We gents have all had our disappointing, frustrating, confusing experiences with the ladies.
Perhaps that lady hurt you, played with you in unpleasant ways, acted way too anxious or avoidant with you, abused you, banged your best friend, stole that pineapple you were really looking forward to eating…
Why’d you date her then?
Why’d you let her in your life?
You don’t accidentally date the women you date. You don’t accidentally vibe with the women you vibe with.
They’re mirrors to WHO YOU ARE as a man, for better or worse.
Confident people don’t date insecure people.
Honest people don’t date manipulative people.
Introspective people don’t date shallow people.
Responsible people don’t date irresponsible people.
Why would they? We naturally, easily connect with people whose psychological/emotional/spiritual worlds align with ours. These are the only people we can tolerate.
Even if somehow, a confident, honest, aware person ends up on a date with an insecure, manipulative, dissociated person, their connection doesn’t even last one date, or a few dates if the latter is great at concealing their true values.
Call it what you want. “Like attracts like”. The assortment effect. Alignment. Magnetism. Common psychological/personal/historical ground.
Every woman you date has something in common with you, and it’s not the fact that you both enjoy the same music or the same hobbies.
Learn to see yourself in the women you date
Not just in the sexy way.
Every woman you connect with on any level is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Develop this awareness, have some compassion for yourself, and the quality of woman you attract will shift drastically.
Women who hurt you or reject you are a blessing. Without them, you may never wizen up to your emotional world’s flaws – poor boundaries, a weak sense of your own values, insecure attachment, overinvestment in other people’s opinions, a lack of healthy vulnerability, an inability to let go…
More importantly, you may never wizen up to all the ways you can GET BETTER.
All the ways you see these women can improve… They often don’t want to. But have you tried taking your own advice and improving YOURSELF?
Admit it – The things you complain about in the women you date are almost certainly true about you too.
You date a woman who treats herself like shit and always plays the victim? It’s because you treat yourself like shit and victimize yourself, consciously or not.
You date a woman who’s emotionally closed off? It’s because you’re emotionally closed off.
A woman tries to get a relationship with you through casual sex? It’s because YOU expect casual sex to lead to a relationship with the right woman.
You date women who are scared of their own sexuality? Guess what.
You date women who manipulate you and can’t be honest? It’s because you’re manipulating them too. You’re hiding your truths from them too.
If you’re a high-quality man who dates low-quality women, it’s for two reasons:
1. You’re leading with your worst traits.
2. You’re sexually needy
Again, assortment effect. What kind of woman would date a man who’s chronically down on himself? What kind of woman would date a man who’s sexually needy? And what kind of woman wouldn’t?
I learned this the hard way in the early days of my dating life. I was jacked, ambitious, and high-status in my newfound social circle. But I had a LOT of baggage and trauma, sexual and otherwise, that was holding me back from being my fullest self. So leading with that, I’d attract girls who’d also lead with their baggage and trauma. Baggage and trauma they didn’t want to fix.
I wasn’t proud of the quality of the girls I’d naturally attract until I learned to see the true value in myself, and to forgive myself for every time I’ve fallen short or gotten things wrong.
The more I overcame my dissociations and my unhealthy programming… The more I got in touch with my true self and what makes me happiest… The less and less I’d vibe with anxious, manipulative, selfish girls… And the more and more I’d naturally attract healthy, honest, giving girls.
I don’t worry about getting burnt by low-quality women anymore. Because on the off-chance I misjudge one and go out with her, I have such strong boundaries and values that SHE’S repelled from me. I quickly make her show her true self.
Now, you can spend years and years of your precious life trial-and-erroring it through failed relationships, flings that drain the life out of you, and mediocre hookups, until you finally learn your lessons about attracting high-quality women and repelling low-quality ones.
See me. 🙂
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