I got into lifting weights in high school for different reasons than some guys do.
It wasn’t to get girls.
I had low self-esteem and assumed no girl would ever want me even if I was jacked as hell. My self-confidence was that low.
So I decided – fuck it, I’ll do it for myself.
I would rather be depressed and buff than depressed and skinny.
I needed a reason to live, and I chose fitness.
My #1 mission in high school was getting hella jacked, from then on. All my thinking revolved around my goal of building my body. Making it stronger, faster, healthier, as athletic as it could possibly be.
I was addicted to the gym, to making my own protein shakes, and to discovering my masculinity through pushing my body to its limits and fueling it well.
I happily embraced the typecasting of “gymrat Ben Foth”.
And you know what, I was a success with that. I gained over 20 pounds of muscle by the time I graduated high school. Any reputation I’d ever had for being a scrawny geek was imperceptible to me. Before lifting weights, I assumed I’d be “the skinny nerdy guy” all my life, then…
This life pursuit showed me that I get to decide who I want to be in life.
I can choose to be a strong, dominant, masculine man, and to easily do the work to become him.
Then when I got to college, I embraced the all-you-can-eat buffet of a dining hall we had, was a regular at the campus gyms, ate 3 macronutrient-packed dinners every night on top of my other meals, and quickly gained another 20ish lbs of muscle for it.
Oh, the testosterone.
Never did I lift with the intention of getting girls. Of course I liked to show off sometimes when pretty gym-going ladies were around me, but that was just me being a guy 😉
I lifted weights through high school and my first year of college because it was my edge. It was my mission. It was my purpose. It made me feel like a man. It made me feel like myself. I simply wanted to get super strong and buff in high school…
Then I took my mission a step further.
I aspired to be a competitive powerlifter once I got to college, and I trained + ate for that goal.
Yeah, I….
Didn’t make it with that 🙁
What stopped me from reaching that goal in the end, despite me hitting respectable numbers with my lifts?
I don’t know.
Could have been my diet after I didn’t have the dining hall anymore. Could have been my alcohol addiction. Could have been training errors of mine. But here’s my best guess:
I wanted to get good with girls.
As much as lifting, running, and martial arts would make me feel like a man, my mental health was still in the shitter much of the time. I’d have anxiety attacks over even the possibility of rejection. I’d feel powerless and clueless around girls, and despite being a masculine guy, I was so psychologically programmed into believing girls wouldn’t like me for it that I’d lose BIG in the dating world. I’d skip out on parties and socializing to get blackout drunk by myself.
I didn’t feel like a man in the dating world. This tore apart my self-confidence and my self-respect. I had to fix myself up sexually, or forever suffer for not doing so.
My days of being an aspiring powerlifter ended, and I focused my emotional bandwidth on a domain of masculine development I’d been sorely lacking in all my life, but which had been calling out to me for a long long while: Women. I had my fair share of trial, error, experience, and lessons learnt there once I started taking more risks with girls. And the big question I’ll be answering in this article is…
How did muscle mass affect my results with the ladies, if at all?
I’ve talked before about what makes men’s looks matter to women. There’s objective and subjective elements to it. But now we’ll get into the nuances of MUSCLE MASS.
Hopeless as I was early in my dating life, my workouts and my gains DID make a difference.
The girls you’ll get when you’re jacked
Though you can get attractive women to adore you if you’re skinny or pudgy, particularly if you’re high-status and emotionally aware, the process is a bit tougher than it’d be otherwise, and being out of shape limits the amount of attractive women who’d be receptive to you at first impression, especially the ones who care strongly about being in shape themselves. There’s a higher “barrier of entry” in everything else that makes you attractive, unless the woman isn’t so physically appealing or fitness-minded herself.
Putting on muscle is an easy investment that’ll improve every aspect of your life – your dating life, your confidence, your work/school life, your long-term health and aging, how you look in clothes, how you look naked…
The more muscle you put on, the more “affordable” attractive, healthy girls will be to you.
You need less intense game to get them. You’ll more naturally vibe with them. You’ll even intimidate them.
Before I could even bench press the bar, I had an easy time befriending girls, but a hard fucking time being anything more to them. I would always lose when socially “sparring” with other guys, and had an even harder fucking time earning their respect and rising up in the social world. I was dissociated from my killer instinct.
I couldn’t hold tension.
