A quick way to get over your oneitis

Howzabout those times when you want that ONE girl? That ONE special girl who you haven’t even gone on a proper fucking date with yet? That girl you’re looking at from a distance, waiting for the glorious moment, the glorious day when you can finally pee in her butt.

I’ve been there. Odds are you’ve been there too.

The uncertainty sucks. When will you approach her? Will you approach her? How will she react? What should you say to her? Oh, you’re frozen there, you’re overthinking it… And what if she rejects you, will you EVER find another girl who…

Slow down.

Soothe that anxiety.

Approach another girl.

That’s how you get over a oneitis quickly. Whether it’s your cute friend you’re desperate to ask out someday, that fuckable girl in the distance at the bar who you’d approach if only there was no one in the way, your gym crush, the pretty server at your favorite cafe who triggers your cute coffee shop romance fantasy…

Here’s the harsh truth:

If you’re not already moving forward with her, you won’t get her. Stop jerking off to your future relationship, and start giving your attention to the girls you can have a PRESENT connection with. Don’t be the guy with obsessive fantasies about a girl he hasn’t done anything more than brief small talk with.

So here’s a few of my personal rules about approaching girls:

1. You should know whether you’ll be approaching her at first sight.

Cause believe me, I’ve forced some approaches when I’ve been “maybe” about doing them, and their energy was always flat. I didn’t enjoy doing those, and there was no vibe between me and the girl.

The approaches I’ve done where I made a snap-judgement at first sight, “I’m going to approach this girl”, no maybes, then of course actually did them… Those have boosted my energy and my confidence. Girl was open to my touch, open to a chat.

Energy doesn’t lie. Watch how you viscerally feel looking at her. Your body knows what it truly wants.

2. If you’re in your head about her, forget about her.

Sometimes when I’m at the bars, I’ll see a girl who I find objectively pretty, but start rationalizing all sorts of reasons not to approach. There’s too many people in the way, she’s not facing me, she’s too far away…. I want to do it, but… Except I don’t actually want to do it.

If I really wanted her, I’d already have approached her, even if she’s in a group, even if there’s distance between us, even if she’ll probably be disinterested.

3. Fuck your excuses. Either you do it or you don’t.



I talked a short while back about flow states and the feeling of POSSESSION.

Now I’m going to tie that into the concept of ONEITIS.

Oneitis isn’t simply the fantasy of a future relationship with a girl. It’s the fantasy of a future flow state triggered by her. Really, oneitis triggers an ANTI-flow state.

You ever get overly attached to a girl and feel like she’s sapping all your energy as you obsess over her? Anti-flow state.

Stop obsessing over girls who aren’t obsessing over you. If this is you, go out. Approach another girl. Just one other girl who you’re turned on by. Remind yourself of what’s out there, who’s out there. Remind yourself of what’ll make you happiest, and what’ll truly trigger your flow states, and make them last.

I’ve been in the oneitis, anti-flow state trap numerous times. Fully eradicating this disease meant:

1. Meeting new girls. Abundance mindset and all that jazz.

2. Getting into flow states triggered by my hobbies and missions. Choosing to fall in love with my life purposes, not with girls.

Eradicating oneitis and other assorted bad mindsets about girls means taking action and taking some risks. As long as you keep living in fantasy and fear, your dating life will SUCK. You will stay where you are in life and not move forward.

Now you already know why I’m here for you.

Your job is to take that action to get where you want to be in life and with women. My job is to be your guide and your map as you do it, so you get from Point A to Point B in MONTHS instead of in YEARS.

Then if you’re responsible, coachable, fit, ambitious, and dedicated to moving forward in life like the rest of my clients, you’ll get some new wins in the dating world like the rest of my clients.

See me in coaching!

– Ben

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