Alcohol and individual psychology – what’s the relationship?

You can tell everything you need to know about someone by how they act after a bunch of drinks.

Whether they get pissy, needy, jumpy, tired, friendly, horny, or just stay benign, you’re witnessing their shadow escape its repression. In vino veritas.

My past self was no exception, especially during the season of my life where I was addicted to alcohol – I’d be everything but “tired” in that list there. So it made sense to quit drinking entirely, which I did a couple times in university. First for 2.5 months, then for almost 6 the next year.

I wanted to avoid losing out on days of productivity and comfort in my not-hungover body, and to avoid making bad impressions on people with how needy and fiery I’d get.

Now I’m quitting drinking again, but for a new reason:

Drunk me is basically the same person as sober me.

(also, I go hard when I drink, and while I like the dopamine rush and mixing drinks and stuff, I really don’t like puking it all up the next day)

I went to a couple parties this weekend. Drank heavily at the first, then spent half the next day puking out my entire digestive system, then decided to take it easy and not drink at all during the next night’s party.

The booze didn’t make a difference, except for how I tried impressing some people at the first party with how much I could drink while staying present and on my feet (psychological tolerance from former alcohol addiction will do that to ya; I even remember how I made it home that night!)

I was a confident, calibrated social butterfly at both parties (unlike me 5 years ago, who’d have major anxiety at these things, and either leave to drink by myself or get kicked out for being overcompensatingly fiery to cover my anxiety). I’d pull the same kinds of game at both parties. I’d vibe with some people and not so much with others at both parties.

The booze didn’t make a difference to me because I’ve cleared out probably 95% of my trauma/baggage/bullshit/neuroses/dissociations at this point.

I’ve gotten to know my unconscious very intimately. The process has been uncomfortable at times, but well worth it.

There’s still some BS left in there. I’m still needy in a few ways. I still have some lessons left to learn, and always will. I’m psychologically imperfect like every other human on this plane of existence.

But what separates psychologically mature people from psychologically immature people isn’t how much BS they’ve taken – It’s how much RESPONSIBILITY they choose to have because of it.

Now how’s this tie into booze?

Make “in vino veritas” work for you!

Alcohol can be a therapeutic tool, but you have to go into it with awareness and the commitment to change.

I cleared out all my baggage of my teen years while drinking tequila and reading old texts from my high school days. Things that used to haunt me, I suddenly learnt to wholeheartedly love them.

My therapeutic drinking seshes, like my past cringy partying experiences, made nonsensical and weird shit from my unconscious become conscious. Difference is, I let it flow out in a controlled, private setting instead of acting weird around other people and trying (and failing) to have some composure.

I’d shitpost in my private diary instead of on public social media or in my drunk texts too.

Instead of avoiding my vices, I used them as tools of alchemy.

I learnt to look at myself objectively while getting drunk, high, or watching porn.

I finally lost 100% of my desire to watch porn not by simply avoiding it and meeting real girls instead, but by being painfully honest about WHY I was watching it WHILE watching it.

If you have problems with alcohol, quitting drinking ain’t enough. That’s why even when I’d do my sober streaks as a student, I’d go right back to my old fiery, sexually needy self when I’d get back into drinking.

I wouldn’t confront my shadow head-on and be painfully honest with it. I’d get sober to AVOID it.

I didn’t break all my addictions – alcohol, drugs, porn, dissociation – by avoiding my triggers.

I jumped in the fire, and let it forge me instead of burning me to ash.

And I can be that forging fire for you.

You don’t need to get drunk to uncover your shadow and be painfully honest about what you’re sweeping under the rug about yourself – which is 100% affecting how you show up with women.

You can just work with me, and make years’ worth of progress in months.

I’m a way healthier option than a bottle of booze. 🙂

Cowards who can’t admit they don’t already have all the answers need not apply. These “men” make their choices – even if quiet misery in their dating life is what they want long-term.

I work only with brave and driven men who, same as me, are committed to being eternal students of life, rather than getting caught up in their ego and having each year be the same as the last.

If that’s you, see me in coaching!


– Ben

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