Oftentimes, the reason we gents fail in dating isn’t because we’re ugly or boring or every damn attractive girl already has a boyfriend.
In fact, otherwise good-looking, fit, intelligent, ambitious men can fail HARD in dating.
And man, I used to get super down on myself about how no matter what self-improvement I’d do, my dating life would be a drought. I was jacked, well-dressed, moving on up in the social and professional worlds, fun as fuck, taking responsibility for my mental health as best I could at the time, and still, I was the only one of my friends who wasn’t seeing, dating, or fucking someone.
I’d go out to the bars and unsuccessfully try to pick up the girls there. I’d meet girls through my friends but rarely meet one I was really interested in. I’d be addicted to the dating apps and have the occasional date or hookup from there…
With a girl who wouldn’t stick around.
So why do responsible, masculine, valuable guys fail with the ladies, even if they’re objectively a catch?
Could be because they’re not in control of their sexual energy.
Could be because they have trauma and baggage stopping them from being their fullest selves.
They’re in the wrong market.
Guys talk about the “sexual marketplace” like it’s some big place where 80% of all the women in existence are going for the same 20% of men, and these men clean up with absolutely every single demographic of girl.
There’s not ONE sexual marketplace, there’s many.
Sometimes these markets overlap, but there are some general divisions to keep in mind here – age/stage of life, IQ, emotional health, lifestyle and values, location, race/culture, social strata, individual preferences, etc…
You’re in the market for a certain type of girl, the type of girl who aligns with YOU. Imagine the type of girl you’d be most FUCK YES about being with.
What’s she like?
Is she tall, short, black, white, brown, Asian, middle-eastern, Latina, artsy, nerdy, sporty, muscular, thick, curvy, rail-thin, religious, atheist, educated, working-class, rich, extroverted, introverted, bubbly and loud, shy and reserved, ambitious, family-oriented? 18-19? In her 20s, 30s, 40s, even older?
Is she a model? Waitress? Bartender? Scientist? Student? Athlete? Artist? White-collar professional?
What does she do for fun? What places does she frequent? What habits and long-term goals are important to her?
Whatever you prefer in a woman, focus on exactly that and put yourself in the market where she’d be. Anything else is a wild goose chase that won’t get you good results. If you try to force your desire for a girl who just isn’t for you, your energy will be off and your dynamic won’t be anything more than transactional.
You need to focus on meeting women who are in the market for a man like YOU. And ignore all the rest.
No way in hell would I ever tell a bookish, introverted guy who’s looking for a girl he can have deep, intellectual conversations with, who he can check out museums and refined culture-focused venues with… That he should aspire to be a cocky, promiscuous club-going player like Justin Marc, nor that he should try getting the girls who frequent those places when he doesn’t actually desire them.
I’d also never tell a guy like Justin – who strongly desires the promiscuous extroverted club girls, and is desired by them – that he should set his sights on, say, the cute, introverted, sexually inexperienced barista at the local indie coffee shop who’s looking for an exclusive relationship. They’d have very little psychological common ground!
I’d never tell a fratty, “normie” type of dude that he should be dating edgy, artsy, alternative girls when he already CLICKS with his female counterparts – the pretty, cliquey “normie” girls. Nor would I ever tell a guy who’s super into the artsy, alternative girls that he should be dating normie girls who fit into the cliques and Instagram culture and stuff.
If you’re a “gym is life” type of guy, and you plan your entire schedule, wardrobe, and overall lifestyle around your workouts and meal prep, then the girls you’ll vibe with most are the ones who also make fitness their #1 priority and are obsessed with finding new workout routines and wearing Gymshark clothing and stuff, and be repulsed by the girls who don’t find fitness so important.
If you’re a dedicated, type-A businessman who enjoys being on the grind 24/7, and you’d feel dead inside without something to hustle on, then you’ll likely vibe most with similarly driven, ambitious girls who understand the true value of your mindsets and the sacrifices you’re making, and be disgusted by the girls who just want to coast through life working normie jobs.
Whatever kind of man you are, there is a demographic of women out there who will strongly, passionately desire you.
Your success in dating ISN’T about being able to seduce any random pretty girl you run into.
Success in dating means putting yourself around the girls in your niche, and letting your natural attraction to each other do its thing.
This is no excuse to let yourself go and just cross your fingers that FedEx will deliver your next sexy date right to your front door. Especially not with any work on your part.
You still need to get your body and masculine energy right, so you attract pretty girls on a biochemical, energetic level.
You still need to move up in your lifestyle, dedicate yourself to a purpose, have cool friends who preselect you and who you enjoy being around, and know game, so you actually meet those girls in the first place, and attract them on a social level.
You still need to get your psychological/spiritual world right, so that when you DO click with a girl and get her wanting to spend more and more time with you, she’s emotionally healthy, and your dynamic is built on reality, not fantasy. And so you’re courageous with women, unafraid to approach them and move things forward like a man. Or else you may be AROUND girls you’d like, but lack the courage to actually get with them and have a drought of a dating life anyway.
For many years’ worth of progress in all of the above, condensed into mere months, as well as feminine energy work, quit-porn methods that are much more effective than “just don’t look at it”, deep psychological work that will transform how you relate to women, and much much more…
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