How to be dominant with a girl, not domineering

I’m sure you already know this fundamental principle of sexual dynamics:

Men are dominant. Men lead.

Women are submissive. Women follow.

This will bruise the ego of plenty a modern, sexually dissociated sheep, but women simply don’t respect or have attraction to men who have the dominance or the decisiveness of a jellyfish.

The last thing a feminine woman wants to hear from a man making plans with her is “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Thus, guys who get into masculine self-development make a big point about dominance and masculine leadership, and for good reason. Life as a man is infinitely better when you have power over your environment, than when you’re a slave to it.

But some guys take their want for dominance in an unhealthy direction. They become domineering.

When someone says “no” to them, they freak out and try to re-establish control and dominance over the dynamic. Which paints their fake dominance as exactly what it is – fake dominance.

Other guys assume any sort of masculine dominance will make women uncomfortable, aaaand you know the story.

Let’s be good men instead.

The truth about female submission

You must lead yourself as a man to be capable of leading a woman.

Approaching dominance in a frame of “how do I get her to do what I want her to do?” ain’t it. This’ll lead to bargaining and transactional mindsets, and the aforementioned domineering behavior for some guys, where they think attracting a girl is about forcibly bending her to his will.

Self-direction is true, unquestioned dominance.

Women don’t want you to control them. They want you to control yourself, then to trust you for it.

Only when a woman trusts you, will she submit to you.

Only when you trust yourself, can a woman trust you.

A lot of guys get into their ego when it comes to their dominance over a woman. “It’d be so cool to have a sweet, submissive girl who cooks and cleans for me and does everything I say”

Okay, what about the responsibility from YOU that entails?

Most importantly, your self-direction. Because how are you to lead a woman into something good if you have nothing to lead her into?

Your trust in her is the other side of that coin.

Because if you’re dating women you don’t trust, or who you feel far superior to, they won’t submit to you. Or they will… Reluctantly and briefly. Often just to get a quick attention fix, maybe even the notch, and go.

A psychologically broken woman may want you to show your dominance in controlling ways, ex. looking through her phone, forcing her not to see certain people… Dating these women is all about force and power dynamics. Not a fun time.

But a psychologically healthy woman wants you to dominate her THROUGH TRUST, through play, through care and desire.

As we went over in the last email, the highest-quality relationships involve the man leading his woman by encouraging her to be her best, most complete, imperfect and lovable and genuine self. This isn’t some “you have to do everything I say because I’m the man” shit. This is a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. Want one?

Start by being ruthlessly honest about WHY you want the women you want.

Because even if you’re an attractive guy who GETS IT, a woman won’t submit to you if she unconsciously feels you desire her for the wrong reasons – ego, validation, getting off, etc.

If you’re dominant and masculine with a girl, AND you genuinely, viscerally find her gorgeous, fuckable, and worth getting to know on a personal level… She’ll melt all over you 😉

That’s exactly what you want from a lady?

See me in coaching!

We’ll undo all the knots in your psychology that are keeping you from showing up as your fullest, most masculine self.


– Ben

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