Emotional vomit is a good thing

I had a productive day yesterday – pulled a shift working on business stuff, then an 8-hour shift moving and sorting stuff at the day job, then I worked on business stuff for another few hours, all on 4-5ish hours of sleep. I’m determined to win, boys. My wins are more important than my comfort.

Anyhoo, I smoked a little too much too fast during that last shift of work. I finished my cigar super quickly cause the cigar lounge was about to close, and got a huge hit of nicotine in one go that got me sick, lighheaded, nauseous. The previous time I got sick while smoking, it went away quickly, so I took the discomfort like a man and waited it out.

Then I became an unfortunate Uber driver’s “that guy who puked all over my nice seats” story.

“Get the fuck out of my car!”

I just took the L and moved forward.

Embarrassing as that was (along with being charged a 3-figure cleaning fee fml), it got me thinking. Spontaneously puking my guts out there felt GOOD, relieving (aside from ruining that poor gentleman’s night). I no longer felt nauseous or lightheaded.

Emotional vomit works the same way.

If you’re carrying a repressed emotion, it’ll come out. Spontaneously, unpredictably. Usually in non-ideal ways. Maybe not all over an unfortunate Uber driver’s seats, but at a party, at work, on a date, during quality time with a loved one…

I’ve known my fair share of people whose repression has been ANGER. They’ve snapped at me or someone else over petty, insignificant things. Not pretty to witness, obviously.

I once went out for drinks with a buddy who lost it on our bartender – over a chip in his glass that he was worried about cutting his lip. I said to him: just turn the glass around so your lip won’t be touching it. Or he could have calmly, politely asked the bartender to pour his beer into a new glass.

But nope, he freaked out at the bartender, insulted him a bunch, and got thrown out of the bar in the end.

Why didn’t he just take my advice and handle the situation more rationally?

Because it wasn’t actually about the chip. As much as he assumed it was, with his limited emotional awareness (common problem we guys have, including my past self!)

My buddy there wanted to be honest about his anger, and this little annoyance was his excuse to let it out. It was his excuse to connect with me and the bartender over what he was REALLY feeling.

I actually didn’t mind him getting pissy. Lord knows I’m like that sometimes too. It’s his lack of self-awareness that got me angrily, silently, disappointedly fucking his eyes with mine when he was explaining himself to me right after he started losing it.

And though my buddy made that bartender’s night a bit harder, this emotional vomit of his was a step in the right direction for him, non-ideal as its circumstances were.

Too bad he swallowed his emotional vomit instead of puking the rest of it out and learning something from it. That lead to more of these moments down the line, along with the associated profuse apologies that didn’t actually fix anything.

Don’t swallow your fucking vomit!

This is the WORST POSSIBLE THING people do when they spontaneously emotionally vomit. They act like it never happened, they avoid it, they fail to be responsible for it.

“Vomit? What vomit?”

This’ll only lead to more of the same emotional vomit down the line, and it reveals a massive degree of self-non-awareness that will fuck them over constantly until they wizen up to it and choose to be more responsible for their feelings.

No. When you emotionally vomit, look right at it. What’s REALLY in it? What got you sick? What did your energy body need to puke out?

For me, it’s been mostly shame and lust and anger and pride, also a very strong desire for dominance and power. Also nostalgia and a wish to go back in time and fix things. For many many years, I kept these feelings of mine hidden, away from polite society.

Except when I’d get drunk and vomit them all over some unfortunate people who really didn’t give a shit.

How did I get over these little pockets of trauma without burdening other people with them?

I let myself feel them, in controlled settings. And I’d be radically fucking honest about WHY I was feeling them.

When I was doing hardcore inner work earlier this year, I’d binge a bunch of tequila shots one after the other in my room by myself, and let my state of high dopamine + reduced inhibitions make “in vino veritas” work for me. So much shit from my unconscious became conscious, and I let it flow out of me. I didn’t ruin anyone’s night, or mine, by vomiting it onto them.

