Ight people, I’m gonna tell you an embarrassing dating (if you could call it that) story starring myself from many years ago.
I tried getting a girl out on a date…
By being vulnerable with her. Venting to her about my dating struggles, how I was the only one of my friends who hadn’t had a relationship before, how girls just wanted to use me instead of sticking around me…
Yeah, it didn’t end well.
This girl manipulated me with some fake vulnerability, got my Instagram out of it, and immediately ghosted.
What’s even more embarrassing is how I met her – I’d made a catfish profile of a hot guy on Tinder as a “social experiment” (really me trying to blackpill myself seeing how many matches – and responsive ones ready to meet up – he’d get compared to me). Then we got to texting, I told her the truth about the profile, and…
Pathetic, I know. I had low self-esteem back then. And the girl sucked too. I didn’t have high standards during that season of my life, and I’m better off not to have gotten her.
But this story’s got two valuable lessons – a tactical one and a big-picture one. Let’s get into em, and clear a few things up about vulnerability:
Yes, you SHOULD be vulnerable and emotionally open with girls, and yes, it should come from a place of honesty. Women aren’t attracted to emotionally repressed men. They find non-vulnerable men BORING and predictable, not cool and sexy and masculine.They also aren’t attracted to victimhood and weakness. And emotional repression, even stoicism, is one such weak state of victimhood. You’re scared of FEELINGS? hah.
But don’t be like I was there, treating the girl like my therapist and getting one-word responses for it. I showed her my entire hand way too quickly – I was a guy far too ready to commit to a girl, who craved emotional validation and clung to the fantasy of a committed relationship finally making me a man worthy of the world.
Genuine, yes. Needy and pissy, also yes.
Mystery is the greatest aphrodisiac. Being overly available to a girl, and overly open with a girl, when she isn’t so invested in you, is a sure-fire attraction killer in the early stages of dating.
Instead of seeing if she’s willing to be responsible for meeting your emotional needs, get playful. Get her curious about you. Make her fantasize about the interesting dates she could go on with you.
Have some game, and reveal yourself to her bit by bit, while she’s doing the same for you.
But more deeply…
Don’t be a needy little bitch.
If you’re going to be vulnerable with a girl, don’t compromise your integrity. Open up about the cool parts of your life and what makes you JOYFUL, not about what’s pissing you off. A girl you’re trying to date is the last person you should be venting your bullshit to. But if you must, frame yourself as having AGENCY in the situation. I wrote a blog post about the right way to be vulnerable as a man.
Be responsible for your BS, and work through it. Empower yourself. Let yourself be a work-in-progress, and do the work.
It’s alright to pull some game to cover up your weaknesses. We all have them. But game is a short-term solution. The more you work on yourself and improve yourself, the less game and less thinking you’ll need to employ to get a girl.
And the higher-quality girls you’ll be trying to get.
The less needy bullshit you’ll be pulling, like catfish profiles, trying to build attraction through venting, or seeing every decent-looking girl who gives you attention as a potential future girlfriend.
Coaching is the best place for you to work through any neediness or pissiness you may have.
Because if you’re constantly falling over with girls, not feeling worthy of the ones you REALLY want, not meeting girls you mesh with in the first place, not feeling like a sexual being around them…
You’re not being truthful with yourself. You’re repressed. You’re lacking agency in your life.
And until you tell yourself the truth about all the ways you’re self-sabotaging and disrespecting yourself…
The beautiful girls you REALLY want will always be out of your grasp for some mysterious reason you can’t quite define…
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