I saw a post on the Instagram today from a female dating coach I like, Blaine Anderson.
She’s claiming that while yes, women are attracted to height and success and looks…
The most attractive women, 9s and 10s, care more what it FEELS LIKE to be around a man.
“This isn’t pithy or clever advice, but it’s incredibly powerful if you take the time to understand and internalize it 💡
Any dating coach who tells you women don’t care about your height, or your career, or your appearance is lying. Women absolutely care about these things.
But most men go overboard worrying about these things. Why?
Women don’t care about them *that much* — they’re three of literally hundreds of traits women find attractive in potential partners, and seldom the most important three.
Most women, particularly the most attractive women who have lots of options, care dramatically more about what it *feels like* to spend time with you. For example:
⁃ Are you a good listener? 👂
⁃ Do you make me feel sexy? 💋
⁃ Are you fun to be around? 🙃
If you can focus less on who you are, and focus more on what it feels like to spend time with you, I’m confident you’ll find you start attracting more (and more attractive) women!”
First of all, good on Blaine for being honest about women’s attraction to height and career and looks. And for writing out the rest of that.
She’s correct, but this advice is open to misinterpretation. Don’t assume she means “the most attractive women care primarily for a man’s personality INSTEAD OF caring for the superficial things”
Even when you see people claim “oh yeah, hot women can date unattractive men” and give the example of a hot famous woman dating a worse-looking man who’s kind of a dweeb, keep in mind that her hypergamy’s still picking him. HE’S ALSO FAMOUS AND HIGH-STATUS, JUST LIKE HER.
Women will always be women. Hot women will always be hot women. And hot, materially successful women are attracted to hot, materially successful men.
Top-quality women care so strongly for men’s personality because they can afford to be picky about it – in ATTRACTIVE MEN.
Anyone who knows anything about attraction knows that it’s fundamentally about DESIRE and COMFORT, and these women have no problem seducing men who are all desire. To a top-quality woman, men who offer pure desire or pure comfort are a-dime-a-dozen.
Men who offer strong desire AND strong comfort – these are the men pursued by women who are high in desire AND comfort themselves. Women who know how to be a madonna AND a whore.
So when a woman says she wants a man who’s sweet, caring, funny, a good listener… she’s telling the truth.
She just wants these traits in a dominant, masculine, attractive man. His “desire” traits are already passive and active and in full force.
Such a man’s “comfort” traits are what’ll set him apart from the other dime-a-dozen attractive, socially successful guys who are down to fuck her.
You will NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS get a high-quality woman if you’re physically weak, unambitious, and spiritually flaccid. Best-case scenario, she settles for you when her looks have mostly faded.
I know it’s a super basic platitude, but it’s basic because it’s foundational to every other dimension of attraction: Masculine men attract feminine women. Feminine women attract masculine men.
Before worrying about your subjective personality connection with a woman, you gotta get your masculinity in check. Develop yourself as a lover, a protector, and a provider. Then your subjective, individual personality will be grounded in a solid foundation, and like these attractive, feminine women, you yourself will be able to afford pickiness about a desirable woman’s personality and her “comfort” traits.
The cycles of a woman’s dating life
Here’s how a hot girl’s dating life usually goes:
She dates guys who are all desire. She knows her sexual value, and goes for guys who know theirs. These flings, even relationships, are primarily based on sexual polarity and social status. But irreconcilable personality differences arise, and these affairs don’t last. So if the girl’s smart, she realizes her own “desire” traits aren’t enough to keep a man, so she switches her sexual strategy. She starts seeking out guys who offer more comfort, more of a personality connection. Sometimes at the expense of desire and biological attraction, sometimes not.
Until ultimately, she shacks up with a man who offers BOTH desire and comfort – a man who’s BOTH hot + successful, AND psychologically developed + caring and reliable. Women have a very tough time leaving these men once they’ve claimed them. Assuming such a woman maintains, even improves, HER OWN value in both those domains.
We men have a similar compartmentalization in our own dating lives, but that’s not the point of this email.
Here’s the big take-away for this one:
You don’t have to be exceptionally fit, exceptionally financially/socially successful, or have impeccable game to date attractive women.
You don’t have to be benching 300 lbs, even 200 lbs. You don’t have to be making millions, or even 6 figures. You don’t have to be super experienced or super knowledgeable or super worldly.
But you do need to hit a certain baseline in fitness/looks, game, and social status/success to have a fighting chance in the dating world, especially with women who are genetically strong, socially valuable, and worldly + savvy themselves.
Only when there are few holes in your foundational, fuckable masculinity, can you afford to date an attractive woman for how you make each other feel, and prioritize finding a warm personality connection.
If your “desire” or “comfort” traits are a work in progress, that’s okay. Women are attracted to a man’s fire to get somewhere as much as to where he already is in life, especially the younger you are. As long as you’re on your edge and moving forward, that’s what matters.
I know some redpill guys will tell you “women wait at the finish line, then fuck the winners”
And it’s true.
But this is the dating strategy of a low-quality, lazy woman. And these are exactly the women these redpill guys want. So listen to them and take their advice if dread-gaming immature, self-unaware, psychologically broken sluts is your thing.
But if your type is more along the lines of women who are extremely feminine, gorgeous, giving, and psychologically developed, then you’ll listen to my advice.
A woman who’s really worth keeping around will be running the race right beside you. She’ll care for where you’re going and for the standards you have for yourself, rather than simply looking to mooch off the fruits of your hard work.
But you can’t be making any excuses, or else women will smell the weakness on you.
Before you take the lovely Blaine Anderson’s advice and start seducing the ladies with your generous listening ear, compliments that make a girl’s day, and your fun enlivening personality, take my advice first:
Don’t fucking rationalize your barren dating life like “the right woman will see beyond what I lack to the cool personality traits I do have to offer”. That’s self-protecting bullshit. If you have holes in your fitness/looks, or finances/lifestyle/social status, fill them. Or else you’ll constantly fall into them, and no woman will ever give you a helping hand out of them.
For a woman to see potential in you, you must…
1. Actually have potential
2. Be making good on said potential, and be offering it openly to the world rather than keeping it to yourself
3. Have a fun, engaging life to bring her into
Remember, women fall hard for men who treat them with comfort and generosity… When those men are fit, successful (or on their way to it), and hold strong to their values and integrity and what they truly want out of life.
Now Dr. Foth has a nice present for you.
You already know what I’m offering:
Masculine and feminine energy mastery, deep psychological work that’ll undo all the knots in you that are holding you back from showing up as your fullest self, quit-porn coaching that’ll detox your brain and body from this nasty addiction, text/online game advice, infield tactical work, and much much more, all tailored to your individual situation!
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