I was rereading yesterday’s email and thinking “damn, I had no sympathy for the poor guy”. I bitched that Mr. Nice Guy out through the whole thing, and didn’t have a single positive thing to say about him.
I understand how that may have come off. This man’s an imperfect, flawed human like all of us, and he just wanted some sympathy as he goes through a difficulty in his life.
“So Ben, why were you such a meanie to him?” (him being an absolute stranger who will almost certainly never know I exist)
“Why didn’t you give him the sympathy he wanted?”
I don’t regret a single thing I said.
Living as a man, there are times when you should be soft on someone, and times when you should be hard on someone.
And this guy was getting nothing but people being soft on him. “awww poor little guy, I’ll cheer you up even if your birthday sucked”
Pure as the intentions were, validation is NOT what would have made him get better. A man trapped in a frustrating situation with low self-awareness needs a metaphorical slap in the face, not a hug. The hug can come later. I don’t like sugarcoating any truths. Life is a mean experience at times, and I will never pretend otherwise.
It’s in these mean moments that you see what kind of man you truly are.
The moments where life is mean to you – That’s when you level up!
We’ve all had these experiences. We’re just idly living life, then some absolute bullshit comes out of nowhere and ruins things for us. Forces us to adapt or decay. And we never view life as we used to ever again.
I once made a list of mine, and there were at least 15 life-altering frustrations and traumas on there. And that was back in 2017. Another list’s worth has come my way since then.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
CHALLENGE and TRIAL are where your masculine essence expresses its fullest self.
Whether you’re pushing your body to its limits in the weight room, breaking through new frontiers in the working world, or baring your honest self to others. These moments of risk make you a man.
Your masculinity ISN’T defined by your height, your weight, your job/career/business, your paycheques, the places you’ve been, the lifestyles you’ve lived, your friends/family, the women in your life, or your sexual experiences.
Your masculinity is defined by how much integrity you have under pressure.
You can’t be your fullest, most masculine self without sharpening your edge, without embracing tension and risk, the Hellish forging fires of life.
That’s why I’m occasionally mean or harsh to otherwise nice people:
1. I’m sharpening them, not breaking them. My meanness is a workout for their spiritual muscles, not a car hitting them. One toughens your body up, the other breaks it.
2. Oftentimes, “niceness” is manipulative, not genuine kindness. I sharply, viscerally smell the difference between the two. And I have no patience nor kindness to give to manipulative people. I don’t play their games. I will just call them out on their BS and let things turn out as they do.
I’m an unapologetic bitch to “nice guys” who complain instead of actually doing something about their problems, for good reason – I have the potential to be the pressure that’ll turn them into a diamond, should they choose to humble themselves and think differently. If not me, SOMETHING in life will hit them hard and ask them to level up. And odds are, this something will be many times worse than a perpetually horny internet stranger saying mean things to them.
Men anywhere on the “nice guy” spectrum actively avoid leveling up. They’re soft and scared of life. They’d rather work just hard enough for a stable job and a wife who’s kinda attracted to them, then avoid tension and risk and you know, manhood.
But maybe you’ve grown up soft or sheltered and you’re ashamed of it. You want to be a man and take on the risks and responsibilities that come with it, not live in comfort 100% of the time, and miss out on life’s true pleasures for it.
Good. If that’s you, see me in coaching.
If life hasn’t already beat the shit out of you and forced you to git gud, you need to actively seek out experiences where it does.
Good news is, you don’t have to have grown up in harsh circumstances, suffered abuse, gone through any other major trauma, or been a high-achiever at a young age to sharpen this edge of yours.
You just need to do what you fear, if you can’t get it off your mind.
Scared of stepping into a gym for the first time and challenging your body, despite you knowing it’ll be a game-changer for your confidence?
Constantly fantasizing about writing out a story but never actually sitting in front of the computer screen and Heaven forbid, writing a shoddy first draft instead of the great American novel?
Feeling drawn to learning a certain skill, but never actually pulling the trigger on it because you’re afraid of sucking at it?
Fuck your fears. Do you actually want to get better?
Let’s say you constantly think about women. You see pretty girls all around you as you go about your day, and wonder fills you. But you feel powerless around them, and you wish, oh how you wish you had the courage to walk up to an unfamiliar pretty girl and get her smiling, laughing, vibing, and out on a date with you.
It’s scary, right? What if she rejects you or thinks you’re a creep?
That’s exactly why you should do it. Would you regret never gitting gud with women NOW many years down the line?
So you’re out and about, and fuck it, you approach a girl who catches your eye. You’re nervous, full of tension. Nearly stuttering and mixing up your words as you hold eye contact with her. You can tell she’s a bit intrigued by you, but unconsciously, you both know – you’re losing the frame more and more with every second that goes by, but you go for the number anyway.
“That’s alright, well, you have a good day!”
You took a step forward!
You challenged yourself, and became a better person for it, regardless of the outcome!
It’s these men, who actively choose to have integrity under pressure and to get better, who I’m kind and sympathetic to. I WILL validate these men’s thoughts and feelings, because they’re coming from a place of honesty and integrity, not weakness, neediness, and sympathy-seeking. I’m soft on men who are already being hard on themselves to get better, and choosing a meaningful life over a comfortable one.
It’s this edge, this ballsy energy that’ll primally, viscerally attract a woman to you, and get you feeling super super confident about yourself. But we’ll talk more about that later.
When you’re ready to settle for nothing less than being your fullest, most masculine self (and dating the women who want you to be exactly that)…
We’ll sweep nothing under the rug in teaching you to attract the best women for you.
Deep psychological work (my specialty), uncovering all the true patterns in your dating history, foundational masculine energy work, feminine energy work, deprogramming your brain from porn and making you never want to watch it again, tactical infield advice, and much much more.
Are you ready?
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