We talked a couple days ago about the foundational elements of male attractiveness to women:
You have to be fit/good-looking (be genetically strong!), successful and socially valuable (be a good provider!), and have some game (be a good lover!) for a fighting chance in the dating world.
But as past me from 5 years ago would tell you, this isn’t enough to guarantee you success with women.
After all, I was jacked and strong, eating healthy, well-dressed, moving up in the social and professional worlds, learning PUA theory and constantly reading dating advice + testing all that in the field, working on my mental health as best I could… and I was still the only one of my friends who wasn’t dating, fucking, or even seeing someone.
I’ve already explained one reason this was so:
Dating is marketing, and I wasn’t marketing myself to the girls who were in it for a guy like ME.
But the main reason I was failing in dating was because I had very little frame around girls. I’ll be writing more about frame someday, so keep your eyes open for that!
But first, lemme tell you the root cause of why guys like my past self (and maybe you) weren’t marketing themselves to the girls who’d enthusiastically stay on retainer, and always lost frame with the “maybe” girls.
We were flimsy with our values.
In dating, VALUES are as strong a force of attraction as a fit body, a nice booty, or the electricity you feel when your skin touches hers.
Biological and psychological attraction
I look at sexual attraction like it’s a three-storey house:
The foundation, the first floor is biological attraction – strong genes, masculinity/femininity, sexual energy, your shadow, her shadow, your ability to acquire social status, her fertility and capacity to bear healthy children. This is what sexually excites the primal part of our brains.
The second storey is social attraction – social circle, lifestyle, social skills/game. This is all about the roles played by you and the girls you want. This excites the pro-social, connection-seeking, fantastical parts of our brains.
The third storey is psychological/spiritual attraction – your individual psychological profile, your values, your subjective way of being, your divine purpose in this world. This is what makes intimate, individual, unique connections with girls possible. These connections are often effortless and natural, but can also be volatile and destructive. What matters is you’re connecting for a reason – whether it’s to stay together and enrich each other’s lives, or to learn valuable lessons from each other that serve you well in the long-run.
You’re selling a house. What kind of house are you?
Some girls are in the market for a one-storey house. All they care about is a guy’s looks, money, status. And they only want to be appreciated for their own looks and status. These are the girls who pimps and very superficial, low-consciousness guys will teach you to get. Whether these men are psychologically developed or not, the girls they get only see the first storey and don’t care whether they have a second or third built up.
If you’re a rich, or simply high-status, good-looking guy who can hold frame, you will have no shortage of easy options when it comes to these girls.
Some girls want a two-storey house. Yeah, a guy being attractive and successful is a major plus. But the main thing they’re in for is the fun, the fantasy, the story. These are the girls who most PUA and “game” guys will teach you to get.
You need game to get and keep these girls along with having hit a certain baseline in looks and status. They’ll be turned on by the superficial things about you, but care primarily for the fantasy and fun you share together. Getting these girls is much about reading them. Determining which girls are bored, lonely, of a similar social/intellectual strata to you, and ready to have some fun getting to know a new cool, mysterious, handsome guy who they mesh with easily.
The girls who want to buy a three-storey house are the ones you want to commit to, and keep around for a long while (1+ years of being together). You do need to be masculine and purposeful to attract them on a biological level, you do need to be socially competent and getting your lifestyle together to attract them on a social, role-playing level. But above that, you’ll also really GET each other and have an extremely easy, natural time vibing and opening yourselves up to each other.
So how do you get them? Ask yourself:
What are your damn values?
And be unconditionally truthful, unapologetic, uncompromising about what you truly want out of life.
Only then will you be properly marketing yourself to the girls who are the same way, and who align with you. Finding girls like this ain’t easy; that’s why they’re so valuable once you stumble upon them. And it takes major self-awareness to recognize these girls for who they are.
Now I have one more question for you:
What kind of house are YOU looking to buy?
Do you want to rent a bunch of properties that are one storey tall?
Are you in the market for a two-storey house (or a few) you can stay in for a while, but not commit to long-term?
Or is your heart’s desire at the moment a three-storey house, one you can settle down in for a long while, maybe even raise a family in?
Here’s how to figure out which one is right for you…
One of Dr. Foth’s top girl-getting secrets, REVEALED:
To retain a girl, and in most cases to even get her in the first place, you have to value the same things she does.
It’s really easy to get a girl who only cares for a guy’s looks and status… When looks and status are the main thing about her that matters to you. (and of course, you yourself “measure up” in the demographic she likes)
Same if you’re looking for a girl who values game and casual, semi-intimate fun… When YOU are looking for a cool, pretty girl to game you too.
And if you’re in the market for a serious, deep relationship… A lot of these girls who like your looks and find you and your game objectively attractive in many ways won’t be jumping on you unless they’re looking for the same kind of serious, deep relationship with a guy like you.
Attraction is equally psychological as it is biological.
As much as having similar sexual market value matters in attraction… As much as occupying aligning social worlds also matters…
The psychological/emotional/spiritual worlds inhabited by you and the girls you want will 100% make or break whether you get together.
Doesn’t matter if you’re hot and high-status, a lot of girls won’t even hook up with you if your psychological profiles are too misaligned. And I’m sure you’ve met your fair share of girls who you’ve found objectively hot, but had no interest in sleeping with because you had too little to relate to each other over.
There’s my model of attraction, explained succinctly and deeply.
If you’re failing in dating despite being committed to working on your SMV, your lifestyle, and your game, odds are you aren’t innately broken or flawed. You just have a weak understanding of your own values, and you’re trying to get the girls SOMEONE ELSE should want, not the girls YOU should want.
Now brother. I work with guys of all demographics.
If you’re in the market for a one-storey house of a girl, I’ve gotten these types in the past. I can teach you to market yourself to them, even if it’s not what you’ll be doing forever.
A two-storey house of a girl, I’ve had my fun with them too. I teach game in my coaching, and more importantly: How to tweak, deconstruct, and reconstruct your game depending on the demographic of girl you want, and the demographics you fit into.
A three-storey house of a girl… Take a wild fucking guess what we’ll be doing in coaching 😉
(Teaching you how to recognize, attract, game, and retain these girls, obviously! And deepening the intimacy between you and your girl if you’re already in a relationship!)
Ready to optimize your biological, social, and psychological/spiritual attractiveness to the best ladies for you?
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