Is “slump busting” worth it?

I got into a little disagreement with some PUAs on the bird app a short while back, and here was my main point:

“Don’t ever date a girl for “practice”. Throw yourself in the fire of a girl who inspires those sexual passions in you, or let yourself have a dry spell. You’re programming yourself to believe low-quality dates are what you deserve. Do you deserve to be with high-quality women?”

(link to original tweet)

My stance on “slump busting” is that it ain’t worth it, whether you’re fucking an unattractive girl to break a dry spell, or going out with a girl you don’t like just for “practice”.

These passionless dalliances are unfulfilling, emotionally draining, a blow to your self-respect, and will make a funny story at best. (how many of us have a “that girl from the dating app did NOT look like her photos” story?)

In my opinion as a dating/relationship/sexual energy coach, it’s better to let a dry spell happen than to compromise on your standards, and risk missing out on higher-quality women for it.

If you want to program your unconscious to believe you deserve attractive, high-quality women (and have your reality bend to that), then dating unattractive/lower-quality women should be a hard NO for you.

Otherwise they will drain the sexual/emotional bandwidth from you that you’d otherwise save for a woman who fits your standards.

Do these PUAs have a point though?

Is it worthwhile to date a girl simply for “practice” in some circumstances?

AusDaygame made a valid counter-argument here:

What difference will practice make?

“It will make a huge difference im not someone with huge dating experience so i can tell u that even instant dates make a big difference Practicing in dates gets u better at kino, body language, escalation etc

and by the time u do get a hotter girl on a date, it will be a betger date for the both of u cos u will be more confident because you’ll have experience experienxe is huge even if low quality”

(link to original tweets)

I get it. I’ve been an absolute virgin “in need of practice” too. 5 years ago, I was in touch with my masculinity and sexual energy, but also intensely socially anxious and terrified of rejection, especially from girls. I knew how to get to know an attractive girl, but getting any deeper than completely superficial would freak me out and get me self-sabotaging with her.

Some guys feel like they need a dating experience with a girl whose SMV is noticeably beneath theirs to refine their game without risking her seeing them as low-value and quickly ditching them.

After all, being terrified of rejection from women you find attractive won’t do wonders for your game around them, to say the least. Maybe those guys do need a brief “slump busting” experience to give themselves a little practice in following the framework of dating.

So I’ll play devil’s advocate against my own ideals here. I’ll tell you in what circumstance these PUAs DO have a point about this.

There’s one context in which I DO recommend you “practice date” or “slump bust”:

When you and the girl are highly psychologically compatible.

Attraction is multi-dimensional, and you can’t reduce it to simple sexual compatibility or simple personal compatibility, as some people do. I see it as a three-storey house, with biochemical/nature-driven/primal attraction being the first storey, social attraction being the second, and psychological/spiritual attraction being the third.

Optimizing your body, fitness, and overall physical health makes it a hell of a lot easier to attract girls in a social context, and optimizing your lifestyle/social circle/game makes it far more likely for you to meet girls you’re psychologically/spiritually compatible with.

Sometimes you’ll find a girl fuckable, but have very little social/psychological common ground, making it near-impossible for you two to form a connection.

Other times, you can find an otherwise unattractive girl, but have an easy, natural psychological connection with her where you really GET each other. It’s these girls you should be “slump busting” with, if you choose to give in to that urge.

These girls CAN be valuable mirrors to your own psychology. They will reflect things about you that you may never have consciously seen in yourself. In this context, these girls CAN actually help prepare you for dating more attractive girls. But you have to be open to personal growth and learning the lessons you’re called to learn from this experience. You can’t just get with a sub-par girl just to say you have a girl.

Slump-busting doesn’t heal a guy’s sex-related emotional wounds, as much as it’s an ego-boost. Guys don’t slump-bust for any better reason than to prove to themselves they can at least get SOME random girl.

Unless it’s with a girl he’s willing to (temporarily) go deep with and genuinely heal each other’s emotional wounds through the experience.

I don’t recommend you have sex with a girl who doesn’t really excite you though. Teach your body and unconscious that your sexual energy should be saved for girls who really turn you on, and who you see genuine potential with.

Are your standards too high?

Here’s another question you should be asking yourself if you’re considering a slump-buster of a girl.

It’s got an easy answer:

The standards you apply to the girls you want must be applied to YOURSELF first.

Look at YOURSELF, then you’ll see the types of girls you should be going for.

Be aware of your own value, gents.

If you’re in great shape and conscientious about what you eat, no way in hell should you ever settle for a girl who doesn’t value her own biochemistry and fitness just as highly.

If you want a girl who’s unwilling to settle for a bum who only does the bare minimum to get by in life, don’t be that bum! Be ambitious and driven!

If you’re seeking a girl who wants a relationship and is selective (though not trad LARPer prudent) about the men she dates, you damn well better be selective about the women you date too! Don’t give yourself up to just any half-decently attractive girl just to MAYBE get laid with her.

If you’re a man who’s in shape, ambitious, and willing to take responsibility for himself, to grow and be a better man, then slump-busting or dating a girl for simple “practice” is really fucking stupid. Don’t do it. Save the low-quality women for low-quality men.

In fact, you won’t attract something you aren’t in the first place. Self-improvement will automatically deselect yourself from getting with girls who aren’t on your level, unless you have aligning psychological trauma/baggage.

5 years ago, I’d fail HARD in dating. Not because I was innately undesirable. But because I didn’t understand my own value.

I was in great shape, ate well, dressed well, had my fair share of hobbies keeping me busy, and was in touch with my masculinity and sexual energy. But I had a LOT of trauma and psychological baggage stopping me from showing up as my fullest self socially and intimately. Therefore, I’d miss out on the girls I REALLY wanted, even if getting them would objectively have been as simple as walking up to them, saying hi, vibing a bit, and letting whatever happens happen.

So when I see a guy in a similar position, a guy who has some good things going for him but doesn’t understand women or even the full extent of HIMSELF, I think “damn brah, work with me already! Every girl problem you have, I’ve already solved and I can solve it again!”

You don’t have to slump-bust and forever have the memory of getting with a low-quality girl any more.

Instead, see me in coaching. We’ll get you aware of your own holistic value as a man, and how to meet+game+date+retain the amazing women who align with you.

You don’t have to change who you are to get girls. You just need to be MORE AWARE of what you have to offer, and get your unconscious mind right.

Fill out the form, and we’ll go from there.

The deep psychological work that’s taken me 5+ years to do on myself, I’ll download into you in just 1-2 months, among a whole ton of other things that’ll transform your dating life 🙂

See ya,

– Ben

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