Yet another failed first date story

I can’t be arsed to play-by-play or tl;dr the details of this situation, besides “woman goes on date with handsome successful man who schools her about political/societal issues”.

Just click the damn link and read what happened.

So what really went on there, in my professional opinion?

Manosphere Twitter praised this unseen, unknown gentleman. Just look at the quote tweets. To them, this was the story of a based man absolutely OWNING a lame feminist woman with his AMAZING, BASED opinions.

My take’s a little different than that.

Sure, I agree with them that this woman’s not got a good vibe. Like many modern people, her energy is crammed in her head. She’s living in a purely intellectual world without first having grounded herself in Nature.

She also had a tough time handling sexual tension. Typical modern dissociated female cognitive dissonance where a woman self-protects (self-sabotages!) with an antagonistic relationship towards masculinity, because she’s actually AFRAID of being truly vulnerable and giving herself to a man.

No need to bitch her out or write a long rant about how “western women aren’t feminine anymore and that hurts my feelings :'(“…

Here’s the one thing that matters most here:

Sure, plenty of “based” guys want (and perhaps have even had) a dating experience where they show up to a date, say whatever they want even if it offends the girl, and get her into bed or onto further dates. Their SMV is just so high that the girl would have been attracted and willing to see more of them no matter what words came out of their mouth.

But guys seeing this story through that lens miss one crucial element:

This woman is 42.

That means two things:

1. She’s much more cognitively developed than a young, immature girl who cares primarily about a man’s looks and status. She’s looking for a strong psychological connection more than anything. Any misalignment of their fundamental values will put a lot of friction in her willingness to get with him.

(Cognitive development =/= cognitive health. Her brain simply has a wider range of frames of reference that program its processing power than that of a younger woman, Not at all the same thing as her emotional health and integration)

2. She’s set in her ways. She’s spent DECADES solidifying her psychological profile. Barring major trauma that forces her to “sink or swim”, there is a very slim chance she will ever change her worldviews and ways of thought. Even for a man with supposed high sexual market value. (maybe she was embellishing the details of the story though, I don’t know)

Yes, if you’re dating a cognitively average 20-year-old who’s still going through her foundational formative youthful years, she will have a much higher likelihood of “molding” herself to your beliefs.

A girl in her teens to early 20s doesn’t have any genuine deeply-held beliefs or values outside the ones society, her peers, and the most dominant men in her life have programmed into her. Basic femininity assimilates to its environment and has little self-direction outside of what’ll give her social status and approval.

But as a woman lives life, grows, matures… She begins to transcend this immature form of femininity. (and in rare cases, even begin this cognitive growth as a teenager!) She learns to integrate masculine energy, to have a solid sense of self that DOESN’T completely mold itself to the environment.

Some women deny their base femininity for it (like this woman), others learn to channel masculine energy ALONGSIDE feminine energy, and become happier, more whole women for it.

(In coaching, we’ll do the male counterpart of this – ANIMA WORK – enhancing your masculinity by polarizing it with internal feminine energy)

So, unless your political beliefs are strongly aligned with the woman’s, ranting about them is better game around younger ones than older ones.

Enough about women, let’s talk about the man.

And his beliefs. Black community is in shambles. Women are social creatures. Feminism bad. The system is rigged against men.

Who the fuck cares?

I mean yeah, those are true points and valid societal issues.

But this is NOT how you build a personal connection with a woman on the first date.

Unless you’ve vibed beforehand over your shared political beliefs, this is a first date no-go.

But no matter what his intentions were, whether he was harshly screening her because he wants a woman of similar ideologies who values her political beliefs as highly as he values his, or whether he didn’t know how to let go and have fun on a date with a woman, or whether SHE was actually the cold, closed-off one and wasn’t giving him much to work with in terms of creating a fun vibe…

I have one question to ask him (though he’ll never hear it):

Why’d he go out with this woman? This woman who’s now slandering him on the bird app?

He didn’t accidentally date her. Something about HIM attracted HER.

What do you think it was?

My guess: He’s ALSO stuck in his head and not really connected with his heart.

Why?

Because I had a date exactly like this one a while back.

The girl was not being herself with me, felt more like she was going through the motions of going out with a strange guy rather than actually trying to get to know me, and I even calmly called her out on her inauthenticity. I don’t shy away from conflict with people in my life. I was unapologetically honest with her even if she ended up bitching me out for it.

I did the same thing with her that that guy from the story did with his date. (that’s a mouthful) – I ranted about my beliefs about stuff. Because I didn’t know what else to talk about with that closed-off girl. I just said what was on my mind.

And she didn’t like it one bit.

Good. I screened out a sexually dissociated girl who wasn’t a good fit for me. Just like that gentleman also did, intentionally or not.

I was still pissed about that date gone south though, and I had a major reflection sesh after it. I asked myself – Why did I go out with her in the first place?

Dr. Foth’s self-diagnosis: I was ALSO emotionally closed off and unwilling to open my heart to a girl. Yet unlike my sad but cute date there, I had GAME concealing my guarded heart.

And since then, I added a new certain something to my inner work – Increased self-awareness about my emotionally avoidant attachment pattern. Never vibed with an avoidant-attachment girl since.

That same inner work that’s taken me many many years, you’ll download into yourself in mere months. If you’re a responsible and coachable client of mine, that is.

Take a wild freakin guess what benefits that’ll put into your dating life, you handsome gent you 🙂

For a dating life that fits YOU, work with me!

I won’t force you to fit some objective “attractive guy” mold. My coaching is tailored to your individual goals, needs, and situation in the dating world.

You’ll become your fullest, most aware, most present, most masculine self…

And effortlessly attract the ladies who like you for exactly that 🙂

See me when you’re ready to be my next client success story!

– Ben


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