Metaphorically speaking, I’d let myself emotionally vomit in a toilet rather than on an Uber driver’s seats.

I’m pissed because that girl doesn’t want to date me or sleep with me? That’s not the problem. I’m pissed because I’m reducing my value to purely my sex, and don’t feel like I can connect with a girl over more than that. I crave emotional intimacy but have no fucking clue how to actually handle it. My value as a man is foundationally defined by my sex, but it’s also so much more than that.

I wish I could go back in time and redo high school/college knowing what I know now? Nope. I wish I had more opportunities in the present to apply the knowledge I currently have. I wish I didn’t feel so isolated from my peers post-college.

I’m down on myself because (x person) didn’t treat me like I’m God on Earth? Hah, no. I’m down on myself because past close relationships have conditioned me into thinking that my flaws are shameful and reduce my value as a man/person, not endearing and able to be alchemized into life gains.

That’s just a few examples of this radical honesty I’ve practiced alongside controlled emotional vomit.

I cured my obsessive lust by LETTING IT MOVE THROUGH ME.

Instead of confining it to sexual fantasies, I wrote stories that included explicit sex scenes and other sexually charged moments. Allowed my lust to be productive and create a work of art. Instead of watching porn by myself every night, I decided to be okay with my lust, and I got into the habit of approaching girls during the daytime and at the bars purely because I wanted to fuck them. I let myself see firsthand who these girls truly were – PEOPLE with flaws and character defects and individual psychological profiles and stuff.

My sin of pride and my desire for dominance and power weren’t too fun when I’d play petty power games with people and get emotionally manipulative to satisfy myself, BUT they’ve been quite an asset when I’ve channeled them into work and business, and learnt to transcend these low desires of mine – channeling that potency and masculine energy into things that improve other people’s lives, rather than purely into whatever would make my ego feel sated.

Get it?

You have to feel it to heal it. We all have this bullshit within us, we all have these lower desires we repress that sometimes come out in ugly ways.

Embrace them.

Stop denying them or hiding them away.

Your sinful desires can be a powerful fuel towards your personal development, if you let them be so.

You have to let yourself feel these lower feelings of yours, let them fully flow through you, or you’ll never alchemize them into gains for yourself. Refusing responsibility for them will make you end up like a whole bunch of the shitty, low-quality people I’ve met, who’ve chosen a victim mindset over responsibility.

Most people are needy, and will repress their truths to “fit in”. Only expressing them through uncontrollable emotional vomit that they soon swallow back up, then end up regurgitating later on.

They deny their higher self’s values, LARP them at best, and orient their lives completely around satisfying their lower values. Their lives are a hidden game of justifying their sins. Especially if their veneer is that of a helpful, nice, good person.

I’ll admit this used to be me in a prior season. I had my redeeming qualities, yet was living for nothing above my lust and my vanity.

(click that link for a bit of my origin story as a dating coach, and in my spiritual development)

But I did the work to become a better man. And it all started with AWARENESS:

We all have a higher self and a lower self. We’re constantly choosing which one to live for. Either we treat our higher self purely as a veneer to help our lower self survive and camouflage itself in society, or we treat our lower self as a source of energy to help our higher self thrive, and give its honest gifts to the world.

I don’t care how much you’ve sinned, brother. Whether it was with the ladies or in any other domain.

I care what kind of man you’re dedicated to being from now on.

If you’re set on living a life of honesty, purpose, strength, integrity, responsibility, and love… AND ATTRACTING THE WOMEN WHO ALIGN WITH EXACTLY THAT…

Work with me! I’ve been waiting to see you in coaching! Let’s give you the spiritual gains that took me years in mere MONTHS!

Though if you’d rather make excuses not to challenge yourself physically or worldly or spiritually, express your honest self through emotional vomit alone, watch porn by yourself and only date women who mildly excite you at best (because your sexual energy’s gone), assume radical responsibility is something other men should take but not you, and expect handouts in life instead of earning your reality through hard and smart work and awareness…

You can fuck off.


– Ben

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