Having nowhere left to go taught me to love myself more. It taught me to see more value in myself.
I had an absolute fucker of a day yesterday – thought I was going to be moving into a new apartment, then long story short, the terms I was entering it on turned out to be fraudulent, and moving in there would mean doing business with manipulative, toxic people.
(plus I had both business stuff and work to worry about, so I was a busy Benito)
So for moral reasons, I decided I’d rather take my chances with temporary homelessness than play by their rules.
And lost 99% of my stuff in the process, basically everything but my laptop, phones, chargers, backpack, lock, all my IDs and stuff (thank fuck), and one set of clothes.
I didn’t slow down though. I still cracked open my laptop and pulled a shift working on business stuff, then did a shift at the day job, all with a smile on my face.
Then after all that, I walked around the city looking for a bench I could sleep on.
It was like I was checking out real-estate properties, but with high standards and an extremely low budget. Nope, that one’s in a high pedestrian traffic area. Nope, that one’s already got a homeless guy on it.
I just needed somewhere I could crash and sleep for the night. Wasn’t asking for much else. This pickle I’m in is temporary. I have income. I can find somewhere to live. I’ve experienced worse than this.
Then I thought to myself:
Why do I assume I need to sleep outside tonight?
I have income. I have money in the bank.
That sent me down a rabbit hole of self-evaluation. Why do I feel guilty about spending money when I have it? I was going to pay rent for an apartment anyway. Why, when I ran into a housing issue, was my first thought “well, guess I’m gonna sleep on the streets for a while!”?
Why do I treat myself like I only deserve the bare minimum, both in my living situation and my relationships?
Because that’s the thing about inner work, gents: IT NEVER ENDS. I spent 2021 going HARD with the inner work, clearing out probably 95% of my trauma/baggage/emotional wounds, and you know what, I could be wrong about that number. It could be closer to 80%, 50%, even 10%.
I’m wrong about a lot of things, and that’s that. Everyone’s wrong about stuff. What separates the smart from the dumb isn’t your mistaken assumptions about life; it’s how readily you admit you’re wrong and grow from it.
Sometimes, you can’t see yourself objectively until one of two things happens:
1. Adversity strikes, and you’re forced to grow.
2. You actively seek out growth, and seek advice/mentorship from someone who sees you objectively. (ex. COACHING WITH ME !!!!)
If you assume your dating life should be the equivalent of sleeping on a bench, not under a roof…
You always need to be asking yourself WHY, or else you’re not moving forward with the inner work.
So when I was walking through the streets, looking for a hotel to spend the night at, I was telling myself…
“You have income! You have money in the bank! You’re financially stable, why do you treat yourself like you deserve to sleep outside?”
“Why do you treat yourself like shit? Why don’t you assume you deserve more than the bare minimum?”
I ended up spending 3 figures on a hotel room for the same reason I decided to put myself into this pickle:
I chose to value my self-respect over my material possessions.
And though I don’t have a place to live currently nor more than a backpack’s worth of stuff, I respect myself for choosing discomfort and material loss over sacrificing my integrity.
The truth about loss
I was doing a discovery call with a potential client yesterday too. He was feeling the coaching program, and yay, he was the type of guy I’d love to work with. Almost every problem he told me about was something I’d personally experienced, and he was willing to take responsibility for changing his situation. As usual, in the background, I was putting together my action plan for helping him reach his fullest potential in dating.
But he gave me the most common objection I get from potential clients:
“I don’t know if this is worth the money.”
And rather than hard-sell him on my coaching program, rather than employing sales tactics, I validated what he was thinking.
“Yeah man, spending 4 figures on something you’re not entirely sure will improve your life, that fucking sucks! So you need to decide what you value more – holding on to these 4 figures or (the usual “how I’m gonna get you good with women” sales pitch)”
Because as much as I was trying to help him through his objection, I wasn’t aware I was dealing with his same problem in other areas of my life: FEAR OF LOSS.
It’s not that I was a bad salesman who couldn’t turn around the objection, as much as I was actually feeling the same fear of self-investment he was!
At the moment, I would rather have spent the night on a park bench than drop 3 figures on a hotel room, and I was fully prepared to actually do it. And this fear didn’t show itself to my conscious until I told myself – “why do you feel like you don’t deserve to sleep somewhere better than a park bench or on the grass or something?”
The one “sales tactic” I employed with that gentleman was explaining the law of equal exchange, that everything good in life comes with an associated sacrifice. You can’t gain something without losing something.
But I needed to hear that more than he did.
Life ALWAYS comes with its losses. You can’t avoid them, gents. BUT you can CHOOSE which losses to experience.
In coaching’s case, would you rather hold on to 4 figures worth of money, or lose that, and gain constantly-evolving mastery with women and sexual energy in the process? Would you rather stay where you comfortably are, or experience a bit of discomfort and loss, and make years’ worth of progress in months instead?
Me, I had a choice yesterday – lose my housing and material possessions, or lose my self-respect? Blow 3 figures on something that’ll only last a night, or treat myself like I deserve to sleep on the street?
I lost a lot yesterday, but I chose wisely. And made some worthwhile gains in my self-respect and self-love for it. This “loss” was actually a long-term investment in myself. I’m making myself a better man for it.
Material things and money, those are replaceable. I have a job. I have a business. I have income flowing in. All I need to do if I can’t get my stuff back is go to a bunch of stores and get new clothes and other stuff.
If I lose some money on petty things, so what? I’ll make more.
Time isn’t so replaceable. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good.
That’s why coaching’s so valuable.
Yes, you’ll spend 4 figures on it. And I understand it’s daunting. I’m a young guy, what do I know? How will this REALLY improve your life? How are you supposed to know you’re not investing in a piece of shit coaching program that won’t teach you anything new?
Read my blog. Read my past emails. Read my Twitter. Look at my testimonials from past clients. There, you’ll see a fraction of what coaching will do for you. I save the deepest stuff for our one-on-one calls.
No matter what, your fear of loss will be there. Nothing you can do to remove it. All you can do is choose WHAT to lose – A bit of money you can easily make back…
Or YEARS worth of priceless memories, self-respect, self-love, and connection with women.
In a few years, what’ll you think when you look back on your current self?
“Golly gee, I’m so happy I didn’t spend money on that coaching program!”
“Golly gee, I’m so happy I did Ben’s coaching program and grew so much from it!” (and if you’re like my past clients, you’ll have a pretty lady by your side as you’re thinking that!)
You’ll have the fear of loss either way. The only difference is what you gain from it. My coaching program is a high-ticket investment because it delivers high-ticket results. Every client I’ve worked with so far who’s invested, has ended up making quick, massive gains in his dating life.
But only because he decided to value his time over his money.
Even in my early 20s, I used to wish I knew at 18-20 what I know now. I only ever learned it because I decided to fuck around, take some action, and find out.
What about you?
I don’t care if you have fears or doubts. That’s just part of being human. I have mine too. I care what you value more: Your comfort or your growth?
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