ready to add it to the list of the ones I’ve overcome.

What about you?

Yada yada quick informal sales pitch…



– Ben

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