What martial arts and dating have in common

For us men who value being masculine, the idea of being good in a fight is quite the ego-boost. And we’ve all known, maybe even been that guy who’s vastly overestimated his own fighting ability, talked shit about how great he’d be in a fight or “subtly” dropped hints about how much of a badass he is for doing martial arts.

But here’s the thing if you’re not a competitive fighter, nor ever been jumped on the street and held your own.

Practicing martial arts techniques by yourself doesn’t translate to real-life fighting. Without someone hitting you back, willing to cause mild or severe pain to you, practicing martial arts is basically dancing.

All the hours of bag work in the world will only ever teach you how to hit a bag. It’s good for refining your technique and it’s a fun cardio workout, but…

Only FIGHTING can teach you how to fight.

That means stepping into a fighting gym, checking your ego at the door, and sparring someone who, unlike a bag, will hit you back and force you to adapt to his movements on the fly.

Don’t be a badass.

Don’t be the guy who used to wrestle in high school, or take karate classes at a strip mall dojo, who thinks that gave him the ability to fuck a guy up.

I learned this the hard way my first time sparring. Everything I’d learned doing bag work flew out the window when I had a guy trying to hit me. I barely landed any hits, while the guys I’d spar with would hit me a bunch. Of course, I got better at landing hits and taking them every time I did it, but that by no means makes me a tough guy. Fighting has been a fun hobby of mine, but I’m far from exceptional at it. White belt mentality and all that jazz.

If you’ve never actually thrown hands with someone who’s thrown hands with you just as hard, you’re not good at fighting. If you’ve never been punched hard in the face, you’re not a fighter. You’re just a guy who’s learned a few strikes and drilled them. Don’t be the badass who assumes that alone makes him hard.

Don’t be the badass who talks shit about what he WOULD DO in a fight when he isn’t actually fighting anyone. This is cumbrained, not masculine.

It’s the same thing with men who read a bunch of theory about women online, and thinks it makes them dating experts.

What REALLY makes a guy good with the gals

There’s another type of badass I’m not a fan of:

Men who think they know everything about women, but don’t actually get women. Men who obsess about what they WOULD DO with a bunch of girls, but aren’t actually in the field getting them.

Reading books and online theory about women will never make you good with women. It only makes you good at reading and working with information about women.

What does make you good with women:

Meeting, dating, fucking, and getting to know real-life women.

And still, it only makes you good with playing a part in THOSE women’s lives.

What makes you good with ALL women however, is:

A growth mindset. A white belt mentality. Being an eternal student of life. Being okay with NOT knowing. Checking your ego at the door. An open, curious mind.

Coldly calculating your way into a girl’s panties doesn’t make a joyful dating life. Don’t do this.

But when you see a pretty girl, you’re curious about her, and want to get to know her a bit… That’s what makes dating FUN. That’s what makes her feel DESIRED, not like you’re just trying to get off with her.

It’s easy to feel like every girl out there is a hypergamous Chad-craving whore who fucks a new guy every week, when you constantly read online content written by men who fuck these exact women.

It’s easy to feel like every girl is a nice, marriage-seeking aspiring wifey, when you constantly read content by married men that glorifies marriage and commitment.

Don’t get lost in any dogma about women.

Think for yourself. Have your own experiences with the ladies. See women as the individuals they are, not as your fantasies wish for them to be.

Get out into the real world, and you’ll see that real women are complex and diverse. You’ll always have a new lesson left to learn about them. And you won’t learn these lessons staring at your computer screen. You learn them by FUCKING AROUND AND FINDING OUT.

Just like being aware you’re NOT good at fighting, and throwing hands with guys who’ve done it way longer than you is what makes you git gud at martial arts, while thinking you’re a badass for simply drilling strikes makes you a poser living in fantasy…

A LACK of knowledge around women will propel you forward in the dating world, should you choose to lean into your curiosities.

Every girl you meet is an opportunity to learn something new about women, the world, and yourself.

It’s a lot more fun to learn about how women work from interacting with them, instead of from sitting in your bedroom by yourself reading blog posts.

Some of these girls are honest, some aren’t. Some of these girls want to get married ASAP, some want to play the field. Some of these girls are intelligent and cultured, some only care for their social lives. Every pretty lady out there is a unique individual, with her own unique values, life experiences, and ways of being.

Taking real-world action is the only way you’ll discover women for who they truly are, and meet some who are fantastic fits for you.

And you don’t have to do it blindly.

My coaching is the map to the territory of the dating world, and I’m your experienced tour guide. Your job is to get out there and meet some ladies, and my job is to tell you what to expect, and the quickest ways to get where you want to be in your intimate life.

You’ll get there if you’re driven and responsible, but my coaching is the difference between this process taking MONTHS vs YEARS.

Don’t waste your precious time and forever regret it.

When you’re ready to get out of your head, and into real life, into the REAL dating world…

See me in coaching!

– Ben

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