Does porn prepare you for real sex?

If you know me, you know how I feel about porn. Watching another guy have sex is NOT my idea of a fun time.

But can watching sex on screen prepare you for sexing a real-life lady?

It does.

About as well as watching an action film prepares you for fighting and shooting and beating up real-life men.

So here’s a vital reason you should be quitting porn, if you haven’t already:

The normal women you encounter in real life do NOT act like the women in porn do.

Women in porn are sex objects. Always in the mood, always ready to go. They never say no to sex. They don’t have insecurities or anxieties. They don’t need to feel safe and comfortable with a guy before they open themselves to him. They don’t want or need or value anything besides getting fucked. Keep in mind that this is all ACTING. Real women and their sexuality are more complex.

You can fuck up your entire relationship to women and sex and intimacy expecting real sex to be like porn. It’s not. The sex you see in porn is again, ACTING. It appeals to fantasy, not reality. The actors are doing what looks good on camera, not what feels good in real life.

REAL sex with a real girl, like sex that actually feels good and sexy and rewarding – is intimate. It’s sometimes awkward, as you slowly get to know what you and your girl enjoy sexually. Or you misaim your dick and you’re like “hey, can you help me into you?” Or you bring up an inside joke in the middle of thrusting into her and have a laugh with her over it.

Real, enjoyable sex involves trust, human connection, and getting to know an entire girl for who she is, not just spontaneously sticking your dick in your stepsister after she gets stuck under the bed.

(if reading that last bit turned you on, you really need to cool it on the porn)

However, some girls DO treat themselves like porn stars, both in the bedroom and outside it. I’ve met my fair share of these types, even sexed them.

And lemme tells ya, what looks fun and sexy and tittilating on camera is cold and mechanical and soulless in real life. Neither of you enjoy it.

Girls can have porn brain just like guys.

Watching porn sexually traumatizes girls too, lobotomizes their capacity for real intimacy, and gives THEM unrealistic, toxic, self-harming expectations of how they should treat themselves and their sexuality as women.

You do NOT want a sex life modeled on porn, so quit that shit. Jerking off to porn creates sexual trauma in you.

AND

Having “porn brain” as a man predisposes you to being attracted to women who have “porn brain” themselves, and ending up with them. Not only because you have aligning mindsets about sex. It’s mostly because you’re sexually needy and these women are the most likely ones to spontaneously put out despite feeling little safety and security with a guy.

Not every porn-brained girl is the same. Some of these girls are selective with their sexuality, but have a broken circuit of sexual energy that messes up their intimate lives. Others are addicted to sex and try to bang a new guy every weekend.

These girls are not fun to be with. They’re neurotic, immature, conflict-avoidant, broken, and self-objectifying. The sex-addicted ones’ lives revolve around pursuing their next regrettable hookup, and though they consent to their sex, it leaves them broken, even catatonic on the bathroom floor sometimes.

So if you want to stop attracting these girls and stop being attracted to them, STOP WATCHING PORN.

A normal, healthy girl may seek a casual sexual encounter once in a long while when she’s in the right phase of her cycle and curious about the whole casual sex thing, or she has poor boundaries in her relationships and ends up in a somewhat abusive 3-month-long “friends with benefits” thing with a guy she’s emotionally close to, but even then, she’ll need to feel like she can trust the guy and feel secure with him before she has sex with him.

“Porn brain” erodes this sense of security. When you can just whip your dick out and get off to an idealized woman who’s always ready to go, who’ll never say no to sex, you become numb to a real woman’s desire for comfort and security, that she has to feel before she lets herself have sex even with a guy she’s attracted to. You become numb to everything that comes BEFORE having sex and cumming – meeting the girl, connecting with her, charming her, seducing her, qualifying her, feeling into her.

Thus, you’ll make the normal, healthy girls uncomfortable as you pursue idealized, fantastical, pornographic sex with them, not viscerally feeling the steps to the REAL dance of seduction and intimacy. 😉

And again, you’ll naturally end up with the porn-brained girls whose capacity for real intimacy has been numbed and broken. 🙂

Because here’s the thing about real, healthy sex:

You’re not just having sex with a hole or a doll or a conquest. You’re having sex with an entire woman, with all of who she is, not just her reproductive system. And she’s having sex with all of you. Now think about what that means in terms of connecting with her and making her feel like she can open herself to you.

Has this newsletter given you the motivation you need to quit porn for good? I hope it has.

So when you’re ready for one-on-one quit-porn coaching that’s deep, holistic, and actually WORKS, instead of dogmatic, ineffective advice like “just stop watching it and go bang real girls bro !!!!”

(I tried that, and it still took me YEARS instead of months to fully quit porn)

As well as everything else you need to master your sexual energy, and to build up a dating life that’s empowering and fun both for yourself and the girls you date…

See me.

– Ben


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