Why intelligent guys suck at FRAME

I just got finessed out of $10, and I happily gave it to the guy.

An older black gentleman dressed in a hoodie, baseball cap, and cargo pants complimented my hat, chatted me up, and had more game than most people I’ve met. Game that I need to take some pointers from, but he should also take some pointers from mine 😉

So here’s what this guy did right:

He greeted me warmly, calmly, and with assumed rapport.

He made a correct assumption about me: He said I looked part German, and it’s true, I told him – I do indeed have German ancestry.

He led the situation, held the frame, warmly asked me to sit down with him before he told me his barely-put-together sob story. AND he was friendly with absolutely everyone around us, assuming rapport with people he hadn’t even met, telling me they were in with him.

Then he made a mistake:

He engaged in a frame battle with me.

He asked me how old I was, I asked him to guess, he told me to just tell him. But I didn’t. I like playing the guessing game about my age, because people usually get my age wrong when they first meet me. And he tried to get more money out of me after I gave him that $10, but I didn’t entertain him any more. I paused and looked him in the eyes. He was doing well when he was complimenting me and making assumptions, then he got needy.

The best way to win a frame battle, or keep the frame in general, is to need and demand nothing of the other person. Let them freely give it to you. Sadly for him, I’ve had experience with far better manipulators than him. I know how to make someone think they’re winning a frame battle, then pull the rug out from under them.

He took the loss in stride though. Didn’t let it slow him down.

This guy is the best street finesser I’ve met. So while I saw through his tricks, he did have me fooled for a bit. But I gave him the $10 not because I bought his bullshit, but as a “thank you” for teaching me a few tricks. I tried explaining my rationale to him, but our IQs were a few standard deviations apart, so it was like we were speaking two different languages.

So how’s this apply to dating?


If you want girls to take you seriously and believe you’re a worthy guy to be with, you need to be more like this finesser than like your favorite pickup artist or Twitter sexual dynamics philosopher.

Have a strong, positive, friendly, fearless frame. Get out of your head, and into the world.

THIS, more than anything, will turn your dating life around. The quickest fix to your “girl problems” is to fix your vibe.

If you’re dull, you’re closed off, you got resting bitch face, and you’re BORING… You’ll be forgettable. And so will be any semblance of a dating life you happen to get.

Instead, smile. Open yourself up. Give a fuck about something. Give someone a genuine compliment. VIBE.

This guy’s big strength was that he was fearless. Present. Self-directed. I didn’t understand half the shit he said, but his energy still pulled people in.

And his big weakness… that his game wasn’t solidly grounded in reality. He was BSing, confident as said BSing was. My beliefs were stronger than his and I was needy for nothing from him, which won me the frame in the end.

Still, plenty of intelligent, well-read, high-IQ guys read all the dating advice in the world and stay sexless and miserable, like I did 5 years ago. While barely coherent, lower-IQ guys like that finesser can just VIBE and win the entire room for it. He’s not the best frame-taker I’ve met, but he’s better than most.

Now let’s not skip past an elaboration on his little weakness there.

The girls you unconsciously believe you deserve are the ones you’ll get. And this belief has to be grounded in reality. Strong as it may be, it’ll fall apart eventually if it’s built on weak foundations.

So if your conscious mind wants to bang your clear-skinned gym crush who has the right curves in the right places, but you end up with a fat chick on SSRIs, that wasn’t accidental. No matter how much you tell yourself “I want HER, the girl from the gym…” your unconscious beliefs won’t shift, nor will the girls you attract for them.

Yet if you DO believe you deserve a great, gorgeous girl, but your shit’s not together, you’re out of shape and/or not quite moving up in life, then you can win her over for a bit, but the cracks in your life will show themselves and break your frame eventually.

Getting your shit together is good, and will help you have positive self-talk. But I recommend you don’t intertwine these two. Get your shit together regardless of your inner beliefs, and maintain positive beliefs about yourself and women even when your shit isn’t together.

If you deeply believe you deserve low-quality, unhealthy women, then no gym gains or money or status will help you date up. You’ll self-sabotage every step of the way.

The only thing that WILL get you girls you’ll be proud to be with, girls you’ll happily show off and adore, is a shift in your unconscious beliefs about yourself and women. Doing The Work. Clearing out your trauma, bullshit, and false programming that’s been given to you by more fucked up people than you.

Aaaaaand that’s my specialty in coaching.

So if you’re a fit, ambitious guy who’s getting his body and career together, but you’re lost with the ladies.

Your weak FRAME is holding you back, not your looks or your lifestyle.

And I’m the frame-fixing specialist you’ve been holding out for. 🙂

Ready to be my next client success story?

– Ben

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