You should know what she wants… when she doesn’t tell you what it is?

Some lady on the bird app sent this out a few days ago:

“Girls only want one thing and we’re mad at you for not knowing what it is instinctually.”

When a girl you’re with gets into a mood, when she needs SOMETHING from you but won’t say what it is, I understand if it’s confusing. I understand if it gets you thinking “why can’t she just be direct about what she wants?” But we’re not here to be stuck in ineffective mindsets.

Get your shit together.

She doesn’t say what she’s feeling. And she doesn’t feel what she’s saying.

This is her being a woman.

And it’s up to you as a man to handle her like one.

A lot of guys, when their girl acts like this, get thrown off balance.

“If I just figure out what’ll make her happy, I’ll fix that mood of hers! Babe, what’s wrong? What do you want? What’ll make you feel better?”

This is how an unaware man does it. He treats the woman’s mood like it’s a problem to be solved, like she’s a broken machine and it’s his job to deconstruct her and fix the malfunction.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re not listening to me!”

Or she just closes herself up.

Then the man assumes he botched his repairs.

She doesn’t want you to get in your head and try fixing her.

She only wants to FEEL YOU.

David Deida said it best – 90% of a woman’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved.

We men tend to have emotional problems when we feel impotence or a lack of integrity or metaphorically speaking, nothing worth sinking our teeth into. Women aren’t like this.

Women want to feel safe, provided for, protected, and embraced by those they care for.

When those base needs of ours aren’t met, we act destructive and chaotic in an attempt to meet them however we can. That’s why a man who feels like his life’s going nowhere will drown himself in booze, or why a woman who doesn’t feel love from her father will have sex with men who don’t care for her.

Women need to feel loved and validated before they can feel powerful and capable. Men need to feel powerful and capable before they can feel loved and validated.

Relationship difficulties ensue when men assume making a woman feel capable is more important than making her feel seen, or when women assume the opposite for men.

The essence of leadership

Now, this doesn’t mean sucking up to a woman’s moods and letting her drag you like a ragdoll through them.

It means having integrity. It means standing strong and present when she’s showing you the chaotic side of her feminine essence.

Because if you do what a weak man does instead, which is taking on her emotions as his own… You’ll completely depolarize the dynamic and kill all the sexual tension. You won’t be a man to her.

She wants you to lead her. She wants you to lead yourself. She doesn’t want to lead you, or even herself.

A woman grounded in her femininity will “shit test” you, from before the first date – to the Nth year of marriage. This is a good thing. It means she cares about you.

If you’re scared of her doing this, get your shit together. Women don’t test you out of disrespect, because they want to dominate you.

When a woman shit tests you, it’s because she wants to feel your masculinity. She wants you to know what’s right for you both better than she does, and live according to that.

She wants you to show up as a man. She wants to feel your leadership and self-direction. She wants to feel safe, validated, and cared for around you.

But she won’t breathe a word of it to you. She won’t tell you exactly how you can be better. She wants you to JUST GET IT. If she told you directly, exactly how you can be more of a man, she wouldn’t feel like the woman in the relationship.

If you still don’t entirely get it and wish the women in your life would be more direct, literal, and you know, masculine with you, while also being feminine and radiant and enlivening…

1. You can’t have it both ways.

2. The only way to learn how to GET IT is learning from men who GET IT.

That’s why I’m here to help you in coaching. We’ll undo all the knots in you that are stopping you from getting the best possible women for you. When you’re ready for that…

See me!


– Ben

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