Pickup guys and spreadsheets

Interesting tweet from Pancake Mouse today:

A SPREADSHEET logging all his approaches and their details.

Some people thought this was insane and weird. But me, I get it, man.

Guys who are very logically oriented find value in quantification. It works for them.

I have this side to myself. I mean, I used to keep a detailed inventory of all my clothing just for fun. And I’d make girl-related lists too, let’s leave it at that. I like lists. I like organization. I find a well-made list or spreadsheet to be a work of art.

I’m a naturally logically-oriented guy too, who spends a fuckton of time in his head, and has had to actively learn to re-integrate his emotional side alongside that.

I lived the early days of my dating life on pure logic. Calculations. Game/pickup routines. Scripts. I’d consciously put together tactic after tactic on the fly, hoping SOMETHING would work and get a girl into me.

Even my “displays of emotion” were tactical and calculated, with the intent of APPEARING as a fun but deep guy, instead of you know, authentically being one. (except the vomit-quality moments, which we went over in the last email)

My dating life was a flop 99% of the time when I’d approach it this way. Girls would always ghost me, flake on me, ditch me during our date, deny all my attempts at escalation…

Except when I’d uncover an authentic emotional connection between us. Then the girl would stick around, be enthusiastic about sleeping with me and seeing more of me, and be super receptive in general.

(here’s one such story of that)

As beneficial as logic and a rational mind are in every domain of your life, you will SUFFER if you assume this means denying your emotional, irrational side. A ton of dating gurus, including me, have had psychological breakdowns and ruined relationships when this mistake caught up with them.

Let your logical and emotional sides dance with each other, not fight each other.

I have a lot of respect for daygame guys who spam-approach. The guys who approach girl after girl after girl. As long as they’re going into it being honest about their true intentions. Not every guy has the capacity for this. Not even me. Dedication is a virtue.

But spam-approaching isn’t my style. Logically quantifying all my approaches isn’t my style. Here’s what I prefer:

Understanding what I truly value, and going for it.

Because here’s what really happens when a daygame guy gets a win:

He stumbled upon a girl who was in the market for a guy like HIM, whether it was just for a hookup, for a series of casual dates, or for something more lasting. Unknowingly to his conscious mind, he approached a girl whose psychological world aligned enough with his for them both to want some more of each other.

I prefer to trim the fat when it comes to daygame. Instead of attributing dozens of “failed” approaches as just “part of the numbers game”, I do max 1-3 approaches a week, if at all. I only ever approach a girl if I strongly, viscerally desire her and feel sexual tension just looking at her. I never force myself to approach a girl if I’m not strongly feeling her.

It’s these easily-done tension-filled approaches that go best for me. I talked more about this on camera today:

I’m on Tiktok now. My most recent video is about how to do an EFFECTIVE cold approach, and I’ll be posting more on there! Check me out and follow me!


If you genuinely enjoy spam-approaching and quantifying the stats in your dating life, I won’t begrudge you for it. That’s what some guys find value in, and it it works for them, it works for them.

I can work with you if spam-seduction is your thing.

(my coaching isn’t “one size fits all”)

But if that’s not quite your style, and you’d rather just go about your life and approach the occasional girl who REALLY stands out to you… (who will be far more likely to be receptive to you!)

See me in coaching!

I used to deal with an extreme amount of BS in my dating life, so whatever struggles you’ve had, I’ve almost certainly had personal experience with them, and more importantly, with guiding myself and other guys through them, so we never have to be clueless around women ever again.

Fill out the form and we’ll go from there.

– Ben

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