How I learned to be a man

I like being around guys who are into self-improvement. I have a lot of interests worth relating to them over – fitness, business, gitting gurls. It’s refreshing to talk to a guy who “speaks the same language” as me.

It’s these growth mindset-embracing gentlemen who I work with in coaching, and have a fantastic time with!

My work doesn’t resonate with men who only want an (easy) 69-step system to seduce random hot (easy) girls. It’s for men who want to HOLISTICALLY UNDERSTAND how women work and do the challenging, deep work to rewire their unconscious to be the man the best ones want, not simply act like him.

Now, there’s one subject I dread discussing with these gentlemen, no matter if it’s in coaching or when we’re just chilling.

Books.

I like reading self-improvement content too, so I get it. I want to feel like I understand life and all its nuances. I like putting my experiences into words. That’s the whole reason I create dating advice content – to promote myself, and to help you handsome gentlemen understand women and dating just a little better 🙂

But I don’t want you to masturbate yourself to self-improvement content, whether it’s mine or someone else’s. I’m happy you enjoy it. I do too. But it has its limitations.

Binging on information is exactly that. Binging on information.

You should consume this content to make sense of what you’ve already experienced, and to motivate yourself to take action.

Your REAL growth as a man comes from two things, with no exception:

1. Taking that real-world action.

2. Mentorship.

So while self-improvement content is valuable as a reference guide/roadmap in your journey as a man, as you accumulate experiences and build your life up…

It’s not a replacement for these experiences nor this building.

Don’t be the guy who obsessively reads about how life works but is barely present in moving his own life forward.

I don’t enjoy having theoretical discussions about how life works. Sorry, boys.

I want to know YOUR stories. I want to know what makes YOU tick. I want to know what makes you YOU. I want to know what YOU’VE learnt LIVING YOUR LIFE. That’s what makes me so happy to meet men who are into getting good at life! Hearing the stories and lessons from them that no other person can tell me.

I can’t be arsed to hear you regurgitate some shit you’ve learnt from your favorite self-improvement guru. I can always tell when it’s something you’ve read online vs something you’ve experienced yourself.

Now, this’ll be a harsh pill for some of you self-improvement-oriented gents:

Your obsessive reading/video-watching by itself is an avoidance mechanism.

You’re afraid of making a mistake. You’re afraid of looking stupid. You’re afraid of not having all the answers.

Fuck you.

Let yourself be a student, not just a consumer.

My mentorship story

I first met this guy a long while ago. We’ll call him Dick.

Dick taught me everything I know about social/sexual dominance, attracting women, and male shadow work. He’s not a guy you’ll find anywhere in the manosphere/self-improvement space. He’s a random dude I accidentally befriended one day who ended up being one of my most influential mentors.

I’ll admit, I was very insecure around him. I was used to being “the smart guy” in all my friendships. I was used to being the strongest, fittest, best-dressed, most ambitious guy in the room. But you know what that means, right?

I was in the wrong fucking rooms!

Dick outclassed me in every way – he was taller, stronger, better-looking, better-dressed, a more successful athlete, far more worldly and experienced, had an entire library’s worth of interesting stories from his life that put mine to shame, and was fantastic with the ladies.

Every time Dick and I would meet girls together, they’d be drawn to him extremely naturally and he’d have a super easy time hooking up with them… While I’d be basically sexually deselected.

It hurt in the moment. I had major confidence issues with my sexuality at the time. I thought I was doomed to be sexually deselected all my life no matter what self-improvement I’d do, while Chads such as Dick were the only men who could achieve sexual mastery.

I was wrong.

Despite my insecurities, I was still an attractive guy. I was jacked, well-dressed, experienced and worldly in my own ways, intelligent, ambitious, and an overall fun time when my anxiety wasn’t fucking shit up for me.

My REAL problem there was:

I was trying to sell myself to the girls who Dick wanted, not to the ones I truly wanted.

I was trying to completely copy Dick’s example instead of integrating the extremely valuable lessons I learnt from him into my unique, individual self.

I assumed I was innately unattractive and that I had to become Dick to get girls.

Remember, there’s not just one dating market. There’s many!

Despite how insecure Dick would make me feel, befriending him is one of the most valuable things I’ve ever done. I’ve learnt more from him than from almost any other mentor I’ve had, especially about masculinity and gitting gurls.

And he’s far from the only super influential mentor I’ve had, most of whom also aren’t in the manosphere/self-improvement space.

I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if I didn’t embrace mentorship. In every domain of life.

Being a student, shutting the fuck up, and listening to men I have personal relationships with who know more about certain things than I do is the #1 self-development skill I have, and the #1 skill I preach.

I have grown more as a man doing this than I have from anything else besides taking ballsy action and learning my own lessons, living my own stories.

No, I don’t mean simply finding men to look up to and consume content from. I mean MENTORSHIP. Actual mentorship.

Without said mentorship, I’d still be <120 lbs and clueless about fitness, clueless about business and hustle, and clueless about women and relationships.

So when I hear a guy tell me about all the cool life lessons he’s learnt from books, I want to smack the shit out of him.

“Who were your mentors?” I ask.

And he says…

“some guy I watch on YouTube”

Sorry bro, I respect your growth mindset, but I still want to smack the shit out of you.

Having an actual relationship with a mentor is 1 billion times more transformative than simply consuming their wisdom through their works.

You know how many valuable, life-changing lessons about my manhood I’ve learnt from reading books and blog posts, and from watching self-improvement videos?

Approximately ZERO.

I had a slow-burning psychological breakdown last year for this very reason. It ended with me having a bad manic episode, wrecking a bunch of my in-person relationships irreversibly, and taking a few months off my dating coaching hustle so I could begin doing major inner work with myself.

I was trying to live a fantasy amalgamation of a bunch of my “ghost mentor’s” lives instead of my own. Being obsessed with self-improvement content was actually DETRIMENTAL to me back then.

And you know how many of those valuable life-changing lessons I’ve learnt from men I’ve had personal relationships with? Whether it’s a man I just happened to know who taught me some of his wisdom, or a man I’ve paid 4 figures to work with (way more than I charge for my coaching!)?

Too many to list.

Mentorship isn’t just consuming another man’s wisdom. It means becoming PART OF HIS LIFE, and receiving his energy for it. It’s far beyond simple intellectualism and reading and watching.

Again, self-improvement content does have its value.

But even the most life-changing texts I’ve read have only changed my life significantly because of the concrete real-world action they inspired. I didn’t actually learn any lessons from reading them. They only gave me the roadmap to learn these lessons for myself, through my own life experience.

Anyhoo, time for you to decide something.

Is mentorship from me on women, dating, relationships, deep psychological work, and sexual energy mastery right for you?

I know you enjoy reading my content. I’m grateful to have you here, and thank you for finding value in my work. But these emails are only a fraction of the full extent of mastery I have to offer you.

When you’re ready to download the mindsets and energy that have gotten the rest of my clients massive, quick gains in their dating lives…

Apply to work with me, and we’ll go from there!

See ya later alligator,

– Ben


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