So when I started picking up the weights, doing my pushups and pullups and squats and ab work…
I had some semblance of confidence in my masculinity for once in my life. I could physically and socially dominate other guys, attract girls (though I was too insecure with myself to jump on any of the opportunities I had), and I finally had a real work ethic.
The fact that lifting weights improved my life is an UNDERSTATEMENT.
It’s one of the most valuable things I’ve ever gotten into, and it was the foundation of my self-improvement journey. Before lifting, I was an aimless loser who never applied himself in life, except in video games. Then after finally finding something in the real world I loved doing, my productivity at school shot up, I had something conventionally “manly” to relate to other guys over, I worked up the courage to put myself out there in sports and creative work and other cool hobbies, and my mental health made just as many gains as my body did.
Now, I could hold some tension. I could act like a man. I oriented my life around challenging myself, both mentally and physically.
And eventually, socially and sexually. The more muscle I put on, the more receptive girls got to me.
After I gained 10 lbs of muscle mass, that was the first time I remember a cute girl being receptive to me, but I didn’t jump on her, which I regretted.
20 lbs of muscle mass, I got some flirtation from the girls. Had my first kiss, first date, first hookup, and many more opportunities than that, which again, I didn’t fucking jump on cause my self-esteem wasn’t right and I had a lot of trauma that needed to be deprogrammed out of me.
30-40 lbs of muscle mass, my dating life was damn eventful once I actually started showing up to parties instead of drowning myself in booze alone. My fair share of girls wanted a piece of my squat booty, but a lot would reject me too. That’s just how the game is.
The more muscle mass you gain, the more masculine an impression you make.
Masculinity is fundamentally about integrity under pressure.
Lifting weights is an inherently masculine pursuit, as it’s about exactly this. But I don’t want to write an essay about masculinity here. We’re here to talk about getting girls, not to philosophize about carrying burdens, forging yourself through pain, or whatever other platitudes are worth regurgitating.
First, why lifting weights helps guys get girls:
It creates a positive feedback loop of testosterone.
Working out gives you an acute spike in testosterone, and carrying muscle mass gives you a higher BASELINE of testosterone. Your body requires testosterone to maintain its muscle mass, so…
More muscle mass > More testosterone > More capacity to build muscle mass > more testosterone
Aaaaaand of course, masculine men attract feminine women, feminine women attract masculine men, testosterone is the male manliness masculinity hormone, yada yada yada, you already know this.
Now let’s talk about…
When jacked guys DON’T get girls
As much of a testosterone booster as MAD GAINS are, they’re not a cure-all for your girl problems.
My early dating life was a classic case of “he’s attractive… until he opens his mouth”
Despite the FIZEEK, I was neurotic as fuck. My neediness would always come out somehow, and dry the ladies’ panties.
I had a tough time seeing my own value, sexually and individually. This self-defeating mindset of mine was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And I’m far from the only guy who’s thought this way.
We’ve all heard a story like this – guy gets buff hoping to git gurlz, then the girl he likes turns him down and goes to fuck a skinny drug dealer or some shit. Followed by a lesson along the lines of “Focus on yourself, king!”
A fit body isn’t a replacement for frame and game, gentlemen. Don’t be the guy who’s a beast in the gym, then whose ego shatters once he’s socially or spiritually challenged. I’ve met my fair share of these types. I’ve seen them in action. No matter how much they can lift, they don’t date gorgeous, top-tier girls. They SETTLE.
It takes more than physical strength and a nutrient-dense diet to attract and retain quality women.
Spiritual masculinity. Frame. Game. Sexual energy mastery. Holding space. Holding tension.
These skills are what transformed my results with women after lifting enabled me to put my foot in the door, sexually speaking. And I can teach them all to you.
To become a true success in the dating world and in life, you must take full responsibility not just for your body and your material situation, but also for your happiness and integrity.
Don’t be a one-trick-pony of a gym-goer.
I’m not a fitness coach, but I do have 7+ years of experience in fitness. Feel free to reach out to me for help on building your own FIZEEK.
Now as we’ve already gone over here, a jacked bod is a major plus in the dating world, but you still need to get your mindset and energy right, or else no matter how many pounds you can lift, you’ll have a tough time lifting yourself around high-quality women.
When you’re ready to become your most masculine, most integrated, most present, most aware, most empowered self, and to have the dating life your highest self deserves…
Get hella jacked,
– Ben
