Rejection.
Rejection?
Rejection!
Ah, rejection… That’s half the fun of meeting girls! I mean, if you see it for what it really is.
These days if a girl rejects me, I just brush it off and keep moving forward in life when it happens. Even if it’s a harsh rejection. I understand there’s nothing super special about a girl who isn’t feeling me, and there’s 3.5 billion of them in the world, some of whom will be amazing fits for me, and most of whom won’t.
I wasn’t always like this. I had a really rough start in the dating world.
Even the possibility of rejection used to scare the absolute shit out of me.
I would shy away from escalating with girls I liked, even if they wanted me to do it. I was scared of them seeing beyond my cool, fun persona to all the damage and insecurity I had at the time.
I would have literal acute, or week-long, even month-long anxiety attacks over girls I’d date, or even girls I barely knew losing interest in me or ghosting me or flaking on me. I wouldn’t get any better until another girl would enter the picture, then I’d repeat the anxious-attachment cycle with her all over again.
I felt powerless in my dating life, like no attractive girl would ever want me. Every rejection I’d take or even consider the possibility of felt like Mike Tyson punching me in every one of my vital organs.
My identity was that heavily caught up in other people’s perceptions of me. I had a very weak sense of my individual, authentic self.
I wanted a girl so I could define myself through a close relationship with someone with a more solid sense of self than mine. I was needy.
To me, rejection meant I wasn’t a person. It was seemingly denying me my manhood, and my personhood.
I had a lot of inner work ahead of me to overcome the bugs in my software. (the same inner work that I do with clients! The self-empowering, girl-getting mindsets I’ve refined over YEARS, you’ll download from me in mere months!)
Look brother, I understand. Rejection’s a punch to the gut sometimes.
But you can’t avoid it.
Rejection is an inevitable part of dating, and you just have to live with it.
So rather than selling you on some fantasy of “you can seduce absolutely any hot girl you ever meet with these lines, these tricks, and this sort of presentation! You’ll never get rejected if you follow my 69-step system!”…
I’ll tell you the truest truth about what it really means when a lady says no to you:
Rejection is a GOOD THING
There is no man out there who’s good with women who also doesn’t get rejected.
Yes, this includes the Chads. Strongly preselected as they are, there’s more to unlocking a woman’s cray cray than mere biochemistry.
If you want to meet girls who are FUCK YES about being with you, you also have to meet a ton of girls who are FUCK NO about being with you.
You can’t have one without the other. Just like in marketing and sales, you can’t pitch your product/service to people who’ll buy it without putting it in front of a bunch who just aren’t into it.
So as we’ll go over here, your strategy in dating CANNOT be based on avoiding rejection. You make this your goal, you’ll hide yourself away and also miss out on the women who’ll be super enthusiastic about you, as you fear being rejected by them too.
Seriously, I can’t think of a single girl I regret expressing interest in, but I can think of many I regret playing it way too cool with. Rejection may sting in the moment, but it’s a more pleasant pain than not acting on your true desires.
Wouldn’t you rather get rejected or hurt than wonder what could have been?
Men who are successful in dating make rejection work FOR them. These men have a growth mindset, and rather than ego-attaching to a woman’s validation, they treat the Ls in their dating life as a series of learning experiences.
They open-heartedly WELCOME rejection. (*audible gasp*)
This is the mindset I seek to instill in you, dear reader. As I’ve instilled in myself, and transformed my connections with women for it.
Rejection keeps people apart who aren’t right for each other.
What’s the alternative to a girl blowing you out early in the interaction?
Wasting your damn time building up false hope about her, only for irreconcilable incompatibilities to arise later in the dating process!
What’s the worst that’ll happen if you shoot your shot and get shot down? Assuming you were a gent with her, you’re not gonna be her “that creepy guy who made me uncomfortable” story. Showing honest, socially calibrated interest in a girl will flatter her, even if she’s not feeling you!
So gents, let the rejections happen. Understand that they’re not simply inevitable, but NECESSARY for you to git gud with the girls. The more you endure, the more you realize how special most girls AREN’T and how soul-crushing rejection really ISN’T.
So what if some female stranger ain’t feeling ya? So what if you went on a few dates with a girl and realized you don’t actually have potential past that?
She’s not a divine sexual goddess laughing at you, condemning you to a lifetime of sexless agony. She’s just a person with her own BS to worry about.
There’s 3.5 billion ladies in this world, and you’re incompatible with 99%+ of them.
Let’s do a thought experiment. Let’s narrow this pool down to all the women in your area. Pick a random one.
Odds are she’s too young for you, too old for you, your age but not your type, not attractive to you for whatever reason, already in a relationship/marriage, or there could be mutual attraction but you have too much incompatibility in your lifestyle or values or emotional/psychological/spiritual worlds to vibe well.
It’s nothing personal, she’s just not right for you!
Meeting girls is like a slot machine where you’re shooting for the one-in-100 who’s going to add some value to your life. Putting yourself out there to meet new ladies isn’t a guarantee you’ll find one you mesh with; it just gives you more chances to spin the machine. And the more you spin the machine, the more likely you are to be a success in dating!
So when you do meet that girl who’s one-in-100, don’t let the opportunity go! It’s not every day you meet a girl who aligns with you in terms of physical attraction, social attraction, and psychological/spiritual attraction!
Risk rejection, or forever wonder what could have been!
It’s better to build the habit of taking action, and get rejected a bunch of times before meeting some girls who really VIBE with you, than to try to get it right all the time and miss out on those amazing ladies because you didn’t know how to create social momentum.
Every rejection you risk or receive is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself, about women, or about the world. Most importantly, what types of girls work well with you vs which ones don’t. So the more you put yourself out there, the more you appreciate rejection and incompatibility, the clearer an understanding you’ll have of what’ll truly make you happy in your relationships.
So don’t sweat it, brother. It’s just life. Define your self-image by better things than whether women approve of you, and you’ll be fine. You’ll be free. You’ll be able to confidently act on your true desires, and discern sharply which women aren’t for you, and more importantly, which ones will make your life way way better.
But you may have lingering emotional wounds holding you back. There may be a part of you that never matured beyond being a scared, rejected adolescent. There may be a part of you that still feels like being loved, accepted, appreciated is conditional and not something you innately deserve.
Until you take care of this BS in you, until you do the inner work, until you love YOURSELF no matter what, you can never be truly happy with a woman.
Good thing that’s my specialty in coaching, among much much more.
See me there when you’re ready to be my next client who makes years’ worth of progress in months!
Keep taking action,
– Ben
