Why I used to crossdress

I was open about it.

It wasn’t some big, juicy secret.

All my friends knew. I’d post the occasional Instagram pic of myself en femme. I even showed up to a couple parties in a wig and head-to-toe women’s clothing.

Not what you were likely expecting to hear from me today, I know.

So this masculine young guy who’d live for lifting weights, martial arts, hustle culture, The Grind™, and meeting pretty girls…

What would he gain from putting on girly wigs and women’s clothing once in a while?

Jungian answer: My anima was unintegrated, and this was my way of bringing it out.

Your anima is your inner conduit for feminine energy. Your feminine side, succinctly put. Rather than killing your manhood, integrating this part of you will actually IMPROVE your relationships with women.

My past self unconsciously knew this. He may have happily embraced the male burden of performance, but it made him WEARY. At a certain point, I was thinking “what’s this all for in the end?” and seriously re-evaluating whether I truly wanted to pursue my then-plethora of life goals that’d make me feel like Sisyphus doing his thing.

I knew getting paid, laid, and self-made (and also jacked af) wasn’t the endgame of my existence. Thus, I started to explore my anima. And she was quite a fun time.

How masculinity and femininity revitalize each other

Masculinity and femininity are complementary energies, each with their own role to play for the other.

The masculine shapes and directs the feminine. It’s shaped into what pleases the masculine.

The feminine transforms and revitalizes the masculine. It may be powerful and potent, but it’s only given a reason to conquer by the feminine. If masculinity is like a car, then femininity is like the fuel that gets it running.

(I wrote a whole damn thread about this!)

That’s what happens on every level of a male/female interaction, societally and personally. Women become reflections of the most dominant men in their lives. Men give their energy to the women who surrender to them, and if a woman’s healthy, she transforms it and gives it back to them.

Getting to know your anima (or animus, for women) accomplishes this exact same thing, except internally.

When you’re deeply grounded in your masculine and crave a refreshing release in the feminine… You don’t need to find a woman (or any other source of feminine energy) EXTERNALLY to revitalize yourself.

The transformative force you seek is already within you.

But you may be rejecting it.

I used to crossdress because my sex and my anima were at war. I had an antagonistic relationship to femininity, not a complementary one.

Despite being aware of both those aspects of myself, I’d compartmentalize them. I’d explore my anima separately from my manhood, rather than integrating her into it. I had a one-dimensional understanding of my own masculinity, and didn’t know I could alchemize it into a greater incarnation of itself.

I wanted to become her as an escape, an ascension from the burdens of that one-dimensional manhood. I’ve always liked being a guy, so it wasn’t masculinity that was oppressing my full self.

I was oppressed and traumatized by a model of manhood that demanded I define my worth solely by my physique, sexual conquests, and social status.

Not by who I am as a unique individual.

My anima wanted to heal and revitalize my sex and transform it into a greater incarnation of itself, but I misunderstood that as an attack on my sex for many years, and fell back into this classical but unintegrated masculinity. Which absolutely attracts girls, but here’s the thing:

Girls can’t relate to raw masculine energy. The more feminine they are, the more they’re attracted to it, but they want you to be able to receive and process their feminine energy as well. Sexual attraction DOESN’T equal a personal connection.

Just like you may be attracted to a hot girl, but you won’t feel understood by her or connected to her unless she has the capacity to receive and process your masculine gifts.

Now these days, I’m rediscovering my anima and learning to love her, listen to her, channel her alongside my sex, not instead of it.

I used to wonder why despite being super into masculine self-development, my connections with girls would always implode. I could create attraction but not a deeper connection.

Well, it was because I was rejecting my anima, and thus, rejecting the gifts of femininity. You can’t receive that which you don’t already have in you.

Now that I’ve explored my anima, you better believe she’s made me way more free-flowing in my masculinity and at ease with the ladies, not simply a rigid, direct, masculine being.

I can help you do the same thing.

We’ll work on your foundational masculine energy first, and undo any knots in you that are stopping you from embodying the fullest form of your sex.

Then, among other things, we’ll get into anima work (no crossdressing required on your part, just saying!) and teach you to handle feminine energy alongside your masculine.

See me in coaching!

When you’re ready to step into your most aware, most present, most masculine self, that is.

Love each other,

– Ben


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